A mask of the painbody

myself · Post by **myself** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 7:29 am

I'd like to talk about something that I have JUST come to realize... perhaps the seed has been planted before... and has been growing beneath the surface... and just today it germinated and came to my full awareness.

There's a particular mask of the pain body that is very universal in its application. We see it everywhere... in movies, books, poetry, music... almost every adult (or individual old enough to be sexually aware) experiences it on some level and in some form.

It is.... romantic longing.

I find this particular form of the pain body to be common in artistic, creative, and sensitive people in general. This is the kind of pain that *feels so good* it doesn't even register as pain, unless it becomes very intense and acute.

This mask of the pain body carries an ache, a wanting, a longing... for something that resembles oneness... directed at another individual. It is a form of seeking of future fulfillment and a sense of present lack... and a denial of the deep peace and joy that is available now. Always sexual in its core nature, it hides in that place where we come closest to experiencing oneness on the physical level... and looks to sexual union for its salvation.

Of course this experience is momentary... and because it never lasts the pain body thrives on the longing that is predominant to the individual that becomes addicted to this experience. The longing can often be unrecognized as pain, because there are sexual elements to it that on some level feel pleasurable. There is a certain *high* that one can get from longing for another... the body can become infused with sexual energy and a false sense of aliveness. It is very easy to become totally identified with the pain body in this form, as on some level it seems as if what is experienced is love... and the mind doesn't see the opposite polarity point.. which is hate.

ANYTHING that is born of pain is an attack upon oneself in order to make someone else guilty. And guilt trips are hateful. This is the raw structure of the pain body... stripped of its disguise.

I am still amazed at this discovery. I have carried the pain body in this form for a very long time. Being a very sensitive and sensual person, I am easily touched very deeply by beauty, music, nature, art... I feel the awe from such beauty resonate throughout my entire body. It's not uncommon for me to be brought to tears when listening to certain music (Rachmaninof, for example

) or seeing the beauty of nature. And of course in sexual union, this sensuality and sensitivity can aid in some amazing experiences.

However what the ego does... which then manifests into the pain body... is that it tries to capture that moment of sensitivity (and ecstacy) and HOLD ON to it or POSSESS it, which immediately sends us into past/future identity. Such energy frequency cannot be maintained or controlled... and trying to hold on to it only creates a memory, experienced as longing. Without recognizing this pattern and letting the experience go the moment it goes... voila! more ache to add to the pain body.

Often what I find is that people with similar pain body identities are attracted to one another... because there is a strong likelihood that together they will somehow create a situation of longing, in order to feed the pain body. So in fact, it is pain bodies that are creating the attractions... and without our awareness... we think we are that pain body.

I welcome any input about this subject. Like I said, this awareness just came to me and being so new it's still sinking in.

Patterns · Post by **Patterns** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 2:48 pm

Something to back up your insight.

That is interesting. Romantic longing. I have a friend who is very artistic, creative and extremly sensitive; she adores to be touched by males. She has forever been searching for the perfect man, she needs passion and lots of it. She was involved with this paticular man for perhaps a year or so - and was head-over-heels in love with this man. She once told me, being very serious, if he would have told her to jump off a bridge - she would have. She had complete trust in him. One day, he dropped her - out of nowhere. "He was my God" -- her words. She never spoke to him again. She received an e-mail that said he thought she was drifting away from him, and that this was the last time she would hear from him. It's like he fell off the face of the planet - and he did, as far as her mind is concerned - which is her reality. He still lives in there as thought, of course. As you can imagine - she was more than a little bit upset. She describes it as a gapping never-ending void that she belives will never be quite filled.

She was never upset with him, angered. She told me she wishes she could become angry at him - so she could move on. That's her thought-process. It's been about 6 months now, and the wound is healing itself.

She was married for 18 years. She says when she hit her 30's it's like she just hit puberty - and wanted to have sex with everyone. Subsequently she had a few affairs. She left her husband for the aforementioned man to get to know him better.

