Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

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Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby steve Davidson » Tue May 30, 2017 7:50 am

I would like to vent a little and at the same time, ask for some advice and help and if you have gone through anything similar on other forums.

Over the years I have had some bad experiences on spiritual forums, the funny thing is, or ironic, is that we are supposed to be a bunch of spiritual people getting together to converse things.

However, many times, at least from what I have witnessed and experienced firsthand myself, peoples egos are the biggest and strongest on spiritual forums. And sometimes, these forums attracts

those who might even be termed "evil" or "cruel" getting pleasure in manipulation and hurting people. I have been treated quite poorly and continue to be on some forums. I am really getting

frustrated and wondering if there is even a reason to be on these sites. So far this site has been good and I give the moderators kudos for their good work, but the other sites are not at this high

standard. It seems to be a epidemic on the internet. I was reading a Buddhist forum recently and even on there, there was arguments, attacks, trolling, etc. Even if the Buddha himself were on

the site, I feel he would be attacked too, how ironic is that? So back to my question, how should I respond to others when I feel I am being attacked or put down or abused on a spiritual forum and

there really is no moderation like there is on this site. Does love work, always responding with love and compassion? I have tried that approach and so far does not work. I also have tried everything

I can think of in the book, from acting like them to trying to be a mirror to them and nothing has worked. Frustrated with these spiritual forums. Thanks for listening to this rant and open to any

suggestions and those who experienced similar things.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby Webwanderer » Tue May 30, 2017 3:40 pm

steve Davidson wrote:So back to my question, how should I respond to others when I feel I am being attacked or put down or abused on a spiritual forum and

there really is no moderation like there is on this site. Does love work, always responding with love and compassion? I have tried that approach and so far does not work.

Here's my take. It's best to be secure in your own approach to exploration and growth. Learn from your dialogs the nature and character of those you are interacting with. Some relish in trolling honest contributors. Consider moving on from those. To the degree you are secure in your own interests, your own genuineness of your search for clarity, attacks from others will be of little consequence. Lots of ego out there.

Love does work well when it's unconditional, especially when applied to one's self. Always seek clarity over vindication. When attacked, consider asking questions of your attacker that seeks to clarify the purpose of the attack. Taking offense is an indication that you have an emotional investment in some belief. Consider what it might be. Strongly held beliefs need constant reconsideration as they are as likely as not to hold us back.

Remember you can't change another's perspective if they are emotionally attached to it - and that is often the case.

WW
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby Rob X » Tue May 30, 2017 4:15 pm

Steve, I would say, avoid non-moderated forums.

This forum is well moderated and it gives us all a chance to share our often divergent perspectives in a calm space. Non-moderated forums tend to be dominated by cliques and you can find yourself spending much of your time arguing about arguing.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby steve Davidson » Tue May 30, 2017 5:06 pm

Thanks Web and Rob, great suggestions. I am starting to see that it actually is a great opportunity to see where I am at and how much I still react and how much ego is still involved. But there does come a point that abuse is abuse and it might be best to leave that site.

I always wondered how someone like Tolle would handle it if he were on these sites? If he would ever catch himself reacting or responding from ego? If he would put up with what goes on on these sites? I have read all of his books but dont know much about his personal life or how he lives daily and if he ever finds himself irritated with other drivers lets say or the world at large?
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby randomguy » Tue May 30, 2017 9:58 pm

Steve, I would say, avoid non-moderated forums.

+1
It only takes a few unchecked negative voices to repel a bunch of well intended participants.

I always wondered how someone like Tolle would handle it if he were on these sites?

The satsang and retreat formats work well for maintaining respectful civil order. We can imagine if he held a spontaneous public park event there might be a heckler or two who could drown out the civil exchanges.

I don't know about how he would be on these sites but he seems to be very respectful in his responses, thanking the questioner multiple time sincerely. I have not heard him talk to a hot-headed individual. Though something tells me he would not try to change their mind or behavior (like WW points out). He doesn't seem to want to change anyone's mind anyway, just offer a way to see one's own life differently.

Similarly, I caught a TED talk by one of Deepak Chopra's daughters where she describes meeting Tolle. It sheds some light on how he structures his day to minimize unconscious exchanges. She was told she has 10 min only with ET. She had a lot of questions to help her build a web site and stuff and felt flustered at the time limit. On top of that all Tolle wanted to do was to listen to some distant bells. So she dropped her agenda and listed to the bells with him and sat in silence for those 10 minutes. At the end of the 10 minutes an assistant walked in to signal it's time to go. Tolle waved that it was Ok and he spent an hour with her answering her questions.

So cheers to WW for helping maintain a pleasant forum!
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby Webwanderer » Tue May 30, 2017 10:57 pm

randomguy wrote:So cheers to WW for helping maintain a pleasant forum!

Thanks randomguy. We strive to maintain a healthy atmosphere.

WW
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby Onceler » Wed May 31, 2017 2:26 am

Yes, thank you moderators. I guess I didn't know it was that bad out there. I agree with the idea to abandon.....unless you're up for a challenge. I think trolls are just haters, so there's really no way to respond to them that will get through, so why aggravate yourself?

