feeling small and insignificant

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Cristina
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feeling small and insignificant

Post by Cristina » Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:53 am

Hi all,

I do not know how to stop feeling a fool and acting like a fool. This is the image i have from myself.

People treat me like a fool also. But I know this is my fault.

I think most of the problems happens due to my behavior when I want something, victimizing myself.

I cannot stop with this behavior. How can I stop with these ideas about myself. I feel bad after receiving a negative feedback from others. I would like to ignore those words, but I feel so small and insignificant.

Thanks

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Webwanderer
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by Webwanderer » Mon Apr 07, 2014 1:59 pm

How would you prefer to be? What qualities of behavior would bring you more peace and better feelings? Really, consider this question deeply and answer it in detail.

WW

Cristina
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by Cristina » Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:47 pm

thank you very much WW,

I really do not know… I know only what I do not want to be, but it seems impossible.
Every time I finish acting the same way.

When I want something, it can be to achieve something or when I like someone, and I am not being corresponded I start to victimize myself in some way.
For example, I knew what was happening with a person I liked and I pretended I did not know it, only to continue with the relationship. But actually I knew that he was involved with other person and lying to me. What I think all the time as a correct action: I should stop talking with him, let him go, but I am not able to do it. I start to show my interest even more.

Other example, when I want something and I know that it will not be possible, even knowing this, I start making plans to have this thing. I never give up. Actually I give up when I start to feel myself very fool, and when I am very hurt, offended, but I should have stopped in the beginning, when I knew that all my actions would be in vain.

In the end, the thing does not happen or the person leaves me and I actually knew it.

After all I feel like a fool, totally broken, due to my own actions, but I cannot avoid this. I start everything very well, but I believe that due to my anxiety and inferiority feelings every situation has the same ending.

Cristina
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by Cristina » Mon Apr 07, 2014 8:26 pm

when I am in the presence of others, I lose myself.
I only recover my own self when I am alone.

I do not know how to be me in everyplace.

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treasuretheday
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by treasuretheday » Mon Apr 07, 2014 8:34 pm

Cristina, I realize that the awareness of what is "missing" can be painful. But hang in there. Tempting as it may be to write off your behavior as "foolish," or as evidence that your life is "small and insignificant," you are actually on a road that could lead you to a path of renewal! You are on Holy Ground, touching the Great Mystery. The switch can flip, miracles can happen, the profane seen as spiritual. Look --- really notice, remember --- after the loss of one direction, another more vibrant one so often emerges. Great beauty grows from the smallest seed. Pain diminishes and new life springs forth.
Cristina wrote:In the end, the thing does not happen
And the "facts" of your existence may not immediately be altered by spiritual transformation, but as C.S. Lewis wrote, you will be "surprised by joy" no matter what does or doesn't happen. Notice that WW focused on you feeling better, and he did not link your feeling better to your attainment of this or that relationship, place, thing, or accomplishment. Because once you reach such goals, as the sages say, you discover, "wherever you go, there you are." A new boyfriend, job, house, the high esteem and admiration of your peers, won't provide the "answer."

What makes the desert beautiful, is that somewhere it hides a well. ~ Antoine De Saint-Expery

In dry times, you must listen for the "ping" that directs you to the oasis. Listen for it...it is there. It is the real thing; you can trust it. You don't need experts sailing ships from 12 countries to tell you it's not a whale wearing a wrist watch. Be sensitive to those vibrations hidden in the depths. The miracle is about to surface. The human heart and spirit can always be renewed and revived. Yes, we all forget this from time to time! But we can emerge from our amnesia and again cherish the real treasure ... the amazing gift of existence.
Life itself is the proper binge.
-Julia Child

hanss
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by hanss » Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:19 pm

Cristina wrote:Hi all,

I do not know how to stop feeling a fool and acting like a fool. This is the image i have from myself.

People treat me like a fool also. But I know this is my fault.

I think most of the problems happens due to my behavior when I want something, victimizing myself.

I cannot stop with this behavior. How can I stop with these ideas about myself. I feel bad after receiving a negative feedback from others. I would like to ignore those words, but I feel so small and insignificant.