While she is painting, she tells me she experiences bliss. Tolle once mentioned painters who have real talent, and may not even realize it - are coming from a place of stillness inside. Not sure if it relates to the disscussion, but there you go.

She has since found another man, and although she also says she loves him a great deal (one of those love at first sight things lol) he will never be able to match Mr. Perfect. Her friends tell her to be careful... but she decides not to heed their advise. "I live for the moment" is her favorite line. That's perfectly fine, of course. Absolutely none of my business. Even if she gets hurt - she says - at least she had the intense joy/experience while it lasted.

She ALSO cries a lot while listening to music - sometimes for no apparent reason that she is aware of. She likes talking walks in nature as well.

FWIW: She is always the "lesser" one in the relationship - she feels more comfortable being told what to do - etc.

She is a lovely women - very innocent. I love innocence

Now what is most interesting, is this: You know Mr. Perfect? She never met him in person.

MatthewCromer · Post by **MatthewCromer** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 4:27 pm

Very good post, "myself". Lots of good insight there, that fits into my own life. Certainly there is a great tendency to try and "find ourself" through romantic and sexual relationships with "others".

However, I'm not sure that romantic sexual attraction is any different from any other "dance" that arises in life.

The forms are there, they are beautiful, they can be enjoyed and appreciated, but in the end if we grasp onto them and try to keep identified with them, the result is suffering.

I think that almost more common among spiritual "seeker" types is the opposite situation. An asceticism of sorts, where one "disengages" from all the dances because they are seen as "delusions", "unspiritual", etc. Sometimes this takes the form of people who spend much of their time practicing meditation, or constantly talking about Cosmic Consciousness, or making commentary on how "other people" are lost in Maya. Again this is duality, "presence" vs. being "unpresent".

Or sometimes there is a swinging from one pole to another. Caught up in stories, romance, longing, lust. Next, rejecting all of it, detached and disengaged from the pleasures of life, avoiding things which might create identification.

The true meditation arises in every moment, indeed there are no "moments" in this place at all, only the ever-present now. It is found in walking, in eating, in sitting quietly, in making love, in writing on the internet, even in moments of "non-presence".

din · Post by **din** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 7:16 pm

There's a particular mask of the pain body ...

It is.... romantic longing.

The sense of being incomplete.

The hallmark of ego.

And seeking "out there" for completeness. (a mate)

myself · Post by **myself** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 4:20 am

Thank you for sharing that story. Yes there are quite a few similarities between me and your friend. Except I don't play "lesser" and I'm not submissive to anyone, although I can be putty in the hands of the man that can handle me. LOL! You mentioned that she has been forever searching for the perfect man.... I think I've had something similar, ever since I can remember. But perhaps with me it's not so much the perfect man as it is the perfect moment of connection that has been my drug... that bliss of complete and total union.

I'd like to share a story of something that happened to me a few years ago... I think it will shed some light on this subject.... the insight is still unfolding and growing more and more clear in my mind.

I met a man with whom I'd say I had 100% sexual compatibility, both of us being very passionate and sensual. I knew of him from the internet at first... a discussion group that we both belonged to... and even then.. just his words made me take notice... and I felt instant sexual attraction. Then, as it turned out we lived very close to each other, and met in person through some mutual friends and gatherings going on at the time. The attraction was intense. He would stare at me from across the room... and I could FEEL his energy touching me. I am very empathic and can feel energy strongly. And I felt him intensely. Several times we would attend some of these get togethers with friends... but never privately. Then one day we were at a party together... the rest of the people left... the home owners went to walk their dog... and he and I were left alone together in the house.

He sat next to me on the couch... and there was a span of time that lasted maybe 10 minutes or so... where not a single word was spoken... not from the moment he sat down next to me. We sat in complete silence and stillness... and I was not aware of a single thought. He caressed my face....very intimately... and we just looked into each others eyes. The intensity was enormous. It is as if time stopped. Then a moment came when something sort of clicked and it felt like a veil was lifted. In that moment I was not aware of myself... it's hard to describe it... but in that moment I opened up... completely ripe, open, undefended. Something deep within me cried YES!... and it wasn't a thought. The sexual passion and intensity was beyond anything I had ever experienced or imagined was possible. And I knew in that moment a very deep love and intimacy.

