Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

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weichen
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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by weichen » Tue Nov 11, 2008 2:57 pm

When Byron Katie ran into an old friend, "How is your mom?" asked her friend, Katie's reply was "She is great, she is dead".

Spiritual people's view of life is very different from most other people. Spiritual people's behavior can easily be misunderstood and considered to be rude.

I wonder why Tolle said that he is a hermit.

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by domokato » Tue Nov 11, 2008 7:52 pm

He was a hermit, but after publishing his books he got swept up in all the attention and decided to go with it even though he still says he enjoys being alone.
~housecat

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Mindbridge » Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:14 am

Hi All,

Good comments!

I was just remembering that when I was younger, I was "shy" but the truth was that my ego was so terrified of making a "mistake" or of saying something "stupid" that I was almost frozen when I was in a group situation.

Sometimes, I would forget that fear and I would be able to have fun and be more relaxed. Those situations were somewhat of a surprise to me, and I think, looking back, that I was so in the present, and genuinely enjoying whoever I was with, that my ego was overwhelmed, pushed to the side, by my self.

There is something wonderful about hitting 50 years old as a woman. Everyone I know was suddenly able to say whatever they wanted.... Very freeing. I think it's spiritual as well as developmental. However, it's not always so easy for those sharing space-form with us, and sometimes it's necessary to take another's feelings into consideration. This too is part of being present and connected.

- Nancy

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Plorel » Sat Dec 06, 2008 4:33 pm

Hello everyone
I am Stefan and new to this forum.
Normally I dont like posting on forums, but I was struck by the sincerety and frankness of your posts and also due to the many interesting topics I decided to join.
Especially as I have often wondered the same thing as the autor did and your responses really make sense to me.

I think one of the greatest joys of being with a concious person is the way they will listen, without judgement or critisism, just sparing the same space of presense with you.
Still I experience that I sometimes feel discomfort, for example during longer periods of silence with some persons and that the degree of discomfort depends on the person I am with. I came to the conclusion that I am not authentic in those situations but I am trying to play a special role in order to meet the persons exspectations of me.
My ego possibly thinks that being liked by this person in particular makes me my special in some kind of way and therefore fears that he or she might lose interest in me if I am myself and not what I think they think of me (sounds crazy if you put it in words :D ).
Therefore those feelings of discomfort are a great hint to me that I have lost contact to the now and my true self and I can return to the presense again.
That hopefully may enable the other person to give up role playing as well so your relationship can deepen.

greetings
stefan :)
Who am I without my story?

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Onceler » Sat Dec 06, 2008 4:57 pm

Sighclone wrote:Interesting question. If by being spiritual you mean being present, I would ask the following: Is it rude to listen intently? Is it rude to not give the expected response...remember the buddhist monk..."Is that so?" I think it is the perfect opposite of rudeness - an expression of deep respect and love.

Namaste, Andy
I think Andy is on to something. How do we define "being spiritual"? We each have our own definition. How do we define rudeness? Whose perspective?

Sure, being sprititual is rude. And it's not. Talking about Calla Lillies could be considered rude in some circles.
Be present, be pleasant.

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by randomguy » Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:36 am

I can identify with the original poster. When I have had nothing to say, it could feel better to say nothing.

I have been rude in this way plenty of times. I could sometimes simply not respond to someone's comment or question even when directed squarely at me. There was a time when I had no idea that this behavior was rude. But there is no doubt in my mind now that it is universally considered rude.

I have noticed that my non-answers as well as other social neglects could lead toward a negative opinion or increased suspicion of me in others. Letting hang a direct bid for my attention would cause others to conclude that I didn't like them, or was snooty, etc. when really I just felt sad and anxious.

Maybe it was a spiritual lesson I had to learn at the time, but I don't want to continue that behavior. My behavior was pointed out to me as rude, and when I looked at it, I agreed and made corrections.

I find that it is much more rewarding, interesting, and challenging to remain fully engaged in conversations while attempting to remain centered.

In my experience quirky responses seem far less rude (even often surprisingly welcome) than the colder non-responses.

