How can you not let disrespectful people affect you?

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How can you not let disrespectful people affect you?

Postby Clouded » Fri Jan 08, 2016 1:36 am

Ever since I have stopped taking my daily medication, I experience out of proportion anger at whoever I perceive as disrespectful towards me. I shout at people and restrain myself from shouting profanities and have vivid thoughts of hurting people and getting my revenge (but I end up hurting myself and letting others get off the hook). People have been taking advantage of me, and I don't want to pretend that it doesn't bother me. I don't exist to serve others, I have to think about my needs too. I have tried to be calm and assertive, but it doesn't work and that makes me furious because what am I to do, smile and gladly let others use me for their own benefit?

The main reason why I took medication is that it makes me feel numb when life is being unfair to me. I don't like feeling angry, I don't like upsetting others, but I don't like being used either. Anger seems to be the easiest emotion for me to experience and the hardest to let go of. I don't want to be dependent on drugs for the rest of my life but it seems that I need it to be a functioning member of society.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: How can you not let disrespectful people affect you?

Postby the key master » Fri Jan 08, 2016 5:13 am

Clouded wrote:Ever since I have stopped taking my daily medication, I experience out of proportion anger at whoever I perceive as disrespectful towards me. I shout at people and restrain myself from shouting profanities and have vivid thoughts of hurting people and getting my revenge (but I end up hurting myself and letting others get off the hook). People have been taking advantage of me, and I don't want to pretend that it doesn't bother me. I don't exist to serve others, I have to think about my needs too. I have tried to be calm and assertive, but it doesn't work and that makes me furious because what am I to do, smile and gladly let others use me for their own benefit?

The main reason why I took medication is that it makes me feel numb when life is being unfair to me. I don't like feeling angry, I don't like upsetting others, but I don't like being used either. Anger seems to be the easiest emotion for me to experience and the hardest to let go of. I don't want to be dependent on drugs for the rest of my life but it seems that I need it to be a functioning member of society.


Right being a functioning member of a dysfunctional society isn't always on path of least resistance. In fact, the more you allow anger and unresolved causal emotions to heal, the more you may find yourself in solitary dream space unencumbered by what others think and the unreasonable expectations placed on you. In what way is life treating you unfairly? In what way are you treating life unfairly? Do you notice any parallels or projection tendencies you were previously not conscious of?

As far as that anger stuff goes, if you ever get mad just come to this thread and scream at me for a while. I laugh at that stuff so no worries. But on a real note if you get ramped up sometimes the best measure is to lock yourself in a room when possible and not come out until you decompress. What you're probably noticing is an inability to relate what you're actually feeling, and this bypassing ability gives others the unconscious avenue to manipulate you. If you're conscious of what's being bypassed you're emotional body will feel less restricted and honest dialogue becomes more possible, and with that likelihood resolution of the "I feel like saying something but I'm not going to say anything" dynamic.
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Re: How can you not let disrespectful people affect you?

Postby Clouded » Fri Jan 08, 2016 7:16 am

the key master wrote:In what way is life treating you unfairly? In what way are you treating life unfairly? Do you notice any parallels or projection tendencies you were previously not conscious of?


Life is treating me unfairly because I make an effort to be kind to others and that kindness is not returned back at me. Life doesn't want me to be happy because it keeps throwing crap at me and if ignore it, I'll just be covered in crap and that is not how I want people to see me and treat me. I am treating life unfairly because I am not living to the fullest, rare were the times when I was truly happy with it. I know that I always have something to complain about, but some very shitty things were done to me and I can't just brush it off like it doesn't matter that I am hurting, like I don't matter even to myself. I have good intentions and try to help others to the best of my abilities and then I end up doing other people's work and they get credit for it. That is unfair to me; I lose sleep working on a project that is meant to be done with a teammate and they go out to have fun, I want to have fun too but I can't because my grades are too important to me. This makes my blood boil, I have good reasons to be mad, I do not understand how people cannot feel guilty for using a person like that, people just seem to ignore my feelings because my feelings are not important to them.