After awhile we became aware that it was time to part, when our friends came back. I think we were both in shock.... and it was quite painful to have to stop, if you can imagine. It never went beyond him touching my face... we never even kissed.

I was on fire for days afterward. It was as if I had discovered the essence of the female archetype. It felt as if this was the experience I'd been longing for my whole life. To touch in THE most intimate way... to lift the veil completely.... that is what it felt like. And from that moment on I loved him deeply, passionately, intensely... and still do. It seems to me it's impossible to connect beyond the veil and NOT love someone forevermore. Although I know that the sexual passion is not necessarily pertinent to that connection... but this is the flavor of the energy that he and I shared together.

We never touched like that again... and never had the opportunity to explore physical intimacy. Always circumstances and situations thwarted any such possible connection. I suppose it wasn't in the cards. But the longing for that moment stayed with me for years afterwards.

Now I realize with more clarity what that was all about. This experience highlighted for me the addiction of my ego... the search outside myself, the hook of the experience... and then feeding the painbody with my yearning and longing for something that I couldn't connect to in the present moment.

This was a blessing in disguise, although it was quite awhile before I recognized its lesson. The only pertinent thing about that experience was the fact that we shared 10 minutes of complete stillness and silence, without thought. In the presence of now... amazing depth and connection is possible. And yet this was ONLY an experience... no different than many other wonderful experiences that other people have. Afterward the ego took over, tried to claim it, possess it, re-live it... always chasing something just out of reach. And the pain body took over too.... feeding off the wanting and needing of it.

What I know now is that there is nothing to chase. I can know that stillness and joy right HERE AND NOW, on my own... I don't need something outside of myself to connect to that. The longing comes when I disconnect to the NOW and forget myself... and of course the pain body is waiting to pounce on and feed off of those moments.

And I don't have to discount the amazing connection that is possible between any two people. There was really nothing special about that man... it was only that he and I were able to meet in that SPACE where such connection became possible. I don't have to avoid relationships or sexual intimacy for fear that addictive mind patterns and pain body will take over... although I know I have run away because of such fears before. And that's really OK. If the pull to unconsciousness is too strong (which it can be very strong when it comes to sexual intimacy), I can stay away until I feel strong enough that it won't take me over. The important thing is to recognize what is really going on, and to see ego and painbody for what it is and not be fooled.

It sounds like your friend became completely identified with the story and with her character in the story. Then she was subject to the polarity of the pleasure/pain cycles. It's interesting that she never met him in person. I assume they connected on the internet. I know there can be amazing connection through the internet... after all the space that seems to separate people is just an illusion. However in my experience internet connection can be very tricky... they are easily subject to delusion and projection. What is your view on this?

myself · Post by **myself** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 4:30 am

MatthewCromer wrote: I think that almost more common among spiritual "seeker" types is the opposite situation. An asceticism of sorts, where one "disengages" from all the dances because they are seen as "delusions", "unspiritual", etc. Sometimes this takes the form of people who spend much of their time practicing meditation, or constantly talking about Cosmic Consciousness, or making commentary on how "other people" are lost in Maya. Again this is duality, "presence" vs. being "unpresent".

Yes I can see that. LOL! Ultimately I have no interest in "disengaging". I don't believe rejection is the answer to anything, really. If something is naturally arising I'm willing to express it... and if it naturally ceases to arise then I'm willing to let it go. I'm still a young woman in my mid 30's and I think I HAVE hit puberty again. haha! Plus I got this thing about me... I always want to look in the face of fear. I just can't help it... I was drawn that way.

Or sometimes there is a swinging from one pole to another. Caught up in stories, romance, longing, lust. Next, rejecting all of it, detached and disengaged from the pleasures of life, avoiding things which might create identification.

Yes... I've been there.

It's a fine line... when there are too many layers of mind stuff it's just not fun playing the game.

