afraid of being lonely without love

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Sat Nov 19, 2016 9:06 pm

dijmart wrote:Ok, well, actually what happened is he came out to the dance floor and said "can I get some private dance lessons", I said "It can be arranged", then danced away. Again when I danced by him the next time he walked out and said "what's you're number?", I gave it to him and danced away. Later, I danced by him again, he came on the dance floor again and said "whats your name?"...lol!!!

As far as suffering..since then which was 1988, I've had my fair share, for sure! See the other thread to you.


I like your story. Its good to have somebody and more with a family. Then again, I know if its what someone does to seek fulfillment, it will not end well. I learned that with school and work, focusing on a career or dating someone. I liked the coffee scene from the movie note username. I met a girl in starbucks. I met some online. I also met some at work or through friends and just going out approaching. Its a great feeling but, its short lived. Its weird too cause even after sex or a great date, it gets strange or someone plays games. I don't regret rejection or failure. I regret not taking a chance. I started reading the reality transurfing series. I have gotten through 2 already and I started the 3rd volume. The reference to pendulums is reminiscent of a pain body or collective pain bodies.

My experience is different from Cristina. Its taking nonstop opportunities on a whim. I don't want to be alone forever so, I will risk everything now and have no regrets. I met a girl who is into choreography. She has danced most her life. She had some parenting issues and a complex relationship with her dad. I saw her at the bar one night and she freaked out. She got a bit crazy. We stopped talking. I saw her again year later. She is a single mom. For most of my life, dating as a teen seemed like one great big party that I never got an invite. Its weird to because girls did like me in school. Something always just happened in between. One girl gave her number. She texted a lot and sent pics. Then, it was like a month. I never heard from her. Of course, when I run into her at a bar, "she was busy." We went home together. The next morning, the reality sets in, and the truth was that she was sleeping with some guy. He dumped her and now she wanted a rebound. Obviously, she was not a girl I would go out with since I know what she is like.

I am seeing the same patterns again and again. Its becoming abundantly clear what is out there. Its only been more apparent to me as time goes on. Girls I knew years ago now want to settle down. When they had a lot more choice, they never did or they preached not needing a man. People are married and having kids. Now everyone is ready. I am not. I would like to date even exclusively but, the right person. A girl I met seems fun and likes to laugh a lot. I am not sure we have much in common but, she seems pretty receptive. I am going to ask her out next time I see her. What do I have to lose?

Its definitely been a pain body for me. Hot and cold or emasculating comments. Its easy to get a skewed vision of things.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Sat Nov 19, 2016 11:00 pm

Unfortunately, I will admit I'm not the best one to give new relationship/dating advice. The last time I dated we were using a rotary phone, texting didnt exist and no Internet available either in 1988. So, I could say do this or that, but does it really mean anything, when I don't come from your generation or perspective? I would like to help, but think it's not my scene.

I would like to think that if I was single at this moment and met someone I thought I could like, that I wouldnt play games. I could see myself asking them out or at least letting them know I'm interested. I'm not shy!

I think my issue would be "where" to meet someone... I could see myself maybe doing a singles meet-up group or speed dating!

I'm sure rejection sucks, I haven't felt that pain. So, I sympathize with you on that one.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Sun Nov 20, 2016 12:23 am

dijmart wrote:Unfortunately, I will admit I'm not the best one to give new relationship/dating advice. The last time I dated we were using a rotary phone, texting didnt exist and no Internet available either in 1988. So, I could say do this or that, but does it really mean anything, when I don't come from your generation or perspective? I would like to help, but think it's not my scene.

I would like to think that if I was single at this moment and met someone I thought I could like, that I wouldnt play games. I could see myself asking them out or at least letting them know I'm interested. I'm not shy!

I think my issue would be "where" to meet someone... I could see myself maybe doing a singles meet-up group or speed dating!

I'm sure rejection sucks, I haven't felt that pain. So, I sympathize with you on that one.


Its exciting but, I feel compelled to see where things go. She is cute and likes to laugh a lot. She was chatty and it did not stop her that I was with my friends last time. She still made the time and effort to come over. Possible interest indicator. I am going to ask her out and see what happens. I picked up her co worker once upon a time but, she doesn't work there any more so that is good lol

How is it going for your sister on match?
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Sun Nov 20, 2016 3:33 am

meetjoeblack wrote:
dijmart wrote:Unfortunately, I will admit I'm not the best one to give new relationship/dating advice. The last time I dated we were using a rotary phone, texting didnt exist and no Internet available either in 1988. So, I could say do this or that, but does it really mean anything, when I don't come from your generation or perspective? I would like to help, but think it's not my scene.

