Forgiveness

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Forgiveness

Postby Admiral Akmir » Thu Apr 21, 2016 7:20 am

I went for a long walk the other night, and thought about forgiveness, and how elusive it has been. I grew up hearing from everyone that it's important to forgive people, but they were just empty words. It always felt like a huge burden, to be a good person, I had to forgive all of the people who had hurt me in the past, because... It was healthy? No rhyme or reason, just because.

On the walk I thought about all of this and realized that the purpose of hanging onto resentment is that it makes me feel like I have some power over the situation. If I forgive someone, it's admitting that what they did was okay, and that I'm willing to accept the abuse and be okay with it. But I'm not okay with it! They messed up, they did things that hurt me, why should they get to win? Why should they get to be in the right? Why do I have to be humble and bow down before them? But they're not here anymore... I was walking alone, and yet some way, somehow, they were still there, all of them! by staying angry who was really paying? Not them... Most of those people probably don't even remember me, or ever think about me. It's been years, and yet somehow they're still right there, walking alongside me.

Forgiveness is the wrong word for it. I was taught wrong, it has nothing to do with being humble and accepting, it's about empowering oneself. It felt like I had been stuck in a prison for years, staring out the same window, and never bothered to look behind me to see that the door was open. "You're still here? You could have left a long time ago..." I was walking along a highway, and the road was long, I imagined that everyone who had ever wronged me was up there at the top of the hill standing in a line, and it was time to take the final walk. I got to the top of the hill and kept on going, past all of the imaginary people. I imagined all of the other situations I was in as a kid that made me so angry, and I put myself back in those situations as an adult. In each situation I'd just stand up and walk out of the room, building, place, wherever it was, I'd just get up and leave.

"Goodbye, I'm leaving now and I won't ever see you again, I hope you have a good life..."

I had no say in the things that happened to me back then, but I have a say now. People made choices for me back then, but I make my own choices now. I couldn't get up and walk away back then, but I can now.
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Re: Forgiveness

Postby Webwanderer » Thu Apr 21, 2016 2:27 pm

That's some good insight on forgiveness. The beauty in forgiving is that to forgive is not so much what it does for the one that we perceive has harmed us, it's what forgiveness does for us as the forgiver. It frees us to move on with our lives. People who do us harm do so out of a similar ignorance and conditioning that cause us to blame and judge others for their actions. It all separates us from a fuller life. Forgiveness is a demonstrable path to freedom of being.

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Re: Forgiveness

Postby Mystic » Sat Apr 23, 2016 9:43 pm

In the stillness of the mind is the peace of presence. Non-judgemental awareness. The body, and the world, are wholly neutral things.

An interesting anecdote about the Zen master Hakuin

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hakuin_Ek ... that_so.3F


Is that so?

A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near Hakuin. One day, without any warning, her parents discovered she was pregnant. This made her parents angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin.

In great anger the parents went to the master. "Is that so?" was all he would say.
After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him, but he took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbors and everything else the child needed.

A year later the girl could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth - the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fish market.
The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back.
Hakuin willingly yielded the child, saying only: "Is that so?"

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