The true meditation arises in every moment, indeed there are no "moments" in this place at all, only the ever-present now. It is found in walking, in eating, in sitting quietly, in making love, in writing on the internet, even in moments of "non-presence".

To be in this world but not of it... that is the dance.

myself · Post by **myself** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 4:31 am

din wrote:
There's a particular mask of the pain body ...

It is.... romantic longing.

The sense of being incomplete.

The hallmark of ego.

And seeking "out there" for completeness. (a mate)

Yep that sums it up nicely.

thank you.

MatthewCromer · Post by **MatthewCromer** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 6:17 pm

The important thing is to recognize what is really going on, and to see ego and painbody for what it is and not be fooled.

Eventually, in the end, it is seen that there is no ego, no painbody, no self to get lost, no possibility of being trapped in suffering. Just freedom, just pure love, pure joy, pure awareness, Oneness with all that is. Nothing to fear, nothing needed, just perfection unfolding itself.

din · Post by **din** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 6:39 pm

Eventually, in the end, it is seen that there is no ego, no painbody, no self to get lost, no possibility of being trapped in suffering. Just freedom, just pure love, pure joy, pure awareness, Oneness with all that is. Nothing to fear, nothing needed, just perfection unfolding itself.

Hey!!!

Did you say that or did I ???

MatthewCromer · Post by **MatthewCromer** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 10:07 pm

Hey!!!

Did you say that or did I ???

Yes.

myself · Post by **myself** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 2:00 am

MatthewCromer wrote:
Hey!!!

Did you say that or did I ???
Yes.

hahaha!

din · Post by **din** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 4:50 am

Eventually, in the end, it is seen that there is no ego, no painbody, no self to get lost, no possibility of being trapped in suffering. Just freedom, just pure love, pure joy, pure awareness, Oneness with all that is. Nothing to fear, nothing needed, just perfection unfolding itself.

I have to add Viv's post from another thread since she's saying the same thing and saying it so well!!!

Yes, he (Tony Parsons) always turns it back to 'non-ness'. I.e. there is no teacher, there is nothing to be taught. There is no 'me' to be enlightened. There was/is never an enlightened person. That's just an experience.

There's not even 'be, here, now.'. Gasp! because that supposes a 'me' to be doing something at some time.

what is said is: "This is it". Nothing personal. No me. No you. Only aliveness. Being aliveness. Whatever is happening is it. Even pretending to be an I not wanting to hear. That too is what it is.

And no-one can give it to you. Because there is 'no-one' to get it. And 'no-one' to give it.

It is, when 'I' is not. It can't be taught, or passed on, or got. It already is what you are. Whatever that is.

Nothing to do. Nothing to get. Nothing to be.

Except being.

As it is. What it is.

flower · Post by **flower** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 8:40 pm

Was going to do a quote but don't seem to have the technologobological know-how yet so will have to do without. All I wanted to say was... as I was reading about peoples romances I was thinking that drama is the hardest thing to let go of. Life in the manifested realm is so full of texture and colour and fabulous creatures and endless possibilities and there is a real addiction to all this - a real sense of fear that all this will be lost if you just dwell in the present moment - it's a tough one. Even when you can sometimes experience the bliss of being in the present moment.

myself · Post by **myself** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 8:53 pm

flower wrote:Was going to do a quote but don't seem to have the technologobological know-how yet so will have to do without. All I wanted to say was... as I was reading about peoples romances I was thinking that drama is the hardest thing to let go of. Life in the manifested realm is so full of texture and colour and fabulous creatures and endless possibilities and there is a real addiction to all this - a real sense of fear that all this will be lost if you just dwell in the present moment - it's a tough one. Even when you can sometimes experience the bliss of being in the present moment.

drama is really something that occurs within... as does peace. it's all about the inner experience. the outer form that unfolds doesn't matter. outer form can arise from a peaceful presence (where identity is rooted in being) or from a disconnected state in which we are completely identified with outer form. the only important factor is how we're Being in the moment.

flower · Post by **flower** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 10:12 pm

Yes that's right. I know that to be true but sometimes I feel the drama pulling me back like gravity. At the moment I ration myself!