I would like to think that if I was single at this moment and met someone I thought I could like, that I wouldnt play games. I could see myself asking them out or at least letting them know I'm interested. I'm not shy!

I think my issue would be "where" to meet someone... I could see myself maybe doing a singles meet-up group or speed dating!

I'm sure rejection sucks, I haven't felt that pain. So, I sympathize with you on that one.


Its exciting but, I feel compelled to see where things go. She is cute and likes to laugh a lot. She was chatty and it did not stop her that I was with my friends last time. She still made the time and effort to come over. Possible interest indicator. I am going to ask her out and see what happens. I picked up her co worker once upon a time but, she doesn't work there any more so that is good lol

How is it going for your sister on match?


Yeah, she does seem interested, see where it goes, why not?...

My sister...well, she got burned and dropped out of the scene. But, she's not unhappy alone, would prefer to be in a relationship, but it is what it is, for now. She has an 11 year old daughter (my sisters a widow), so she can't afford to cry about it. When the times right she'll meet a nice guy...or not.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Sun Nov 20, 2016 8:00 pm

dijmart wrote:Yeah, she does seem interested, see where it goes, why not?...

My sister...well, she got burned and dropped out of the scene. But, she's not unhappy alone, would prefer to be in a relationship, but it is what it is, for now. She has an 11 year old daughter (my sisters a widow), so she can't afford to cry about it. When the times right she'll meet a nice guy...or not.


I hear that all too common online. For instance, a girl messaged me once and the message looked clearly to be sent for someone else. Its very sly but, then, I am made to see the person is not relationship oriented. The frustrating thing I find is that, the shift usually doesn't happen until of course it must or kids are not a possibility. It gets kind of scary to be honest. It can be fun though I think there are things people can accomplish individually or as a couple.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:38 pm

Oh, I wasn't clear, she was actually dating this person and got burned. My sister would email back and forth only 2-3 times with someone, before saying they should meet in person. So, she had met up with about 6 different guys at different times in a couple month period, then got more serious with one of them. However at the end if the day, he didn't want serious, he wanted someone to be a regular booty call. So, that ended.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Mon Nov 21, 2016 5:46 am

dijmart wrote:Oh, I wasn't clear, she was actually dating this person and got burned. My sister would email back and forth only 2-3 times with someone, before saying they should meet in person. So, she had met up with about 6 different guys at different times in a couple month period, then got more serious with one of them. However at the end if the day, he didn't want serious, he wanted someone to be a regular booty call. So, that ended.


Yeah. Well, maybe she could talk to the other people again who wanted maybe something more serious? You seem to be commitment oriented which makes you good for that sort of advice.

I do the same thing with online dating as your sister. I message a bit, request number to hangout fairly fast, and or proceed without. I don't want a pen pal lol I can make a new friend or date a bit to see if there is any sort of chemistry or substance between one another. I had one where she and I were out all night then, she just got weird. I don't know if it was guilt on her part or she thought things went to fast the first time. She just started to send strange messages. A different girl, I stopped texting because I got busy with work and school. She was a nice girl. I made a mistake there.

I feel for your sister especially with her daughter and being a widow. Nobody wants to be just a booty call. Then again, it is weird as a guy. When I am a teen or even just turning 21, the girls do not want to get serious and rather say they just want to be single "have fun." I know what that translates to so, when someone now is quick to get serious, I am turned off. I am talking about people from the past. It is hard to date now. If I date my age, everyone wants babies like yesterday. If I date younger, they want to have fun and play games. It is tricky to find the right balance. Usually, its a fling and a waste a time.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Mon Nov 21, 2016 6:49 pm

My sister - I'm not worried about her, in the sense that she's fine. So, again, when the times right she will start back up dating.

Yeah, I guess the whole dating scene is complicated. Glad I'm not in it, I don't have time for nonsense and games.

Wish you well with it. Hopefully you'll find what you're looking for one of these days!
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Tue Nov 22, 2016 5:23 am

dijmart wrote:My sister - I'm not worried about her, in the sense that she's fine. So, again, when the times right she will start back up dating.

Yeah, I guess the whole dating scene is complicated. Glad I'm not in it, I don't have time for nonsense and games.

Wish you well with it. Hopefully you'll find what you're looking for one of these days!


