Regrets

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Regrets

Postby mb21588 » Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:28 am

Hi, I did something that is really bothering me now. I had started a friendship recently with someone I had met once 20 years ago. I accidently sent a text to him that was meant to go to my best friend. The text described me having doubts about this new " friendship". I tried to cover up this mistake by saying that it was a note written to myself and was not meant for anyone. I apologized so many times to my new friend, through email and once on the phone. He told me not to stress, not to overexplain it. Now it is clear to me that our friendship is over since he no longer makes contact with me. I have tried to intiate contact a few times but he barely responds. I regret my text, him receiving it too. I regret that I wasn't a true friend. I long for his friendship. What can I do now?
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Re: Regrets

Postby Sighclone » Mon Dec 08, 2008 6:41 am

Welcome mb21588. It has been a pleasure to see people enter original posts with very personal subjects in them. Apparently there is some respect for the way we manage topics here, and respect for the wisdom??? expressed by people who care. I hope so. I have been helped in many ways, many times by many people here.

I would say this to you. Do not lie. Tell your new "friend" (the old acquaintance of 20 years) the absolute truth. Tell him that you did have reservations, and that the message was sent in error to him and that it was intended for another friend, and tell him who that other friend is, and why you trusted that person.

Then go on to elaborate on the specific reservations you had...and anything that has changed since you first had the concerns. And you might say that you know life brings us little challenges and you see this as one (sending the email to the wrong person) and that you are hoping to learn from the mistake, including the mistake of trying to cover it up with a lie at first.

If I were the new friend, I would be terribly impressed with your frankness. Of course, new friend may have moved on...c'est la vie.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
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Re: Regrets

Postby eputkonen » Mon Dec 08, 2008 5:30 pm

mb21588 wrote:Hi, I did something that is really bothering me now. I had started a friendship recently with someone I had met once 20 years ago. I accidently sent a text to him that was meant to go to my best friend. The text described me having doubts about this new " friendship". I tried to cover up this mistake by saying that it was a note written to myself and was not meant for anyone. I apologized so many times to my new friend, through email and once on the phone. He told me not to stress, not to overexplain it. Now it is clear to me that our friendship is over since he no longer makes contact with me. I have tried to intiate contact a few times but he barely responds. I regret my text, him receiving it too. I regret that I wasn't a true friend. I long for his friendship. What can I do now?


So you went from living in the future (doubts - what might be in the future) to living in the past (regrets, what I should have done).

"What can I do now?"

Let it go.

1. Let go of regret and the past - what is past is past...there is no changing it now. Beating yourself up about it serves no purpose...it will not change the past, makes a miserable present, and does not help make a better future. Experience has been your teacher, you would act differently in similar circumstances. So this has been a learning experience...and perhaps made you a better person - wiser.

2. Let go of longing and the future. If you don't get the future you want, you suffer. You have no control on whether or not the friendship you long for will happen - so are you prepared to be miserable and suffer as long as you do not get his friendship? It would be better to let it go...if it happens it happens...if it doesn't it doesn't. Accept and surrender to both possibilities...do not favor either one.

Let it all go...cease referring to past and future. When living in the present moment (not referring to past or future) - what can be done right now? If nothing can be done at the moment, worrying about it will not help...and if something can be done, why worry - just go do it.
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Re: Regrets

Postby innerhike » Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:58 am

Everything is a chance for you to decide who you are, to choose peace or non-peace.

No matter what is going on, no matter what mistakes you have made, all of this is your perception.

The key now is to choose what you wish to create or experience.

Is it peace or God that you want or drama?

The more we are still, the more everyone is able to listen to their own wisdom instead of getting lost in egoic conversations and activities.
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Re: Regrets

Postby the key master » Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:33 am

If this happened very recently, the importance of it will fade with time. That's how mind works. The recent past is most accessible so most important. The near future is most easily anticipated and hence most important. Your top 10 problems today will likely be entirely different than your top 10 list in a year from now, with maybe 1 or 2 stragglers. See this all unfolding within the egoic mode of consciousness. Its not you. This too will pass. You are only Now.

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Re: Regrets

Postby mb21588 » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:54 pm

I want to take this moment now and thank Sighclone, Eputkonen, the Key Master, and Innerhike for sharing your wisdom with me. I feel very honored that you have all taken the time to respond to me. Millions of thanks to you
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Re: Regrets

Postby Sighclone » Wed Dec 10, 2008 2:27 am

You are welcome, mb...let us know how things are going.

Namaste, Andy
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Re: Regrets

Postby moonsong » Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:43 pm

Hello there, MB and everyone,
I echo what Andy said ... I so enjoy the posts that apply to our everyday experiences and how we can recenter in our Nows. I also thought all the replies were just wonderful. Thank you everyone for your wise words.
I'm glad Eckhart DEemphasizes 'time' ... because in my case 'older but wiser' does not always apply! :lol:
Approx. a year ago, I pulled off a real good one, too. I had gotten just furious over a phone call from a person who has always been a real nemesis to me... I decided to write about his latest stunt to a totally trusted and nonjudgement friend of mine (we serve well as each other mirrors). OK. Email complete, Go to Contacts, click, and send. At the very moment I clicked SEND...I knew I had made a mistake...I Emailed it to the person I had just ranted about...using some language I'll eliminate in this post (so as not to fry some computer chips! :roll: ) ...I was so panicked I actually picked up my monitor and literally screamed...bringing a couple of people to my door.
I know this was not an 'accident'... I don't believe in randomness. That happening forced me into examining that whole extremely weird relationship with this person. I wrote another Email of apology...taking full responsibility and totally avoided the 'yeah, but look at all what YOU did' type of stuff. But I STILL to this day, regret what I did. I think its because I won't let go of the idea that he 'has to forgive me--so I know its all OK' . He called a day after he received the 1st Email but I was far to scared to answer.
This person and I shared a "past life" together...and I know I should have 'let go' of my obsession with him then. I realize that I still have Letting Go to do ... so I want to thank you, MB for your post and all that replied, because you all have helped me, too. Namaste'! :)
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Re: Regrets

Postby Sw A Devagni » Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:43 pm

Your question is correct: what can I do now?

There are several ways to answer this question, but it boils down to voices in your head 'telling' you things about things that have happened / may happen.

Really, there are a million ways to deal with this. I would start by (if you're not already) implementing Tolle's techniques outlined in The Power of Now, namely the breath, inner body, listening to silence and acceptance.

Then, I would invite you to visit http://www.bigmind.org and sign up (you can join for between $6-15 a month, depending on how long you want to join).

I then recommend you download a talk 'The Becoming Being' from the site, which I think will help you a lot in this process.

There are also several very good books which may help in this respect, such as 'The Power of Focusing' by Anne Weiser-Cornell, 'The Unfolding Now' by Almaas and 'The Path of the Human Being' by Genpo Roshi.

I would recommend you try out any combination of the above, as you really can't go wrong with this material (at least in my view).

Hope that is of some help,

D x
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Re: Regrets

Postby Peaceman » Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:10 pm

Talk about the subconscious!! You two get the Oscars! I think you actually both did the RIGHT thing not the wrong thing! Not to sound too hard hearted!
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