What are you getting out of the sites that might offset the negativity?
Be present, be pleasant.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby dijmart » Wed May 31, 2017 3:19 am

it actually is a great opportunity to see where I am at and how much I still react and how much ego is still involved.


Yes, yes it is. I definately have had my "not so proud" moments over the years, however I wouldn't take them back, because you do see where you're really at.

There was one fella on here a few years ago that ruffled my feathers so much I didn't post for two months, as he seemed to target my posts and at one point out of complete frustration, I called him a douche bag..lol. He was banned from the forum eventually.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby steve Davidson » Wed May 31, 2017 6:45 am

Thank you for the further responses, I am finding this very helpful talking about it and looking at it.

What I am getting out of the sites that might offset the negativity, is some positive things. I find many things useful on these sites that counter all the negativity. Whether it is helpful links to check out

or youtubes to watch or announcements about something I would not normally find or see on my own, there are countless little things like this that keep me interested in the site.

As Dijmart has experienced something similar, sometimes there are a few out there that try to ruin it for everyone. Hopefully they get banned eventually, but if not they are indeed tough to deal with

and at times seem to target one or go after a certain individual, like myself or Dijmart or others.

The thing that was the toughest for me, was the sadness and hurt I felt, experienced, real sadness over these internet people I have known for awhile and shared with and trusted, that turned out to be

wolves in sheeps clothing, really truly nasty people who wanted to hurt me or get even with me. It is hard to explain but I trust all people and am very idealistic and try to see the good in everybody,

and when others turn on me and try to hurt me, it is extra painful and sad. So it is not so much that I react, although at times I do react to their provocations, and my feathers can be ruffled too like

Dijmart shared, but mostly it is a felt sadness about the human condition and that people can sink this low and act like this. It truly breaks my heart.

Now as far as Tolle is concerned, from the little I know and heard via stories like the one shared on here, he seems to try to avoid unnecessary confrontation and negativity and that is one approach.

That is a option for me too, but so far I am still deeply involved in the world in many ways, but I can potentially see the wisdom to pretty much put yourself out of harms way and live peacefully.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby runstrails » Wed May 31, 2017 7:20 pm

Hi Steve,
I'm enjoying your kind and compassionate posts on the forum. Like everyone else, I would suggest staying away from forums (fora??) that are toxic.

Ultimately, the spiritual seeker is best served by looking inward and being involved in too much forum drama can be time consuming and may take away from the inner journey.

Our forum is special in that we not only have long-term members who are knowledgeable, insightful and compassionate, but that our forums covers a vast array to topics (from Buddhism, Vedanta, Neo-Advaita, Near Death Experiences, Channeling, Mysticism etc...). I've not found that elsewhere on the internet.

Hope you stick around.

rt
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby steve Davidson » Wed May 31, 2017 7:39 pm

Thank you RT for those kind words, that meant a lot to me, I truly appreciate it and appreciate this forum. I wish I would have joined here sooner, it is everything I was looking for, kind and mature spiritual seekers like myself in a safe, positive, healthy environment. In fact, the people are so nice that I am not used to it. I am waiting for conflict or attacks, subconsciously, for that is what I am used to. As you pointed out, this forum offers a wide range of topics that interest me. Thanks again everyone for making this a special place to inquire and ask questions and explore with others.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby steve Davidson » Wed May 31, 2017 7:48 pm

I forgot to mention that one of the things that impresses me the most about this forum and its moderation, is that you are willing to even discuss any problem you have with Tolle or his teachings, any negatives you find. That speaks so highly of the moderation team here and their willingness to explore all aspects, positive and negative of the teachings and of Tolle and all other teachers/teachings. I have had a problem on several forums/sites where any questioning of the teacher or teachings is not allowed and is intentionally blocked. I personally find that approach limited and sad and not in line with true inquiry and investigation. All should be allowed to be explored and looked at and learned from. So thank you again for allowing all aspects to be explored here.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby dijmart » Wed May 31, 2017 10:30 pm

I will give a piece of advice I've witnessed in myself. If you find yourself thinking "too much" about what's going on, on the forum or waiting for a negative response from an interaction you're having on a forum, then you're either posting too much or getting wrapped up in drama. Taking a break for awhile and regrouping regarding your priorities may be in order.

What you want or should I say, what I want out of posting is either for it to help my own inquiry or someone else's. Anything more then that and I'm going into a drama trap.

..and yes, this forum is great. People from all walks of life with different opinions, beliefs and attitudes, but some how it works.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby steve Davidson » Wed May 31, 2017 11:31 pm

Thanks Dij for your piece of advice, it is very helpful. Just like one of your threads, where you found help by just sharing, I am feeling much better too since talking and sharing about this. Thank you and thank you all for your kind sharings and help to get me to see this situation better.
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Re: Frustrated with people on other spiritual forums

Postby dijmart » Thu Jun 01, 2017 12:39 am

Anytime Steve, yes talking and getting it off your chest can be a good thing! :)
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