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Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 11:04 am
by JacobD
Hi to all, this is my first post on this great forum.
I am trapped between accepting my situation 100%, and at the same time challenging myself and do something I dont like doing, but which I know can have a great influence on me and is something I can learn alot from by doing.

I know that self-discipline is to do something, even if you dont feel like doing it, because you know you will be happy you did it in the end. But how do I accept my situation totally – thus accepting that I dont want to do a duty for example – and getting through life and getting things done?

for example I have to clean the house, but I dont feel like doing it – I then accept my situation totally – thus accepting that I dont want to clean the house. A voice then says inside my head ”if you do clean the house you will feel good about yourself afterwards!”

what voice is the true voice, or my own voice? Is it the one saying ”I dont want to clean the house!” or is it the voice saying ”if you clean the house then you will feel good about yourself afterwards!” ?

If I just accept my current situation of passivity, how can I learn, grow and get things done?

Hope this makes sense :)



Jacob

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 11:14 am
by dagobert
ahah.
there is no true voice, any voice is fake, and comes from your mind depending on his conditioning, you get that ?

I understand where you feel you are trapped, and I have something to help you mate.

When we are advised to let everything be as it is and to accept averything, we usually understand it from a mind point of view. So the mind do it, the mind let everything in the mind be as it is, and so we are trapped and do nothing of our life in the world.

But leting eveything be as it is is not a mind game. The truth is that your mind make calculations then gives you an order. It calculates that if you don't clean up it will be a mess, and that it will potencially make you unhappy, which is unacceptable, so it tries to make you clean it with all sorts of thoughts and emotions associated with it, to make you obey.

So this is how the mind works, and "accepting everything" is about letting these things your mind do happen, and "going with the flow" of your mind games and emotions.

It is really just about observing yourself and seeing that in truth you don't control anything, and that your mind drives you all the time..This is not sad, this is just how it is.

If your mind wants you to do something and you can accept it, just do it and see what happens.

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 12:54 am
by tod
Welcome to the forum Jacob.

So you feel bad about doing something to make you feel good. A beautiful dilemma you have there :)

I am not sure whether I have this right, but I am moving in the direction of only doing things that I feel like doing. And the way I tell whether I feel like doing something is finding myself doing it. And so, yes, the house can get quite dirty before I feel like cleaning it.

If I was to follow my feeling, I may well be at odds with what I think - I am my feeling, I do not follow it. And yet at a deeper level, I see that what I feel is also what I think..... or what I think, I feel.

This 'being at odds' appears to be when I have (at least) two beliefs about what I should do/be. And these beliefs may be at different levels. Eg, the feeling that I do not want to clean is the feeling of a deeper belief than the (feeling of the) reason (belief) that I should clean it.

Do I have the courage to go with my deepest feeling.... to be my feeling.... to see my feeling in action.... to be my very feeling... to be feeling.... Feeling is the very belief that I am. I am feeling my belief...

And one day the house gets cleaned, or I quite naturally, start cleaning, or not. It makes no real difference what I do, it is all the same - thought feeling thought.

Or so I believe :)

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 8:01 am
by nodoubt
jacobD

Could it be that some how you are discounting the moments spent cleaning the house?
Are not all moments sacred?
Why do monks value work?
Are you using the moment of house cleaning as a means to a end?
Some point in the future where the concept of happiness can be attained.
I think Ekhart see work as a portal into the now.

Later

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 4:13 pm
by letitgo
Hello Jacob!

You should know that you are not alone in your house cleaning dilemma. Not that everyone attempting to be present lives in squalor, but that everyone attempting to be present has at one time or another faced a very similar dilemma. With the exception of course, those spontaneous waker-upers like Eckart and Byron Katie and others. (Doesn't quite seem fair does it?)

Anyway, you've received some very good advice to your post and I would only add that when you recognize the duality of the dilemma, the wondering which is right and which is wrong, don't judge. Just try to take a moment and be present if it is a situation which you could possibly make the time. This has been very helpful to me. If I can take a moment to let go of the analysis of what is right or wrong and just be, then usually, before I even recognize a decision has been made, I'm up and half way done cleaning. Or... a spontaneous manifestation of a cleaning service appears in my house and is working diligently... but usually it's me.

Welcome to the forum, Norm

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 8:51 pm
by Onceler
I just cleaned the house 10 minutes ago. I heard a voice that told me to clean the house and it turned out to be my wife....

I then cleaned the house. I cleaned the house not because I had introjected my wife's voice, solely, but because it was also dirty and I didn't like seeing the dirt...

Life at its simplest seems to be doing what needs to be done.

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 3:39 pm
by JacobD
thanks for the answers.

I will ,from now on whenever that conflict arises , just be present, and see what that leads me too.

it is so crazy some times with this stuff..... it is so simple that it becomes complicated (or at least my mind wants me to think of it that way :wink: )

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 8:17 pm
by ringtor
My husband has vascular dementia so he is angry and demanding. Often I can never do anything right. I know ,mentally ,that he cannot help his behaviour and that I can adapt mine. It is a severe training in remaining totally in the NOW and telling my painbody/ego to stop complaining so much. I just hope I can get better at it. Can anyone give me any encouragement?

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 8:27 pm
by domokato
Yes! That is great spiritual practice! And very noble of you as well. Keep it up! :)

Re: Accepting and getting things done

Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 8:53 am
by innerhike
Ringtor, I would also encourage you to create a time or practice for yourself each day where you are able to just be, and not have to adapt to your husband's needs or anyone else's preferences. From this space you may find more energy and ability to reduce the reactivity that you might feel from time to time in regards to your husband's situation and unkind words. There are many ways to practice stillness or meditation. Find one or create one that helps you and works for you.