emotional pain during all life

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emotional pain during all life

Postby presenttense » Fri Oct 31, 2014 6:58 pm

Hi,

Since I was a little girl I feel as I am someone different from others. I feel as If i knew my life would be different and I would feel this loneliness and emotional pain.
I think deep inside i always knew I would feel this pain.

I found a little book I wrote almost 20 years ago and my feelings were the same as now. The same kind of pain and fear for the future, not so strong as in the now but with the same questions and I have now.
I was afraid to become what I am now. The future I was thinking is the now...
How can I change this?

Do you think deep inside we know how our life will be, how things will happen?

I was so young and the fear and sadness were already there...

Thanks so much
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby Phil2 » Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:42 pm

presenttense wrote:How can I change this?



What do you want to change exactly ?

Do you want to change how things are ? or do you want to change how you see or think things are ?

??

It is difficult to change the outer world ... but it is always possible to change how we perceive the world ... because we don't see things as they are, we see things as WE are ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby presenttense » Sat Nov 01, 2014 2:50 am

Phil2 wrote:
presenttense wrote:How can I change this?



What do you want to change exactly ?

Do you want to change how things are ? or do you want to change how you see or think things are ?

??
...


I want to change how I see things and how things are...

Phil2 wrote:It is difficult to change the outer world ... but it is always possible to change how we perceive the world ... because we don't see things as they are, we see things as WE are ...

sometimes I believe in this idea, but everytime I think I see the world and people with good eyes...I feel disappointed later, because some bad thing happens. So, maybe this idea is not true...
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby Phil2 » Sat Nov 01, 2014 12:08 pm

presenttense wrote:
Phil2 wrote:It is difficult to change the outer world ... but it is always possible to change how we perceive the world ... because we don't see things as they are, we see things as WE are ...

sometimes I believe in this idea, but everytime I think I see the world and people with good eyes...I feel disappointed later, because some bad thing happens. So, maybe this idea is not true...


Labelling some event as "bad" or "good" is a judgement ... it arises from your limited point of view and 'expectations' ...

As long as you resist "what is" (ie. what happens to you) you will run into problems and create suffering ... you must learn to surrender to 'what is' ... whatever form this moment takes, as Eckhart puts it ... it is what it is ... which does not mean of course that things must remain the same for eternity ...

Can you learn to welcome anything that happens to you without judgement of good/bad ? without resisting to it ?

??
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby presenttense » Sat Nov 01, 2014 2:08 pm

Hi Phil, thanks

I am ok with everything, I am not resisting to what is anymore.
I was just observing this is a pattern, since I was very young.

So maybe I have to change something..
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby Phil2 » Sat Nov 01, 2014 3:00 pm

presenttense wrote:Hi Phil, thanks

I am ok with everything, I am not resisting to what is anymore.
I was just observing this is a pattern, since I was very young.

So maybe I have to change something..


How can you say "I am ok with everything, I am not resisting to what is anymore." and at the same time "So maybe I have to change something" ? This appears contradictory, no ?

??

When everything is ok, nothing needs to be 'changed' ... which does not mean "do nothing", you can do anything you love, but you don't do this to change things ... you do this because you love to do it ... there is no goal, no intention ... in fact no 'doer' even ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby karmarider » Sat Nov 01, 2014 4:10 pm

presenttense wrote:Since I was a little girl I feel as I am someone different from others. I feel as If i knew my life would be different and I would feel this loneliness and emotional pain.
I think deep inside i always knew I would feel this pain.


I did as well. Maybe this is very common, or at least it's common with introspective people?

Do you think deep inside we know how our life will be, how things will happen?


It does seem to be the case that what I am fearing is the direction that I have often moved in.

I was so young and the fear and sadness were already there...


I think a basic fear comes to us very early.

If you look at you, the sense-of-I-am, (in the way John Sherman suggests), you remember that previously in your life you have looked. You remember random, and often insignificant events in you life when your had withdrawn to your sense of you.

In the same way, sometimes when I had felt fear, I had found that it is very familiar and it has always been there. So I think you are right--the fear comes to us early.

But the best thing about fear is that you can feel it. You can look inside and feel it. In feeling it, you can release it.
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby presenttense » Fri Nov 07, 2014 4:23 am

Thank you karmarider, thank you Phil

Phil2 wrote:
How can you say "I am ok with everything, I am not resisting to what is anymore." and at the same time "So maybe I have to change something" ? This appears contradictory, no ?

??

When everything is ok, nothing needs to be 'changed' ... which does not mean "do nothing", you can do anything you love, but you don't do this to change things ... you do this because you love to do it ... there is no goal, no intention ... in fact no 'doer' even ...


Hi Phil, thank you...
i think I understand you, but I dont really know how you are able to let go all of your desire to change things when they happen different as what you want to experience... Living day by day, with all kind of people, it seems impossible to not react in some way..
I do not believe some people is capable to do this when in constant contact with their wishes, with people and things happening around.. Maybe it is accomplished when you are isolated in a mountain...or meditating alone...but in the middle of everything??

one can accept...but to stop with this "desire for some kind of change" ? Is it possible?
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby Phil2 » Fri Nov 07, 2014 9:59 am

presenttense wrote:i think I understand you, but I dont really know how you are able to let go all of your desire to change things when they happen different as what you want to experience...


The problem abides in your very desire or wanting to change things ... which means that you do not 'surrender' to 'what is' as it is ... which immediately implies that you have to 'do' something, you become a 'doer' ... which creates stress and tensions ... because intention means 'in-tension' ...

presenttense wrote: Living day by day, with all kind of people, it seems impossible to not react in some way..
I do not believe some people is capable to do this when in constant contact with their wishes, with people and things happening around.. Maybe it is accomplished when you are isolated in a mountain...or meditating alone...but in the middle of everything??


It is clear that the presence of others is 'challenging' ... but this is also an opportunity to learn something and evolve ... in what is called the 'mirror of relationships' ...

Sometimes others are so much challenging that the French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said "Hell is other people" ... others are seen as 'hell' because they are thought to be obstacles to our own needs, when you drop your personal desires and surrender to 'what is', no obstacle can arise any more ...

presenttense wrote:one can accept...but to stop with this "desire for some kind of change" ? Is it possible?


Totally possible ... just surrender to 'what is' ... abandon the resistance ... abandon the fight ...

:)
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: emotional pain during all life

Postby Onceler » Fri Nov 07, 2014 1:12 pm

I second what Karmarider suggests. Check out Sherman's method at justonelook.org. It's a very simple way to access the you, "I am", that does not change and can't be harmed or helped. This act changed my perspective and context by greatly diminishing over time that feeling that we all share that something is fundamentally wrong. Once the fear is cleared, it frees you up to explore life with new eyes.
Be present, be pleasant.
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