Thank you, meetjoeblack. I've checked out Jordan Peterson. Once upon a time I've had that experience. I've found the "ultimate happiness" in a loving relationship. It was my deepest desire, my highest goal. And I have achieved it. But very soon it...jsut crashed...momentarily. I was confused and derealised. I have never returned to the place I was before. If I were to divide my life into 'before" and "after", I guess that would be it.
Sorry. I never saw this before.
I am sorry you felt and experience something but, I am happy you felt that special something. I cannot say I have ever felt that or maybe I have and I forgot. I have prioritized that way of being for a significant portion of my life but, it always coming with this peeling away of layers of ego like an onion only more challenging. I found myself in my teens attached to a girl but, it wasn't so much her as it was this delusion I created. It wasn't real and when I awoke from this sort of dream, it brought a very painful experience for me. It was ego disassociation and removal of a delusion I made in my head. What i thought and what is did not align. It usually doesn't lol
A recommendation; Read David Deida Way of the Superior Man. David is a spiritual teacher and sort of sheds light on the LTR/male female connection. Its very new age but, he has a really powerful sense of awareness and perspective. I found some really great insight and one of the things he reminded me was that, a woman is not my purpose in life. That I have different gifts, talents, skills, and offerings to share with the world. I can say I love a woman/girl but, if I excuse my lack of giving of these gifts with a wife or children, I cheat from the both by not living at my edge. I learned my neediness as a teen and over attachment essentially chased the girl away.
I don't know what my purpose is so, my purpose right now is to find my purpose. Giving is part of all our purposes. The question is what though? In the meantime while I figure this out, I intend to be present, practice awareness, and be mindful. Please don't cut yourself off from such a great opportunity in the future or present. I think each experience will bring you closer. It was after that breakup that I closed myself off and then, I met a really awesome girl on a road trip with friends. Of course, it was short lived but, it reminded me that someone awesome exists and I haven't yet met her. more importantly, it came about through my being present, having a purpose whatever it maybe in a given time frame, and then, lightning striking. I was compelled to see this through and "it just happened" was my rational.
For a long time, I kept chasing that "feel" with someone but, I lack presence and I realized that each experience is different and by trying to make something "that" which it isn't ruins the essence of whatever I could be experiencing in that moment. I am reminded again and again, "there are no ordinary moments in life."