afraid of being lonely without love

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Sat Nov 26, 2016 2:12 am

Not sure what that last part means but, I imagine nobody has it easy.


That's what it means, no one who identifies them self as a "person" has it easy. No one. If you are just associated with the person then you can have some space between what happens to the person and you, awareness. No need to suffer with just an association.

As far as millennials, I don't know what to say, my view is things have always been difficult to get a good job. In my life I have a cosmetology license, EMT certification, RN license...no one did this for me. I had to apply myself and go after what I wanted. I also had to convince employers that while I had no experience I was a hard worker and a fast learner. I got myself those jobs, no one did it for me and I didn't sit home complaining about the system...I learned how to "work" the system to get what I wanted.

Why would someone intimidate you? You mean a co worker or patient?


They are co-workers, we work for the same hospital system, but different departments. It's complicated, but they want to give me referrals, but frequently we get full and I can't take the referrals and they get mad and sometimes lose their cool and try to intimidate me into taking the referral anyways. That's one example...



With respect to relationships, I find it challenging but, I am focusing on enjoying my freedom though, the topic is a bit of a pain body or pendulum for me.


In Vedanta, it would be a Vasana! You have a binding vasana for a relationship.

You've come a long way and if not for you sharing your story, I would think you have the perfect life. A life that everyone would want.


Oh, dear, no, my "story" has a lot of suffering, even as a small child. So, no, I doubt anyone would "want" my "story". But, I wouldn't take any of it back, because that lead me to awaken and realize I AM the Self.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Mon Nov 28, 2016 8:51 pm

dijmart wrote:
Oh, dear, no, my "story" has a lot of suffering, even as a small child. So, no, I doubt anyone would "want" my "story". But, I wouldn't take any of it back, because that lead me to awaken and realize I AM the Self.


Have you ever shared your story with your hubby? I don't think I will ever share if I have a family. I prefer to be an enigma or a mystery.

As for co workers, its a job, you get paid, and you go home. If you have any friends, its a added bonus, and can make work less work lol I just think that people have a certain amount of self interest and if things go bad, people want revenge. I don't ever share my story. I keep it private like I prefer.

As for love, I don't know where Cristina went? I didn't mean to hijack her thread.

I am planning to go out with some girls. Life is just strange. I think about what you said of freedom. I think that's why people like the idea of serial monogamy. Its something. It just is not likely the most healthy of behavior. I can see the upside of wanting something or to be with someone and still wanting freedom. Someone just get hurt then.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby dijmart » Mon Nov 28, 2016 10:09 pm

Have you ever shared your story with your hubby? I don't think I will ever share if I have a family. I prefer to be an enigma or a mystery.


Yes, he knows my "story", we've been together since I was 17 and I'm 46 now. So, he knows what happened in my childhood, then the rest happened while we were together.

Good luck with trying to be a mystery, most women won't let you off the hook that easy..lol.


As for co workers, its a job, you get paid, and you go home. If you have any friends, its a added bonus


This is true!

I don't ever share my story. I keep it private like I prefer.


Only very close family and a few friends know my whole "story". Ive shared here, on this forum, but it's different obviously. I've been a member since 2010, so stuff has come out over the years. Those posts aren't going anywhere, so no sense in denying it now...lol.

As for love, I don't know where Cristina went? I didn't mean to hijack her thread.


It happens, also she can jump in at any time, if she wants.

I think about what you said of freedom. I think that's why people like the idea of serial monogamy. Its something. It just is not likely the most healthy of behavior. I can see the upside of wanting something or to be with someone and still wanting freedom. Someone just get hurt then.


Serial monogamy, is just dating one person and seeing where it goes, if it doesn't go anywhere, you date someone else, right? ..sounds about right to me.

My point about enjoying your freedom, had nothing to do with if you date or not, it was to realize the upside of being single and not obsessing over finding that perfect relationship this minute, whereby you miss the positives you do have now.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Fri Dec 02, 2016 12:00 am

dijmart wrote:Yes, he knows my "story", we've been together since I was 17 and I'm 46 now. So, he knows what happened in my childhood, then the rest happened while we were together.

Good luck with trying to be a mystery, most women won't let you off the hook that easy..lol.


Yeah. I noticed lol She wanted to talk about past partners and I just refrained from entering that. She will ask the question, then I will ask, and my ego will not be pleased so, why bother is my thinking?

It happens, also she can jump in at any time, if she wants.


Hopefully, she does with some good news lol

Serial monogamy, is just dating one person and seeing where it goes, if it doesn't go anywhere, you date someone else, right? ..sounds about right to me.


Nah. Its quite unhealthy. Its everyone just sort of dating casually, basically hooking up, Netflix and chill, and it gets messy. Basically, online dating, tinder, match, etc. similarly to your sister's situation before dating multiple people. It gets messy cause of ego, people want more, have expectations, and mostly they cannot be maintained for a long enough time.