Thanks
Just a suggestion, try to stop the stopping. Accept that behaviour, accept that you feel small and insignificant, only for a few minutes, what happens?
(Hugs)
"In today's rush we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just Being."
(Eckhart Tolle)

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KathleenBrugger
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by KathleenBrugger » Wed Apr 09, 2014 11:04 pm

hanss wrote:
Cristina wrote:Hi all,
I do not know how to stop feeling a fool and acting like a fool. This is the image i have from myself.
Just a suggestion, try to stop the stopping. Accept that behaviour, accept that you feel small and insignificant, only for a few minutes, what happens?
(Hugs)
That's an interesting suggestion, hanss. It made me think of a quote from Alan Watts (I believe it's from This Is It):
Alan Watts wrote:
Before a man can change his course of action he must first be sincere, going with and not against his nature, even when the immediate trend of his nature is toward evil, toward a fall...One turns the front wheel of a bicycle in the direction in which one is falling. Surprisingly, to the beginner, one does not lose control but regains it. So, also, to recover himself the automobile driver must turn in the direction of a skid.
In my book I included this quote in a section called "honest indulgence to completion":

Honest indulgence to completion means that I drop all pretense of struggling to give up a self-destructive behavior or thought pattern when the truth is I’m still clinging to it and, as objectively and honestly as possible, observe the pattern in operation. Either the pattern is running my life or it isn’t. If it is, watch it, let it do its thing, and try to tell the truth about what I see. Don’t beat myself up for behaving or thinking that way. Realize that I’m insane and confused. Just watch and question. Does the behavior or thought produce love or hate, happiness or suffering? Indulging in shame, denial, and/or fruitless struggle against a power I don’t understand doesn’t accomplish anything. Until I’m complete my struggle is a sham and a further excuse to despise myself whenever I fail to abandon it. The guilt I wallow in when I fail is, in fact, the price I willingly pay in order to justify my continued indulgence in a behavior or thought.

A “self-destructive behavior pattern” doesn’t mean just drinking excessively or eating compulsively. Self-destructive (insane) behavior arises from the entrenched subjective beliefs that cause us to follow the fixed plot lines of My Story for a lifetime. “I am not attractive” is an addictive and self-destructive thought pattern that leads to patterns of behavior with innumerable negative consequences [same with acting like a fool].

The word “honest” is very important in “honest indulgence to completion.” I’m not talking about mindless indulgence (although A.A. tells us that can lead to the turning point), but rather a conscious witnessing of my behavior and its results. Honesty can take us from unconscious suppression to completion.

“Complete” [Webster’s]: having all parts or elements; lacking nothing; whole; entire; full. Synonyms for “complete” are intact; perfect; absolute; thorough; undivided; unity; integrity. Every moment of reality has all parts or elements, lacks nothing, and is whole, entire, full, and complete. Reality is always complete. Reality is always perfect. If we are unhappy with any given moment of now it is because we are subjectively value-assessing it as “lacking” in something, as “incomplete.”

Subjective mind is able to convince us that a negative or self-destructive behavior pattern is good for us because it never permits us to objectively observe all the information about the behavior: the consequences, the rewards, the price, the results. To quote the above definition, we are never permitted to see “all parts, all elements.” We cannot see the big picture. We are only allowed to see the part of the picture that justifies our continued indulgence. We are only permitted to see that information which supports the survival of the behavior-rationalizing beliefs....

Keep sharing here Cristina. As a friend once said, we're all bozos on this bus--we help each other by sharing our clownish behavior.
We are ALL Innocent by Reason of Insanity
http://kathleenbrugger.blogspot.com/

Cristina
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by Cristina » Thu Apr 10, 2014 3:08 am

Thank you treasuretheday, hanss and Kathleen
Thank you so much

As I said I only recover my own self when I am alone.
When I am in the presence of some people I like, or when I think about someone in particular, someone special to me, I lose myself.
And I do not feel insecure when I am doing these actions. I am completely sure of what I want, with no doubt about what I want.

But then I do everything wrong, I am always trying to fix it, and things get worst at each attempt to fix.

After all I feel like a fool, because I can see my wrong actions, but I do not think that these actions are wrong while I am doing it :shock: It is so strange, I think that it will be a good thing to do and immediately after, I can see that it was a wrong decision.

I feel like each decision I take is wrong. I cannot control this. :(

hanss wrote: Just a suggestion, try to stop the stopping. Accept that behaviour, accept that you feel small and insignificant, only for a few minutes, what happens?
(Hugs)
I accept my behavior, actually I know that I feel small because of my actions.
But I would like to change my feelings, to let go things that I will not be able to receive, in a natural way. I would like to feel good even when the circunstances (every day) are not the way I would like to live. Even when I do wrong things, to stop trying to control the situations.
I always wish I had done things differently.

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treasuretheday
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by treasuretheday » Thu Apr 10, 2014 3:08 pm

Cristina wrote:I accept my behavior, actually I know that I feel small because of my actions.
Or maybe you feel small because of the thoughts about your actions? Some people making the same move that you declare foolish, would describe their behavior as "quirky" or "cute!" It's a matter of perspective.
Cristina wrote:But I would like to change my feelings... to feel good even when the circunstances (every day) are not the way I would like to live
Then think better feeling thoughts! Experiment. Consider new, fresh perspectives on the same old things. What was once an unbearable, 'tragic' flaw, could become a charming idiosyncracy. What was once a horrible mistake, could become one of the best learning experiences of your life... for which you actually feel grateful! The "facts" don't have to change...but changing one's mind about them can have life-altering repercussions!
Cristina wrote:I always wish I had done things differently.
I sure know what that feels like! Regret. But I have come to see that I did the best I knew to do with what information was available to me at the time. Life teaches us through things not always working the way we would prefer. We learn to laugh with delight, not at, but with, ourselves and the unfolding of it all; to smile and embrace the mystery.

I have also found it useful to remember that Positive Being is not just a rapid succession of bouncy, "up," perky thoughts! Fears, doubts, times of big questions and confusion can lead to important insights. I am learning to love and cherish those times too! To regard them with respect, appreciation and TLC, to embrace them as opportunities to listen and pay attention. There is something there my soul and the soul of the world is prompting me to hear. So the energy of the experience marked by "Struggle" can still feel uplifting and "positive." This is the holistic power of Life at work... You just have to love it!

Cristina, I can't tell you that you will never say anything "foolish" again, or that you will never again do anything you regret, or that you will never, ever feel challenged or endure struggle. But instead of viewing these inevitabilities as you doing life "wrong" or life doing you wrong, you can say, "Okay, here we go. Buckle up, we're in for a bumpy ride! What learning is store now!" It's all about fresh seeing, Cristina. Cultivating a sense of wonder and reverence toward Life ... unfolding in all its glorious mystery.
Life itself is the proper binge.
-Julia Child

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Webwanderer
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Apr 10, 2014 6:35 pm

Love your post, treasure. Expresses real clarity and understanding of how to move one's life away from self-inflicted pain and suffering, and in a direction of attention that brings more peace and happiness.

WW

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SandyJoy
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by SandyJoy » Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:35 am

Yes Treasure, you really said that all very well, honest and true. That's it. Life is the Intelligence that is teaching us to find our Real Self, the Soul and not be afraid to Live It right here in the world, just the way you are. Your time here in this world is to be used to become a strong individual, standing on your own feet. And you will do that Cristina. That's the reason for being here. All this 'self hate' is your way back to your True Self, to your own Soul and then you will find you have much to do here in the world, for your world.

Like Treasure says, be proud to be different, the world of mediocrity is not your way. You are unique and different. Thank God for that. Who wants to be like a cog in collective? Break free, get out of the slavery. Don't buy the prison sentence. Get out and run free. Be a Light to your world. Be the one who does not follow the crowd, but goes your own way. Be your self. Trust yourself.

The new world is going to be about those who find their own power and use It with out fear. There is Magic here and the Magic is palpable and real, you can open your Heart to Life and embrace the Wonder and find your way to give back and as you do the World of Love gives back to you.

You're doing fine---Trust Life and your own God Given Intelligence and Follow your own Stars-- .

And read Treasures post again and really see what she is saying---because she has expressed it perfectly, honest and true.
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.

peas
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by peas » Fri Apr 11, 2014 5:17 am

The title of your original post, "feeling small and insignificant", says it all. Who is feeling small? The 'small me'. It's not the real you. Then why get stuck in it? Just notice it, as a "feeling" (another clue from the title) that comes and goes. Often the answer is so simple you look beyond it.

Then, what is 'significance'? It is the mind becoming important. A function it was never intended to be, in the original human being that you are. Notice that too.

Cristina
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by Cristina » Sat Apr 12, 2014 5:30 pm

Thank you again treasuretheday, SandyJoy and Peas for helping me to see things from a different perspective.

Thank you all

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Webwanderer
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by Webwanderer » Sat Apr 12, 2014 8:35 pm

Cristina wrote:Thank you again treasuretheday, SandyJoy and Peas for helping me to see things from a different perspective.

Thank you all
Yes Cristina, it really is all about perspective in making things work well in life. And even better, we each get to choose. Great life experiences come from wise choices in how we see things.

WW

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treasuretheday
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Re: feeling small and insignificant

Post by treasuretheday » Sat Apr 12, 2014 10:51 pm

Thank you for the kind words, WW!

Sandyjoy...Thank you! I so enjoyed your wise, loving, uplifting and inspiring post!
Webwanderer wrote:Great life experiences come from wise choices in how we see things.
Wow. A great twist on the usual, "A great life = making all the 'right' choices!" Very liberating!

Cristina, thank you for sharing with us! As I think about you, this song comes to mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnJV_c4YLtE

Blessings!
Life itself is the proper binge.
-Julia Child

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