3 years old different reactions toward Mom and dad

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Re: 3 years old different reactions toward Mom and dad

Postby steve Davidson » Fri Jun 09, 2017 3:08 am

Hi again Thierry,

I want to say i think you are very sincere and loving, a good Father and good husband it sounds like. You seem like you are trying hard to make this work and are coming from your heart, from love. Your wife is lucky to have such a one as you who comes from love. As long as you come from love, you are the right track. Yes, you still can make mistakes, and maybe not set enough boundaries or what not, but in the end, as long as you are coming from love and an open compassionate heart, i think/feel life will support you and you have a good chance of making this work out.

There is no harm in reading different authors or approaches. I think Don Miguel Ruiz is a great author and that book recommended to you, is great too. It will help you as well as Power of Now by Tolle will too and Louise Hays book too. They are all helpful and all coming from a place of wisdom and insight and love. So yes, read them, be reminded of what they have found and apply in your life and in your current situation what you find and think will help you through this.

But in the end, remember, you know what to do, deep down, you have all the answers, you are just as perceptive and clear seeing as them, and when you are still and listen, you will know what to do in this situation, how to respond. None of us on here can tell you what to do, how to behave around your wife, where to set boundaries, etc. Follow your inner wisdom and knowing and all will be well, however it turns out.
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Re: 3 years old different reactions toward Mom and dad

Postby Thierry52 » Sun Jun 18, 2017 4:04 am

Hi DJ,
Why? Meaning, what's the logic behind her saying that they will change or leave your life? I could see if she means one is "projecting" their own "stuff" on to others, but other then that??

Eckhart Tolle writes almost the same thing. From" Practicing the power of now", "
First you stop judging yourself; then you stop judging your partner." ... "You will then either separate- in love- or move even more deeply into the Now together, into being.
. I don't really understand it neither.
Furthermore, I really liked what you mentioned in a post about a different topic, what you resist persists. It's important like Eckhart Tolle says to see the pain body experiences as positive. These last few days, the wife repeated her nasty behavior daily... like 3 days in a row because I think I focused so much on how I hate when she acts like that. It's just hard to see unconscious moments as positive.
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Re: 3 years old different reactions toward Mom and dad

Postby dijmart » Sun Jun 18, 2017 5:22 am

So, I found the ET partial quote, but added more of the "context" to it that he wrote-

First you stop judging yourself; then you stop judging your partner. The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way.

That immediately takes you beyond ego. All mind games and all addictive clinging are then over. There are no victims and no perpetrators anymore, no accuser and accused.

This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else’s unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue. You will then either separate — in love — or move ever more deeply into the Now together, into Being. Can it be that simple? Yes, it is that simple.


In context this makes more sense. Basically, when you are no longer "reacting" against or expecting another to change, but accepting them as they are, then you're seeing clearly. You either see that what they have to offer in the relationship is not what you want or need, therefore seperate or by not reacting and being unconscious yourself that stops the push/pull in the relationship, smoothing out the edges and allows it to continue in a healthy way. That's my translation for what it's worth.

the wife repeated her nasty behavior daily... like 3 days in a row because I think I focused so much on how I hate when she acts like that. It's just hard to see unconscious moments as positive.


So, this reminded me of something from today. Me, my son and husband were talking. A subject got brought up. I stated my opinion, my husband immediately raised his voice, got shitty and adamantly disagreed with me. Without skipping a beat, in a cool, calm manner I said, "why are you raising your voice?" He grumbled some reason and walked away. Now I guarantee if I would've focused on the topic, ect. he would've become unglued. So, pick your battles. For me, it wasn't the content, it was the presentation. So, staying calm yourself, regardless of what needs to happen (you leave the room or the house, ect) is key when dealing with unconscious behavior in others. "Forgive them lord, they know not what they do"

It's just hard to see unconscious moments as positive.


It depends if it's your or hers? I was referring to my own, that moment where you shift your identity back to where it belonged in the first place..your true nature and you know the motivation for the shift was either being in suffering or being on the cusp of it, yet again, because of some life event you re-identified with the little "me", instead of just being "associated" with it.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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