I saw some stats that showed it is even more unhealthy cause of the fallout and amount of people hurt. I also hate the drive for girls being engineered into thinking they have to be sexual or have to hookup cause its so common now a days. I hate that its made the cool thing. In most cases I found, the girl wants more, and gets hurt listening to what society suggests. Its ugly. I try to be aware cause hurting people is not what I want.

My point about enjoying your freedom, had nothing to do with if you date or not, it was to realize the upside of being single and not obsessing over finding that perfect relationship this minute, whereby you miss the positives you do have now.


Yeah. Thanks. I felt good thinking of freedom lately that I have right now. I am suppose to go on a few dates soon. One girl I have been "talking" to thought I was not interested in her anymore just cause the routine broke, we didn't talk one night or something. I had no clue girls think like that. She seems sweet. I am looking forward to seeing her again. I am just trying not to let my ego expect or have an end point but, just enjoy the journey no matter where it leads.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby sarah009 » Fri Apr 28, 2017 10:53 pm

Relationship advice - how to communicate when we feel upset

This situation demonstrates the most common challenge we all must meet. We have very little idea how to communicate truthfully and appropriately with one another in the face of strong emotion or upset feelings. Most of us were not taught how to handle our feelings and take responsibility for them. Instead we learned to believe that someone or something other than ourselves was the cause of our upset and that "maturing" involved perfecting our attack and defense strategies. We learned to try to avoid or reduce upset by attempting to control, manipulate, shut down, blame, or fight.


In this particular case, all the anxiety of "will there be enough?" and "am I really deserving?" was brought into awareness by the building of the home. Instead of owning their fear and insecurity, Wayne and Diane attempted to distract themselves from their own inner disturbance and focus on the other's shortcomings. They argued about "facts" when the issue was really about "feelings." They each felt they were not being heard and so they raised their voices and argued endlessly--as if talking louder or longer would result in comprehension and bring the reassurance they were looking for. Happily, Wayne and Diane recognized their failed attempts, truly asked for a better way to live together, and reached out for help. By learning new communication skills and really wanting to value one another, they have made great strides in learning to respect and honor each other, to resolve difficulties when they surface, and to enjoy their beautiful home.


1. Ask your partner to listen. Most people find that a large part of their upset dissipates with the simple act of being acknowledged and given undivided attention. Indicate that you are not looking for advice, solutions, or correction--only to be honored enough to be listened to. Make it clear you wish to speak of how you feel, not what happened. Facts can be disputed, but feelings can not. This allows the mind to become quiet enough to access the wisdom and answers already present. Ask yourself: Do you respect yourself enough to ask for this?


2. Tell the truth about how you feel. Using only "I" statements, indicate how upset you are--angry, sad, humiliated--but do not blame or accuse. Your feelings are your responsibility, no matter how off-track your partner may be. When you stick to stating how you feel, rather than what he or she may have done, you are not attacking that person. This allows the partner to remain open to hearing and empathizing with your pain rather than moving into his/her attack-defense mode. By being courageous enough to reveal how you feel you are actually giving your partner a vote of confidence and they can rise to that expectation.


3. Remember you always have a choice. Even if you forget to employ these principles and resort to the old, unhelpful approaches when you become distressed, you can always change your mind--even mid-sentence--as you realize you do not like this exchange. Being right is not worth it. Ask for a better way to see the situation and your partner; ask to see what is right about both of you. Your relationship is a continual learning process. You get to learn what you are bringing to it and, thus, what you are getting out of it. The window of opportunity is always open.



Blessings,

Carol

To download a free copy of Carol's latest book "The Best Guide Ever to A Course In Miracles" visit https://www.carolhowe.com/p/ebook

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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Tue May 02, 2017 6:11 am

sarah009 wrote:The window of opportunity is always open.



I like this post. It is weird because in a mindset of scarcity, there is no seeing anything but, the feeling of loss, alienation, solipsism, absence. I try my best not to dwell.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby painBody » Wed May 10, 2017 1:22 am

meetjoeblack wrote:I like this post. It is weird because in a mindset of scarcity, there is no seeing anything but, the feeling of loss, alienation, solipsism, absence. I try my best not to dwell.


Thank you for teaching me a cool new word !

solipsism
[sol-ip-siz-uh m]

noun
1.
Philosophy. the theory that only the self exists, or can be proved to exist.
2.
extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of one's feelings, desires, etc.; egoistic self-absorption.
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Re: afraid of being lonely without love

Postby meetjoeblack » Wed May 10, 2017 6:16 am

painBody wrote:
meetjoeblack wrote:I like this post. It is weird because in a mindset of scarcity, there is no seeing anything but, the feeling of loss, alienation, solipsism, absence. I try my best not to dwell.


Thank you for teaching me a cool new word !

solipsism
[sol-ip-siz-uh m]

noun
1.
Philosophy. the theory that only the self exists, or can be proved to exist.
2.
extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of one's feelings, desires, etc.; egoistic self-absorption.


Came across it during a trip out and man, my ego was holding on for dear life. lol
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