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Looking Forward to Death

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:11 pm
by HowToKnowGod
As far back as I can remember, I've always been looking forward to dying.

It's not to say that I'm depressed. It's not to say that the moment of death is something I look forward to. I don't want pain.

I've just been intrigued by it. We don't know what's next. I want to know. I want to know what happens when the body dies. I seem to know from experience that nothing really dies, that things basically just change. So, therefore the death of my body is just another change. It's just so intriguing because I don't know what it's like.

When I was younger I believed in heaven and hell and that of course I was going to heaven, so of course how could this Earthly existence be anything in comparison to heaven. Of course I wanted to die.

I'm not a fundamentalist Christian anymore, and haven't been for 20 years, but I'm still intrigued. Again, if I was given the chance to be killed, I wouldn't take it, but that doesn't stop the interest in what comes next. It seems in a way that even when things are relatively "good" in life, that this life on Earth is something of a sentence. I've been sentenced to live a full life here. Maybe my sentence is shorter than that actually. I can't know.

So, with the present moment being all there is, and nothing can really be as good as it is right here and now, there's part of me that just doesn't buy it.

Do you also look forward to death? Even if it's not "heaven" (whatever that is), at least it's got to be a big change, and at least we'll know what we were missing.

Enlightened comments may be appreciated. Thank you.

Re: Looking Forward to Death

Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:09 am
by letitgo
Hello HowToKnowGod,

I was kind of shocked to see someone with much the same opinion of death as me. I also was raised in the church... as the Preacher's son!

I really hope you don't mind, but I recently wrote a short article on this subject and just pasted it below. Since I feel much like you do, I thought it would be OK.

Thanks for your post, Norm

CREATE OR DIE

For most of my life, all I really wanted to do, was die. Not in a suicidal way. It was more of a longing. When I was a child I used this feeling as my own secret weapon. I remember thinking on many occasions how sorry my Dad - or anyone else that I perceived to have wronged me - would be if I died. Then over the years it became more of a tolerance for living, rather than a longing for dying. To a certain degree, I still carry that with me, but it has been replaced by a choice. A choice to create.

I never was able to look at life as anything but a duty. A responsibility that would hopefully be soon fulfilled. So that I would be done. A means to an end. Something I needed to do… or accomplish… or be. But always out “there” somewhere. Never could I view my life as being something automatically worthy of living, just for the experience. It was always some kind of duty that needed fulfilled. Then… I would be more, or worthy, or better yet… done.

With this kind of attitude and outlook, I did not accept my life as anything redeeming in any way. I always had to work on myself. Someday, I would make myself worthy. Someday, I would demand respect. Someday, never came.

When things started happening to me three or four years ago, I had to start looking at life differently. I couldn’t do the things I used to do. I couldn’t act the way I used to act. I couldn’t eat the things I used to eat. Everything I had ever held as a truth, began to flip to it’s opposite. My political views changed. My attitude changed. I no longer felt it necessary to convince people to believe how I believed. I no longer had a monopoly on right and wrong. I began to find that all things are truly relative to the observer, and that every person is looking at life from a different perspective.

All these shifts in my thoughts and beliefs left a huge gap in my functioning. I could no longer just “do”. I couldn’t work how I used to work. I could no longer be who I used to be, and I had no idea how to live.

I began to understand that who I was, was my creation, and that I will be creating forever. This is the choice. Particularly for me, the choice between living a life comprised basically of waiting, for validation, for a mission, for a reason - or - learning to understand a new way of creating who I was. A way that made me a “conscious” part of my creation. Because we’re all creating in every moment. It’s just a matter of whether we’re aware - or not aware - of our innate ability to create.

In an attempt to be a part of my conscious creation, I had been repetitively stating “who I was” as an affirmation to myself and the universe… and it didn’t feel like I thought it should feel. Even though this is what most teachers and books suggest - to state it as if it were so - it seemed to me that a statement of “who I was” did me no good, if it were a lie. If it is not who I am at that moment, it’s not true. To my mind, it really doesn’t get any more cut-and-dried than that.

