Help me please!

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Help me please!

Postby andcrew » Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:07 pm

Hello everyone,

Let me start my story. Four months ago I went through a tough split up with my ex girlfriend, which made me very sad and I decided I will take control of my mind and make it stop thinking about her. I started doing meditations for 30min a day just to quiet my mind and stop thinking about her. Then after 1 month I found the book "The Power of Now" and started reading it. I read it for 2 days and reached half of the book when something very strange happened to me. The book resonated to me on such a deep level( I practised staying in the present and watching my thoughts) that I suddenly felt anxious and scared from reading the book. I went out with friends the same day and I felt like I was going to faint as well as having a strong headache in the back of my head. After this happened everything changed for me. I started seeing everything unreal - like it was blurry or different. Suddenly my thought patterns vanished - no thinking about my ex girlfriend, about chores, about anything at all. I couldn't sleep for days after this experience. Now in the last 3 months I feela bit better but never the same as my old me. My memory is crap, I can't recall things and find it very hard to learn new information even stay in conversation with people. I have a very quiet mind, nearly no thoughts in it about anything. This makes me unsociable as I have nothing in my mind to share with other people. I also have no emotions and feel an apathy about everything I do. Nothing really brings me pleasure anymore. It feels like being disconnected from myself, my thoughts, my memories - anything is blurred. I was used to planning things, think a lot, being anxious about stuff, being very sociable and initiate conversations. Now all of this is gone. I feel empty with no thoughts and no desire to do anything. I thought it is depression or something but doctors said I am all fine. They just put me on Olanzapine(anti-psychotic) medication because they thought it was anxiety. But with anxiety you feel anxious and have racing thoughts( I know from personal experience), but I dont have any or feel anything. But I reckon the worst is memory. I was very good on learning new things and memorising. Now in order to memorise something I have to make an effort, I watch stuff and I know I am focused on them but in 1 day I won't be able to recall them, like the memories are fading very quickly and are not connected with me.

I don't know what is happening to me or how to reverse the process. Have I quieted my mind for good? I want my old self back. Have someone experienced this and can someone help with my situation?

Thanks in advance
andcrew
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:39 pm

Re: Help me please!

Postby dijmart » Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:05 pm

I'm not a mental health expert, but my thought is that you may be having dissociative symptoms or some form of dissociation disorder, possibly caused by the initial desire to "forget" your ex-girlfriend. It's a coping/defense mechanism.

Dissociative issues common symptoms can be memory problems, feeling spacey and a lack of being able to feel emotion. It can initially start because of anxiety and panic, but sort of morphs into a different disorder. That would explain why you did feel anxiety, but don't any longer.

You may want to get with a good therapist to help get you back to normal mental functioning. That would be my advice.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Help me please!

Postby smassieclark » Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:35 pm

Andrew, please hang in there. I am not an expert either, and not a spiritual teacher, but I have had some similar experiences as you. Not quite as dramatic. I believe that being gentle and patient with yourself is what is needed. What is happening will stabilize, even though it feels weird. Keeping you in my heart--stay present as you can, and know that your nervous system can integrate this new experience. Takes some time.
smassieclark
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:24 pm

Re: Help me please!

Postby andcrew » Thu Dec 08, 2016 7:38 pm

Thank you for your answers. Dijmart I don't believe I have a dissociative disorder as I checked the symptoms online and don't believe they match mine. Can I have experienced ego death or permanent mind annihilation? Can someone give me more suggestions on what could have happened to me? Thanks in advance
andcrew
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:39 pm

Re: Help me please!

Postby dijmart » Fri Dec 09, 2016 5:37 am

Can I have experienced ego death or permanent mind annihilation?


Ego is the I-thought, that thinks it an independent volitional entity, but its still a "thought", therefore it can't "die", it can only be seen through. So, ego death is a myth. Ego only causes trouble if you think it's real and your true identity.

You can't annihilate the mind, there would be no recognition of thought, which would make it impossible for you to write your post.

Again, I think you should see a therapist. Perhaps diagnosing yourself, is not the best option at this point? Just a thought...
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Help me please!

Postby Onceler » Fri Dec 09, 2016 1:05 pm

Did you consider that th antipsychotics may contribute to your symptoms of apathy and no thought? Those are powerful drugs.
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2200
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Help me please!

Postby andcrew » Fri Dec 09, 2016 3:38 pm

dijmart wrote:Again, I think you should see a therapist. Perhaps diagnosing yourself, is not the best option at this point? Just a thought...


I have been to many pdocs and they can't seem to figure out what is happening to me.

Onceler wrote:Did you consider that th antipsychotics may contribute to your symptoms of apathy and no thought? Those are powerful drugs.


I dont think its the drugs, because these symptoms came before I was put on antipsychotics. I am off them for more than 2 weeks and don't feel any difference at all, that is why I don't believe its the drugs.

I believe that my condition was started by strong realisations while reading The Power of Now. Is this possible for the book to have affected me on such a deep level that it disconnected me from my memories, thoughts, feelings etc. If yes do you know anyone else that has experienced something similar to mine. Thanks
andcrew
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:39 pm

Re: Help me please!

Postby dijmart » Sat Dec 10, 2016 3:35 am

andcrew wrote:
dijmart wrote:Again, I think you should see a therapist. Perhaps diagnosing yourself, is not the best option at this point? Just a thought...


I have been to many pdocs and they can't seem to figure out what is happening to me.


Hmm, well, there was a person here with the username Midnight who said this type of thing happened to him. You may want to look him up and PM him?
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Help me please!

Postby andcrew » Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:53 pm

I definitely will. Thank you for the information and the suggestion!
andcrew
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:39 pm


Return to Personal Experiences

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests