Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby GermanEnlightenment » Sun May 01, 2016 12:07 pm

Today I want to write about my father.
I notice that whenever I interact with him I lose a great deal of awareness and somehow spiral into resentment, rage and fear and my whole chest-area feels tense and constricted. That´s a huge contrast to my usual daily-life because my reality changed so much that I can pretty much feel free and authentic with whoever I´m being arround and whereever I´m hanging arround. When it comes to my dad, however, it´s a whole other story. It´s like I´m at university, I´m talking to inspired and optimistic people, then I go home and talk to my dad and vibrationally it feels like jumping from a high mountain and landing flat on my face. ;) It annoys me because I´ve come so far in my journey and he just seems stuck in his ways since the time before I was born. I don´t want to feel like this arround him anymore.

I just be totally honest here: There´s no person on this planet that annoys me so much like he does. He doesn´t listen to me, yet want to talks about superficial stuff that´s going on in his life. He constantly whines about his shitty work, critizes everyone with whom he´s working with and is never satisfied no matter what anyone does. The funny thing is though when he´s going out with his friends -people that complain like him - or visits other people he´s totally upbeat and the life of the party. However, his family never sees such a side of him. When he´s at home he´s constantly moody, pissed off and very quickly throws a tantrum about some minor thing that´s gone wrong. I feel like he´s insane for complaining so much about stuff that doesn´t even matter at all. I´m angry at him for not teaching me anything about life but rather making me fearful of every new thing that I´m trying out. I despise him for his pessimism and constant doom-mongering because he doesn´t even realize how much that was holding me back in my teenage-years and young adult life. There´s a side of me that wants to see him suffer, like he made me suffer when he locked me into my room as a child or when he screamed at me because of every minor thing that I did wrong. How can I make peace with this man?

Every time I see him I´m not the slightest bit interested in him or his life because he is not interested in what I´m doing. He never was. He never knew where I went to school, what my interests were and what was going on in my relationships. But somehow he has this self-righteous attitude because he worked his ass off for his children by being gone for 14 hours a day, working some shitty job that he hates. I understand that he does it out of fear of not having enough money and he probably never learned how to form emotional connection to anyone but still, I´m thinking about my life now and how he is affecting it. When I see myself in the future, I can´t picture myself standing there with him by my side. I want him gone. He´s like a roadblock that was always in my way. And instead of encouraging me to continue on my path, he did everything to make me scared of going down certains roads.

At the moment, I´m still living at home but I have already taken measures to spend less and less time with him. I f.e. moved up to the attic where I can be a lot more free in what I´m doing and I don´t have to run into him at all. When I get my freelance-business off the ground and make enough money to pay the rent I will be out of there. I just realized that spending time with him is not only not self-loving to me but is also a collossal waste of time. Why not spend my time with people that are excited about life and with whom I can share anything that´s going on inside me without having to fear judgement or ridicule? I just feel exhausted of being arround him, feigning even the slightest interest in anything that´s coming out of his mouth. He always left me alone when I needed him the most and I can´t forgive that. Theoretically, I know that it does me no favour to hold a grudge against anybody but I feel like my relationship with him is my achilles heal. I can´t take a step back and look at it more from a distance to make an informed decision about that. I just want to leave the situation and be done with it.
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby GermanEnlightenment » Mon May 02, 2016 2:01 pm

Wow, that was quite a rent! I was in a really bad mood yesterday. It feels good though to have this out out of my system.^^
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby GermanEnlightenment » Wed May 04, 2016 3:24 pm

Today I wrote my final exam and I feel kind of empty inside. For the last three days - all exam days- I was kind of in a weird mood where everything felt off.

Here´s the thing: Whenever I had an exam in the past I would freak out the weekend before. I would catastrophize, think of unlikely examples how I would fail at the tests or be in a constant state of anxiety and stress. This time it was completely different though. I spent my weekend meditating, reading, watching funny tv-shows and spending the last day before the exams completely with my girlfriend. What was weird about that was that during the weekend I often forget about having to write exams the next week and I was just completely in the moment with whatever I was doing. I guess that shows my increasing presence because I am not able to spend my time worrying about everything anymore as I have deeply experienced before that it is of no use at all.