Then I realized that my statement had to reflect what was happening "now". This caused my statemnet to create an energetic response. Without this energetic response, my mind would not accept it as a truth. But feeling the energy created a recognition of what was happening. This brought me into such a presence, that it became something that my mind could not dispute. It came from another Source. And it came from another Source because there was a knowing within my new statement of “who I was”.

This knowing was based on the fact that, at this moment, “I am” more of what I want to become than “I was“ a moment ago. This felt different!

For example, my statement of “who I am” changed from; “I am happy” - to - “I am happier than I ever could have imagined one moment ago“. This made me feel my creation. I could actually feel the new energy come in through my head, and the energy of the previous moment move away through my lower body. This caused the knowing to strengthen… which in turn caused the energy to increase and accelerate… which in turn increased my knowing… You get the idea!

This is very much like an energy healing feels. Which is good… but all of this was happening within "me". And it gave me the evidence I needed of my ability to create.

You may want to try this with whatever experience you wish to bring into your life. It’s your creation!

Re: Looking Forward to Death

Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:18 am
by Webwanderer
If you (the soul you, not the ego you that likely has this interest) were alive before the birth of the body you inhabit, then you already know on some level what its like to be home, even though you don't consciously remember it. And being that you are here, it stands to reason there is purpose in the experience of a human life that you now find yourself. Why else would you have come if not with purpose? Although life may not always be pleasant, it always holds opportunities for developing consciousness.

In order for "Heaven" to be Heaven it may be that souls need a bit of refining that a few stints in a physical environment helps make possible. I too am curious about the life beyond the physical, but I get the sense that what we do here is important. Never underestimate the value of a unique experience - but become neither cynical of it nor attached to it. Make the most of what's here and now, lest we waste the opportunity of a "lifetime".

WW

Re: Looking Forward to Death

Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 5:09 am
by gdvant
An interesting notion, looking forward to death. Death implies an ending. What looks forward is of thought, because without ideation of a future, there is only now. So perhaps when we say we look forward to death or ending, we really mean an ending of identification with thought as time. Also, to look forward to what can only be immediate (death), is really an avoidance of ending psychologically. Without thought of past or future, what is there to come to a future end?

Re: Looking Forward to Death

Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:30 am
by enigma
Webwanderer wrote:If you (the soul you, not the ego you that likely has this interest) were alive before the birth of the body you inhabit, then you already know on some level what its like to be home, even though you don't consciously remember it. And being that you are here, it stands to reason there is purpose in the experience of a human life that you now find yourself. Why else would you have come if not with purpose? Although life may not always be pleasant, it always holds opportunities for developing consciousness.
Is being an individual soul different from being an individual ego? i thought the belief in individuality was ego, and this was an illusion.

Re: Looking Forward to Death

Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 2:14 pm
by Webwanderer
enigma wrote:
Webwanderer wrote:If you (the soul you, not the ego you that likely has this interest) were alive before the birth of the body you inhabit, then you already know on some level what its like to be home, even though you don't consciously remember it. And being that you are here, it stands to reason there is purpose in the experience of a human life that you now find yourself. Why else would you have come if not with purpose? Although life may not always be pleasant, it always holds opportunities for developing consciousness.
Is being an individual soul different from being an individual ego? i thought the belief in individuality was ego, and this was an illusion.
My take: The ego is an illusion as it is a conceptual creation of human mind. It is an adopted perspective of seperate identity. It lives through imaginary stories, interpretations and thought rather than genuine experience of being. Soul however, is a creation of Source through which it directly experiences life. It is awareness indivuated into unique perspectives. It is inclusive of experience where as ego is generally exclusive. Soul precedes and transcends physical incarnation, where as ego identification is a product of it.

WW