eagle2phoenix wrote:7Ws, you are indeed wise. I read your lines as one who is blinkered. My sincere apologies and I thank you for pointing that out. Which is why I wrote in another thread Of Ego's Death and Depression that I feel I am going nuts because I am no longer sure who is behind my writing.
No need to apologise eagle. I have had moments where I've been close to madness or thought I was going to go insane over the last 2 years. You have to go through it - walk right through the madness. The most important thing is to recognise what is able to see the madness. Stay with that.
I now understand you better. I do feel like this as well. My mind is constantly blank, I cannot think. And I like to talk about spirituality but it is difficult to get birds of the same feather to flock together. With normal friends, it tends to get misunderstood. People start relating to religions and it gets ugly.
I tend to do simple things these days instead of complex ones. Gardening helps me.
All of that is a process it seems you have to go through. Losing friends, interests, loneliness, depression, a lot of stuff must drop away and it's not going to feel nice for a while. How else can you find out what is real? If you are aware of the process, as you seem to be, then maybe it's easier. I had all that stuff going on over a 10 year period without knowing what was happening to me. You must reach a place of complete hopelessness. When your mind doesn't have anywhere else to run, that's when something can happen.
To those who are talking about requiring an ego to function in this world - that's nonsense. That is the ego itself which is saying that in self-protection. Anyway, ego is another dirty word. It is "you", what you actually are now. Just a walking bunch of concepts that they - the society - has programmed into you. It is that one who is also talking about facets and meaningless vs love, joy and whatever else. It's always easier to hide behind these things than find out for yourself what is actually there.
That one is also making all sorts of assumptions about this individual. It interprets everything and cannot see things as they are. Saying my conversations are different, that I cannot do certain things anymore, or I have lost interest doesn't mean I am unhappy and wish to change anything. I don't even know what happiness is anymore so I can't be unhappy. "You" cannot conceive of living without all these things - friends, love, work, interests, happiness, etc. but "you" ARE
the world and so either the whole lot goes or you carry on as you are forever. Assuming I'm "comparing and concluding"... that can only be a problem if there is a person here who believes in what he is saying. As soon as I say ANYTHING
it is dead to me and no longer valid.