That might probably be the biggest lesson that I learned in the last couple of weeks. That nothing is actually required off me unless I choose to act. Previously, I thought that worrying and freaking out about writing a test or some other challenge in life would serve me in some way. Well, it never did. I only wasted my time by being in my head and constantly giving in to those negative thoughts. I guess that insight also comes from understanding that I create my own reality with my thoughts which I can deeply feel now is the truth. I got 24 years as evidence to prove that negative thinking gets you absolutely nowhere! :lol:
It´s funny, I think of all the times in my life where I put so much effort, hard work and force into something even though my heart wasn´t really into it and I can now see why I got so poor results at the time. Because even though you achieve what you wanted, the journey to get there was still a miserable and unenjoyable one and that´s why you can´t be happy about what you end up with. I think that only makes you scared of your new desires since you know that now you really want something and you will go down your usual harsh and soul-sucking road that you have walked on before. I think that´s why human beings create so much resistance towards certain desires. They know that for them, these desires will be hard to reach and take a toll on their well-being. I experienced the same thing when I didn´t live in such an abundant reality yet. I thought that I wasn´t capable of getting what I wanted and so I supressed most of my wishes, deeming them as unimportant and "not spiritual enough".

But what I also realized was that I have always been a spiritual seeker in the past. I thought I needed to have a certain experience that would change my life forever and through which I could know the truth of my existence and which path I should go down. Well, in the past I tried out a lot of different experiences, meet a diverse range of people and spend countless hours reading up on spiritual literature. The thing that I found out was that new experiences, people and insights are all good and well but they can´t actually change who I am at the core. In the end everything that happens is pretty ordinary. Only the mind has some extraordinary imaginations about certain things but reality is simply as it is, no matter what happens. I feel like I´m now at a place where I can just try out new things without any attachment to the outcome. In the past I always thought that I couldn´t try out new things that might damage my self-image and so I rather didn´t try at all. By not even trying we think that we escaped potential failures but not doing anything is actually a failure in itself as we agree with our mind that we are incapable of doing a certain task. That´s not empowering at all, it only makes us more scared.

So now my exams are done and it was a day like any other. I can more and more simply settle "into" myself. There is actually nowhere to go. Now, I understand the meaning behind the idea that there is acutally no spiritual path to walk as I am already where I am supposed to be. The search is over.
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby GermanEnlightenment » Wed May 04, 2016 3:46 pm

Oh, and what I also realized is that sometimes you have to get what your ego wants so badly only to realize later that it wasn´t really needed at all. This happened to me in the past where I was so sure that I needed f.e. the validation of girls to see myself as a desireable man only to find out that I was trying to build my self-worth on top of something fragile and external. But yes, sometimes you have to get what you don´t need in life, just to figure what you do need. You can f.e. read as many spiritual articles as you want about you not needing a girlfriend to be fulfilled but if you never had one your mind will hardly buy into these arguments, no matter how well thought out or convincing they are. Because unless you experienced it first hand what the fulfillment of that desire - no matter how aligned it was with your true nature - does to you, you won´t be able to accept that you are not having it.
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby GermanEnlightenment » Thu May 12, 2016 1:05 pm

Guys, what I realized today is that I need to get off this forum for a while!

In the last half year I became a self-help/spiritual books-junkie and it does my life no good whatsoever. Yesterday I had a really bad day. I was walking arround town and whenever I interacted with people I was so in my head and conceptualizing that I felt exhausted and fearful. I realized that I used spiritual texts/books as a security blanket to not get too involved in life and people by distancing myself from them through concepts and ideas in my head.
I actually had the best time of my life, like a year ago, when I simply put all spiritual stuff aside and simply lived. Yes, I want to live goddamn it and stop spending time in my head, making sure that I´m acting like a perfect human being in every moment. Fuck that! It makes me angry that my ego hijacked all this stuff that I learned and tried to impose a structure on me and how I should live my life. It´s time to stop engrossing myself in all of that and simply go with the flow of life. I have all the wisdom in me that I need, right? So what´s the point of accumulating more and more knowledge which only makes me more doubtful that I will ever be complete and not need fixing anymore. Standing alone is scary, I realize that. So the mind wants to learn more and more to become a master in a certain field - in this case spirituality. But rote memorizing of "spiritual" words is not the same as actually living life with your heart guiding you. I want to take the leap now and become my own teacher instead of pointlessly reading ever article or book that it´s out there just out of fear and boredom!
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby GermanEnlightenment » Thu May 12, 2016 1:50 pm