I wouldn't want to judge one way or another whether such a non-response is good or bad/ right or wrong. Maybe being rude has some value in someone's particular situation. If that's the case, expose your bum at a party for all I care. Ha ha ha. But I guess the way I see it now is why be rude when it's so easy to not be?
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by domokato » Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:32 am

randomguy, welcome to the forum :)

On my journey of awakening I found that I was more quiet at first, but recently I've been feeling more "myself" than I did before awakening, and talking and joking a lot more. Like I did when I was a child :)
~housecat

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Sighclone » Sat Dec 13, 2008 8:45 am

dk -

Me too. I was pretty weird for the first month after my initial kensho. I sent a lot of books to a lot of people, most of whom I knew pretty well and they took it in stride...not the first books they had received from me :) . Later, after about three months, bits of ego and personality began to leak back into my behavior. In fact, my personality pretty much all came back. However it didn't drag much ego with it. And this forum helps, for sure.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by nodoubt » Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:56 pm

[quote="randomguy"]I can identify with the original poster. When I have had nothing to say, it could feel better to say nothing.

.

I find that it is much more rewarding, interesting, and challenging to remain fully engaged in conversations while attempting to remain centered.

In my experience quirky responses seem far less rude (even often surprisingly welcome) than the colder non-responses.




This sounds true. Why create a sense of separation.

By making a small effort to comunicate we are reaching out to people.

Speaking slowly,mindfully -not causing damage.

Being a great listener,along with not trying to be right, a form of violence.

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Tara » Sat Dec 13, 2008 4:39 pm

I have and still am somewhat shy so have usually blended in, in group settings. Have had people say they thought I was stuck up. I know I am a good listener but "felt" I was boring or not noticed so have all my life been trying to engage more...but it has "felt" not natural.

Funny, things like trying to fit in or be more outgoing in my life's journey, I am now realizing that maybe being present , just listening, is "who I am" and that is "who I should" be instead of trying to change all these years.

I almost feel like I am reverting back to a child. Those were more authentic times:)

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Sighclone » Sat Dec 13, 2008 11:08 pm

tara - Page 306-307 of ANE has a brief section on "Frequency Holders." Maybe that fits your style...

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by randomguy » Sun Dec 14, 2008 12:09 am

randomguy, welcome to the forum
Thank you. I'm happy to have found you guys.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Sighclone » Sun Dec 14, 2008 2:15 am

Yes, welcome, randomguy.

You mention:
I find that it is much more rewarding, interesting, and challenging to remain fully engaged in conversations while attempting to remain centered.
I'll sure agree with the challenging...usually the urge to remain silent is pretty strong...and well, you mentioned how that is perceived. At any rate, I keep trying...

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by randomguy » Sun Dec 14, 2008 7:50 pm

Andy, that makes me think.

Warning, mind spiral to follow:

In ANE, Tolle describes shyness as an ego mechanism functioning to avoid reduction of the ego, founded in fear (while longing for superiority). That is certainly the pattern my ego has formulated.

This makes me examine the "rewarding" and "interesting" adjectives in my statement. Is any perceived spiritual progress through social interaction inflating my ego? Perhaps, aaaaa!

I don't remember which audio book or lecture in which Tolle mentioned allowing apparent reductions to the ego to occur without subsequent reaction, and just being aware of it. That stuck with me, and I have practiced this. Challenging it certainly is.

People's ego/pain-bodies can get a reaction from mine seemingly at will (even if I don't believe I am consciously, outwardly reacting to it).

The ego is a very sticky thing to separate from the 'I am', is it not?

I think it was in the "What is Meditation?" lecture (and probably elsewhere) that Tolle mentioned something to the effect of dancing the dance in the world of forms while maintaining presence. I have also read it as "playing" on this forum.

Anyway, I find Tolle's teachings so valuable. Why did I post this? Is my ego involved? Maybe, I just don't know.

If nothing else, my exposure to Tolle has challenged a preconceived notion that to achieve awareness, one must retreat from the world of people and sit under a tree.

End of rambling.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

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Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Sighclone » Mon Dec 15, 2008 7:54 am

Not rambling at all...nor a mind spiral. :) I think maybe if we don't respond with a typical egoic response to someone, we may be perceived as rude if they are pretty unconscious. Egoic people are pretty sensitive to how they appear. Following some egoic outburst, you might make some kind of non-egoic response, such as just smiling and saying "I hear you" or "I don't know," when something else is expected. Especially when you know the good-buddy egoic response is something like "no shit, I fully agree, those SOBs are a complete degenerate waste of time, and they have been for a long time." Not saying the latter is sort of a slap in the face to the egoic set-up. The originator might look oddly at you, and feel offended. Despite the fact that everyone has some level of presence with them, in them; they always only respond from whatever level of consciousness they have. You might get snubbed!! :D

Eckhart high-fived Oprah ten times during the webinars...he is usually opposed to big egoic celebrations...I think that was awkward for him...but like he says, "When Oprah calls...!!!" How many other authors would have given an eye tooth for ten Oprah sessions...

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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