Its strange. I got a weird message from a girl. It was a late night text. I only presume she was drinking lol The message didn't look like it was meant for me. She apologized the next day for drinking and texting but, we haven't spoken much since so, I am kind of letting it go. She is far too old to be a party girl and they type I would want to date exclusively. Its complicated. A girl I was today, we matched a few times so, she is definitely into me but, she is so damn awkward and I am not exactly Casanova. I still need something to run with so, I make small talk. She is really basic which I like. She is not pretentious. Its just stupid to match a bunch of times and things just be dull or a dud lol

I am taking your point on freedom and looking at enjoying that. I think I want to take a few trips. I am at a crossroad at this stage in my life. I am not sure what the next chapter awaits for me. I guess that's what makes life all the more exciting.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Tue Nov 22, 2016 11:14 pm

I am taking your point on freedom and looking at enjoying that. I think I want to take a few trips. I am at a crossroad at this stage in my life. I am not sure what the next chapter awaits for me. I guess that's what makes life all the more exciting.


There you go! Yes, enjoy your freedom while you have it. Before you know it you could be married with 2 kids and a mortgage. Trips may be a luxury at that point that you may or may not be able to do or afford. Not too mention that when you have a family you're not just concerned with your needs and wants, but those of your family which can add stress to this sometimes already stressful life.

For example, I'd like to go to the mall after work on a whim, but I'm not going to, because I have a family that depends on me to go home and cook dinner, fold the towels, unload the dishwasher...you get the point. If I want to go to the mall it's got to be an appropriate time for not just me, but my family. It's just how it is, in my family.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Wed Nov 23, 2016 7:24 pm

dijmart wrote:
There you go! Yes, enjoy your freedom while you have it. Before you know it you could be married with 2 kids and a mortgage. Trips may be a luxury at that point that you may or may not be able to do or afford. Not too mention that when you have a family you're not just concerned with your needs and wants, but those of your family which can add stress to this sometimes already stressful life.

For example, I'd like to go to the mall after work on a whim, but I'm not going to, because I have a family that depends on me to go home and cook dinner, fold the towels, unload the dishwasher...you get the point. If I want to go to the mall it's got to be an appropriate time for not just me, but my family. It's just how it is, in my family.


That is what makes me ambivalent on relationships. Nobody wants to date. Everyone wants to just hookup and be reckless than, tomorrow, its about babies, bills, and marriage. I can't relate to it. I am not a saint. I just see a lot of antics that pushes me further from being in that headspace. Girls that would never give me the time a day back in high school or college want to now but, I am not the same guy they once knew. I don't want to think about babies, bills, mortgages, and debt. Life has not been a cake walk. Since a lot of family died over the years, I have just handled a series of burden, and things I never wanted to take on. I want to have fun. I want to explore. I want freedom but, there is always work or school. Still, unless I create a business or something better, I am sort of stuck with bills and a crappy battle to just get into middle class. The jobs just aren't there. Jobs especially in the auto industry or other manufacturing jobs that paid really well are all gone. So, the alternative is taking on debt with a college loan, taking on debt for a mortgage, and taking on burden for the hope of a better tomorrow. I don't want that. My place is very small but, its mine, I take care of my mom.

The sad thing? I still haven't bought a tombstone for my sister or dad. I can't afford to pay for that and stay a float. It makes me angry. It could be worse I know. Its just so much on my shoulders sometimes. I am sure the stress, anxiety, and burden definitely is stealing away time form my life. Since they died, I have definitely aged quite a bit. I look younger then my age but, it still affected me quite a bit.

So, this is life. Its always been a battle just to get by or juggling death. Then, its health complications even if minor. Never a break. With dating, its always some disaster situation or someone not with the best interest. I even thought a family one day? Why would I want a child to come into the world and have to deal with this sort of bullshit? A bit of a mind fuck pardon my French but, one of the best things I could ever do for a future child, son or daughter is spare them the burden.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Wed Nov 23, 2016 9:14 pm

So, the alternative is taking on debt with a college loan, taking on debt for a mortgage, and taking on burden for the hope of a better tomorrow. I don't want that. My place is very small but, its mine, I take care of my mom.


I went to college when I was 34 yo to become a nurse, the debt stinks, but it's just part of the game. I was able to pay off my student loans rather quickly, so you never know.

It's nice you take care of your mom. Sorry about your dad and sister.

The sad thing? I still haven't bought a tombstone for my sister or dad. I can't afford to pay for that and stay a float. It makes me angry. It could be worse I know


I highly doubt your dad and sister would want you to go into debt marking grave sites for them, when they aren't there anyways... when I die they could throw my ass in a ditch, it would be fine with me.


So, this is life. Its always been a battle just to get by or juggling death
.