I really think that this is a matter that everyone who is inolved in spirituality in some way needs to consider this deeply. Do you really apply what you are learning or do you hide behind spirituality in your fortress of mental superiority?
Being spiritual is such an easy hobby too. It can hold you back from going out there and actually doing the things that you mind is too scared of. Instead of facing certain challenges, you sit at home, reading up on personal development, conscioussness etc. and if you don´t act on anything you learn, you stay a passive observer of your life. But we are creators! What´s the point of experiencing life through concepts and ideas instead of really being in the thick of it?

Today, I really felt a great wave of relief running through me as soon as I decided to drop all this knowledge and get involved in life again. I´m not saying that this is an issue for everyone but for someone like me who´s a pretty cerebral person anyway, all this stuff is just getting in my way. I need to be less in my head, not more. :D
"Happiness / Something in my own place / I'm standing naked / Smiling, I feel no disgrace / With who I am/ I´m a lucky man...with fire in my hands"
(The Verve - Lucky Man)
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby DavidB » Sat Jun 04, 2016 1:14 am

I actually had the best time of my life, like a year ago, when I simply put all spiritual stuff aside and simply lived.


I recommend this all the time. Forget about enlightenment, forget about transcendence and transformation. Just get out there and live. Being human is all we need to do, nothing else. :D
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby Onceler » Sat Jun 04, 2016 1:12 pm

DavidB wrote:
I actually had the best time of my life, like a year ago, when I simply put all spiritual stuff aside and simply lived.


I recommend this all the time. Forget about enlightenment, forget about transcendence and transformation. Just get out there and live. Being human is all we need to do, nothing else. :D


Yay! It worked for me too! Best thing that ever happened. It's those times when we come to the end of the road/rope and there is nothing left.....so we just give up and live. That's when we find life.
Be present, be pleasant.
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby Rubber Soul » Mon Jan 30, 2017 11:46 pm

Yesterday I had an incredible experience while watching this Tolle video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr9Jh2PoHZ4). I was listening to his words and watching him while playing the Police's "Every Breath You Take" on acoustic guitar. I started to truly feel the love and beauty contained in that guitar riff and then my love was directed to Eckhart - and it was a deep love, oh my God.

I had a similar experience 4 years ago, while high on cannabis and listening to Bruce Hornsby's "The Way It Is" but that experience was longer and more intense.

Eckhart really is correct that peace, love, joy, beauty and creativity can only come from that sacred inner stillness. The ego will never be able to feel it.
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby Rubber Soul » Thu Mar 09, 2017 3:48 am

GermanEnlightenment wrote:Today I want to write about my father.
I notice that whenever I interact with him I lose a great deal of awareness and somehow spiral into resentment, rage and fear and my whole chest-area feels tense and constricted...he just seems stuck in his ways since the time before I was born. I don´t want to feel like this arround him anymore.

I just be totally honest here: There´s no person on this planet that annoys me so much like he does. He doesn´t listen to me, yet want to talks about superficial stuff that´s going on in his life...never satisfied no matter what anyone does. The funny thing is though when he´s going out with his friends -people that complain like him - or visits other people he´s totally upbeat and the life of the party. However, his family never sees such a side of him. When he´s at home he´s constantly moody, pissed off and very quickly throws a tantrum about some minor thing that´s gone wrong.


I have that exact type of father! And I still have to live with him in a tiny apartment.
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby rachMiel » Thu Mar 09, 2017 3:15 pm

Parents are sometimes at their most dysfunctional with their nuclear family: mate, children. My mother was practically a legend among her coworkers and friends and non-nuclear family for being empathetic, giving wonderful advice, nurturing, etc. To her kids and husband she was almost diametrically opposite ... and we all have the scars to show from it.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby Rubber Soul » Fri Mar 10, 2017 4:51 am

Living with my father will surely be a hindrance to my spiritual progress. Like Ram Dass said "if you think you're enlightened, spend a week with your parents". I have to spend much longer.
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Re: Sudden insights, inspirations and ideas

Postby DavidB » Fri Mar 24, 2017 1:45 pm

“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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