I feel like I have returned to a child-like state. You know how children are not afraid to speak their minds and generally don't lie or keep quiet to please others? Well I am like that now, even with strangers, and I do not know if that is a good thing because my honesty disappoints others and in turn, I am less likable to them.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: How can you not let disrespectful people affect you?

Postby the key master » Fri Jan 08, 2016 1:23 pm

Clouded wrote:
the key master wrote:In what way is life treating you unfairly? In what way are you treating life unfairly? Do you notice any parallels or projection tendencies you were previously not conscious of?


Life is treating me unfairly because I make an effort to be kind to others and that kindness is not returned back at me. Life doesn't want me to be happy because it keeps throwing crap at me and if ignore it, I'll just be covered in crap and that is not how I want people to see me and treat me.


Life doesn't actually want you to be unhappy. You may be looking at unhealed causal emotions in an unconscious behavioral cycle. The mind of the child learns what love is through the parental relationships, and a lot of what's learned has nothing to do with love. If you're lied to a lot you may find yourself unconsciously drawn to a partner that lies, and you may even equate that deception with love. If you were exploited in some way, you may unconsciously yearn to be exploited because of a desire to be loved.

I would say the desire for love and to be loved is a normal thing. How that desire expresses itself can be incredibly distorted by the unconscious mind. That distortion generally leads to a suffering complex, and that complex typically leads the individual to medicate their emotional bodies. The realization can be that Mom or Dad (and generally speaking both) didn't love you, but because of the deeply engrained belief that the parents are God, the tendency for cycles to repeat and causal emotions to remain hidden is resilient in the collective mind.

Factor in the fact that nearly every human on the planet deals with the dynamic in the same way, it shouldn't be surprising when a parent that allows his or herself to be exploited or martyred for their children raises children who exploit others. These children turned adults may well be very successful business people, and may also be in rather foul condition of soul. Trying to change someone else without first healing yourself isn't likely to pan out too good, and when you heal yourself you'll likely find the desire for others to change to diminish immensely, which doesn't prevent you from speaking your mind when others project their crap onto you.

I am treating life unfairly because I am not living to the fullest, rare were the times when I was truly happy with it. I know that I always have something to complain about, but some very shitty things were done to me and I can't just brush it off like it doesn't matter that I am hurting, like I don't matter even to myself. I have good intentions and try to help others to the best of my abilities and then I end up doing other people's work and they get credit for it. That is unfair to me; I lose sleep working on a project that is meant to be done with a teammate and they go out to have fun, I want to have fun too but I can't because my grades are too important to me. This makes my blood boil, I have good reasons to be mad, I do not understand how people cannot feel guilty for using a person like that, people just seem to ignore my feelings because my feelings are not important to them.



Well you say you are treating life unfairly by not living to the fullest, which sounds more like how life still isn't treating you fairly by not allowing you to live life to the fullest, which can be an indication of a deeply ingrained victim mentality. There's nothing implicitly wrong with that, because you may well have some unhealed causal emotions around being a victim in one way or another. Eventually you may notice the victim mentality doesn't serve your interests, at which point it will be surrendered immediately.

I don't think people are ignoring your feelings. They're noticing your feelings of vulnerability and exploiting them, which may piss you off even more. I would suggest such exploitation is not conscious, and that it is likely to continue without some spiritual work on your part. Doing that work may be just what you need, but that would require self love.
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Re: How can you not let disrespectful people affect you?

Postby Manyana » Sat Jan 09, 2016 3:23 am

When we are having ongoing difficulty with someone else, it can be that we are involved in some egoic dynamic/drama with them. And instead of focusing solely on them, take a look at our part in it. Not in an analysing or condemning way, as we can get lost in that, but just in observing our own behaviour. You may need to let the strong feelings pass through first.
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