Yes, I know, pain is painful! What makes one suffer is resisting and identifying with the pain. Let the pain come, then let it go. Don't let it accumulate...that creates a pain body.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Thu Nov 24, 2016 6:26 pm

dijmart wrote:I went to college when I was 34 yo to become a nurse, the debt stinks, but it's just part of the game. I was able to pay off my student loans rather quickly, so you never know.

It's nice you take care of your mom. Sorry about your dad and sister.


It just hasn't been that smooth nor has the life track been anything but bumpy. I found school to be full of problems, a money grab, and the workplace was full of political nonsense. I like to think there is something alternative but, its wishful thinking. Do you like your career?

I am not sure what my next move is. Ambivalence is a crummy feeling. I dislike uncertainty though, that is basically it. Its life.

Death isn't cheap. Nor a good time. People are in turmoil over it and burdened by it. Life insurance is so important. I will definitely get it before having a family one day (if I ever do).

I am being more and more active. I find its great for anxiety. I feel better too. I like being active. Its refreshing. Too much thinking is no good.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:57 am

It just hasn't been that smooth nor has the life track been anything but bumpy
.

My "story" is pretty damn bumpy too. Hold on tight it IS a bumpy road as a Jiva/person.


I found school to be full of problems, a money grab, and the workplace was full of political nonsense


Yup, it can be.

I like to think there is something alternative but, its wishful thinking.


Probably

Do you like your career?


I do not like regular nursing...I do like my Coordinator position, the work I like, but some of the people I have to work with daily (case managers) have attitudes and are, well, bitchy. However, I get paid well, so I put up with the bitches. My definition of bitch is when someone, for no apparent reason, snaps and/or yells at someone else, while trying to intimidate them.

I've had a whole life, life insurance plan, since I was 20 yrs old, good thing too, since I was dx with MS the next year and can not get life insurance with this diagnosis.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Sat Nov 26, 2016 12:16 am

dijmart wrote:My "story" is pretty damn bumpy too. Hold on tight it IS a bumpy road as a Jiva/person.


Not sure what that last part means but, I imagine nobody has it easy.
Yup, it can be.


A prof went on a tangent about millennials and what isn't fair. Meanwhile, she is making well over 6figures, is teaching, has a business, a high paying management ceo role, limited education at a bachelor level, and bought a house for less than her salary. For millennials, the education system is a money grab, tons of programs, few to no jobs, housing market is a nightmare, no full time work, shitty hours, no benefits, no dental or medical, and on top of shitty student debt. The same job for a millennial would require a masters degree plus 15yrs experience. Essentially, not in 99% of our life times. It sucks.

I do not like regular nursing...I do like my Coordinator position, the work I like, but some of the people I have to work with daily (case managers) have attitudes and are, well, bitchy. However, I get paid well, so I put up with the bitches. My definition of bitch is when someone, for no apparent reason, snaps and/or yells at someone else, while trying to intimidate them.


I wouldn't know but, I once matched with a girl online who is a nurse I think. Not much came of it. Why would someone intimidate you? You mean a co worker or patient?

I've had a whole life, life insurance plan, since I was 20 yrs old, good thing too, since I was dx with MS the next year and can not get life insurance with this diagnosis.


Ya, you must have it before or the cost is too much. My father never had it and when he wanted it, it was much too late. My sister was far too young for it. My mom has it. I need it. I need a lot of things lol

With respect to relationships, I find it challenging but, I am focusing on enjoying my freedom though, the topic is a bit of a pain body or pendulum for me.

I remember in high school, I liked this girl, and she liked my buddy. She then liked me the following summer and still, nothing came about it. Years later, girls like me from way back then but, in school, it just never happened. even when I hear people talk about politics, religion, life perspective or even their decision making, it feels very foreign to me. I feel ostracized. It is hard to relate.

A girl through social media contacted me. We use to hangout when we were younger. It was not to just hangout over coffee. She wanted to hookup. She is married. I just keep seeing these very painful experiences, someone with a husband or long term relationship, and what people think is okay is just beyond me. I don't get it. I feel very removed from it all.

It has me thinking about free will and determinism. I have always been fascinated by the butterfly effect and time. I notice time as a strange hollow term especially under the influence of shrooms where it just seems so blurry. To escape lets say being single or a breakup, maybe going from poverty to middle class, there seems like such a huge hurdle or from middle class to rich or even wealthy.


I am really happy for you. You've come a long way and if not for you sharing your story, I would think you have the perfect life. A life that everyone would want. I am happy you shared it with me. Its a struggle to imagine anything else but struggle since, its always been that but, I pursue something alternative. I know no matter what, there will always be suffering and challenges. I am in this place of ambivalence. I am not sure where to go from here next.
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