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Did I not suffer enough or was I too chicken ?

Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 8:34 pm
by weichen
ET had that unbearable suffering when he was near 30, this event (blessing) triggered a full withdraw from his mind. He had that experience FIRST and then in the later years he slowly understood what happened to him.

I often ask myself: did I not suffer enough in my past, why these suffering did not trigger a full withdraw from my mind ? I did have a near death suffering when I was about 30 years of age, but I remember my mind response at that time was "how shameful would it be if other people find out about my suffering" rather than "I can't live with myself anymore". At that time, I was ready to ACCEPT my suffering even if it meant complete destruction of career or even physical death. But Eckhart RESISTED what happened, he said 'NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'

What I accepted (that Eckhart resisted) was not LIFE, but mind story about success and failure. When I accepted such a life story, I resisted LIFE. ET did the opposite thing, it worked for him.



P.S
ET learned to say NO when he was a teenager, he managed to persuade his father not force him to go to high school (so he taught himself by reading in library), I can tell he is a strong willed person.

Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 11:10 pm
by kiki
What I accepted (that Eckhart resisted) was not LIFE, but mind story about success and failure. When I accepted such a life story, I resisted LIFE. ET did the opposite thing, it worked for him.
Accepting a story as being "true" is what keeps egoic identity intact. ET saw how there appeared to be two of him, and questioned which one was real. This turned awareness back onto itself and the rest unfolded spontaneously.

k

Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 12:46 am
by weichen
Thank you Kiki for reminding me that I did not have the insight ET had (that the mind is fake, not the real me) when I was 30.

Now ten years have passed, I am convined that "identifying with my mind" is the source of ALL suffering, but as of today I have still not totally withdrawn from my identification of my mind (far from it). Recalling my suffering 10 years ago apparently does not generate enough force.

So I have been looking forward to my next major suffering, I think the suffering (a.k.a blessing) just arrived today.

Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 1:11 am
by kiki
So I have been looking forward to my next major suffering, I think the suffering (a.k.a blessing) just arrived today.
It is true that "suffering" can be a gateway to awakening, and is therefore a blessing in disguise. When suffering is here notice what underlies it, what sees it. Or ask "Who is it that thinks it is suffering?" and look for the ego. When suffering isn't here notice what is always here.

Literally everything, every situation is an opportunity to look deeper, to see beyond appearance, to awaken. Why not take advantage of every situation then?

Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 1:45 am
by Shaz
And, also, as ET says, the fact that you are studying these teachings probably means that you suffered enough (dark night of the soul) and was therefore catapulted onto this path of realization.

Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 2:00 am
by weichen
Originally posted by kiki
Quote:
When suffering is here notice what underlies it, what sees it. Or ask "Who is it that thinks it is suffering?" and look for the ego.
Kiki,
Thank you very much. your comment brought a completely new perspective. I was on the line of identifying with my mind caused me to be stuck in my old habits in the past 12 months which led to loss of health, career, and relationship. So this big loss would help me to be more determined to say NO to mind identification. Your comment helped me to see that "loss of health, career, relationship" is seen by the mind (and interpreted by mind to be big loss, thus the big suffering), I can decide to make a complete breakup with my mind identification habit and enjoy the present moment at the same time.

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 3:58 am
by din
.
I can decide to make a complete breakup with my mind identification habit and enjoy the present moment at the same time.

Mind identification habit means you are drawn in when thoughts arise. You believe the thought, that thought then becomes part of who you are.

Breaking that habit involves just being present in the moment and watching the thought.