In desperate need of help

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In desperate need of help

Postby afrodite95 » Sat Jul 29, 2017 8:27 pm

Hello my name is Sade I have registered today.

I suffered emotional abuse and neglect growing up and have always struggled with rejection.

Since 2016 my mind has completely turned on me. I have always been harsh on myself but I got obsessive compulsive thoughts, intrusive thoughts non stop that were so bad I like clamped into my brain trying to control my mind which has made it worse.

My psyche is such a mess. My awareness is locked on my thought space. My mind hates me judges and compares me to other beings. It looks how for imagined discrimination rejection or judgement. I have no control over any of this.

My mind hates me. Yes I've always had a dense pain body but now its out of control. I cannot rest in my body in my being. I used to argue with my mind a lot but now I realise it's just a computer

I did awareNess but it did not stop the thoughts but now I realise this negative ego identity is not me but sadly I've invested so much of my life in it that I don't know what is me.

I've really messed up my brain trying to fix this problem. I don't know if I'm beyond help.

Sade
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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby steve Davidson » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:01 am

Hi Sade, welcome to the forum and sorry you feel you are in desperate need of help. I hope others more versed in Tolles teachings respond to you and help you in any way they can. With my limited understanding, i would like to share a few things from what you wrote.

A lot of people, unfortunately, have suffered by others growing up. We live in a world that is not always based on a loving caring atmosphere unfortunately. You cannot change the past and what happened to you, the abuse and neglect, but you can now love yourself and let go of the hurt. It is not easy, but it can be done.

Sorry your mind has turned on you, but your mind is a instrument and it can be turned around, used for your good, just like a computer, it has its place and usefulness. You seem somewhat aware, awareness of what is going on with you and your mind, so that is good, is a good start. Just keep bringing more awareness to the mind, thoughts, comparisons, etc

It is very good that you are also seeing that the negative ego identity is ultimately not you. Keep this up and find out who you truly are, if you are not your mind nor ego, find out who is aware of them.

You are not beyond help, in fact, you sound like you are close to a breakthrough in understanding and realization in my opinion.
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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby afrodite95 » Sun Jul 30, 2017 5:10 am

Thank you for the response.

I have brain fog so I live in a daze inside my head. I spend my days in thoughts rather than reality. My little me is so very fearfull that I struggle with normal interactions and an inferiota complx
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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby steve Davidson » Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:46 am

Isnt that what Tolle said too in his books, that most of us live in our heads and in our thoughts, rather than reality. You are not alone Sade.

Yes you are fearful and struggle with normal interactions and have a inferiority complex. Okay, but is that all of who you are, and does that stop you from experiencing something deeper. The little me is based on fear and desire and self interest, that is its nature. But is that all who you are, according to Tolle, as far as i understand, it is not.

Hopefully someone more knowledgeable about Tolles teachings can share something with Sade about what she is experiencing.
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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby Webwanderer » Sun Jul 30, 2017 6:24 pm

afrodite95 wrote:Since 2016 my mind has completely turned on me. I have always been harsh on myself but I got obsessive compulsive thoughts, intrusive thoughts non stop that were so bad I like clamped into my brain trying to control my mind which has made it worse.

My mind hates me. Yes I've always had a dense pain body but now its out of control. I cannot rest in my body in my being. I used to argue with my mind a lot but now I realise it's just a computer


I have brain fog so I live in a daze inside my head. I spend my days in thoughts rather than reality. My little me is so very fearfull that I struggle with normal interactions and an inferiota complx


It seems to me that you are quite a powerful creator. So strong are your abilities that you can believe in and experience a separate thing (a mind), that can actually have it's own agenda and acts to do you harm. That's impressive. But make no mistake, you did this.

That's good news, however. If you can create such an experience, you can also create something different. It's really about making conscious choices, a little technique based on understanding, and the focus of your attention. Although it may have been somewhat unconscious, that's how you got here in the first place, in this current experience you are having.

To gain a little clarity, understand that there is no separate mind. There is only a highly energized perspective that is fed by an ongoing belief that a separate mind-thing exists. It is only such a belief that holds the experience as an element of your reality. Change your belief, and your 'reality' will change with it. But how to do this...

First you must see it for what it is. It is not a separate mind-thing, it is a belief in a separate mind-thing. This hateful mind-thing is your baby, your creation. It's fed by almost entirely by your beliefs. Believe this is truly a creation of your own making and you're on your way to creating a new experience - a new reality.

Understand that these self-attacking thoughts have a lot of momentum and they are likely to continue showing up for a while. Remember this and be okay that they arise. Being okay with what they are starves them of the emotional energy that attracts more of the same. Resistance to them is just more attention that focuses more enlivening energy and keeps them primary in your experience - your self-created reality.

Then, whenever possible, focus your attention and imagination on what life would be like free of such annoyances. What would you like to be primary in your mind - in your life? What would be fun and enjoyable and inspiring? GIVE YOURSELF A STEADY DIET or the thoughts you would like your life to reflect and experience. DO NOT be concerned if such imaginings are physically present. This is about mind content and what arises spontaneously from your created belief structures. As energy is focused into the content of your preferred new thoughts, new habits and core beliefs (those you don't have to think about) will replace those that are being starved of attention.

Be patient and steadfast in your reconstruction. There is no time table or litmus test to meet. Acknowledge your successes. Laugh off your setbacks. You are a creator, the primary creator, of your experience in this human adventure. Take the command seat that is your birthright and choose the direction and content into which your life energy will flow.

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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby afrodite95 » Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:24 pm

You are right I did create it i created a Hellish reality and it's sending me insane I've tried to commit suicide I just want to die
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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Jul 31, 2017 7:08 pm

afrodite95 wrote:You are right I did create it i created a Hellish reality and it's sending me insane I've tried to commit suicide I just want to die

My sense is that what you really want is to be free. Accepting the origin of your experience is the first and most critical step. It seems you've done that so you're on your way. Now begin taking the next steps. Get a little angry. Being angry about your state is not great but it's better than feeling helpless and depressed. And, unlike depression, anger is empowering.

Use that sense of empowerment to demand change of yourself. Say 'this is bullshit' and cast it out of your thought. Turn your back on it in favor of acknowledgement of a preferred way of thinking. Use your own inherent power. Make it your new way of responding to whatever thoughts arise that trouble you. Find some humor in the process. Laughter at ones own foibles is highly therapeutic. Even pretend humor is helpful - it will grow into the real thing.

Always be ready to move thought in a new direction without condemnation for the spontaneously arising thought. The old stuff is from mental conditioning. The new is an available choice.

This is for you to do, and you have the power to do it. A wonderful feeling of accomplishment awaits all along your path. And know there are always ebbs and flows. Expect it and get back on path as soon as you can. You're not alone. Many of us have had to deal with self attacking thoughts. Life can be moved in a new direction.

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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby afrodite95 » Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:32 pm

Thank you so much for your helpful response!

I feel like I have a spirituality pyshcosis. Like my mind tells me that the reason im lonely and isolated is because I attracted this reality

To summarise, do I allow thoughts and all the hatred to flow and it will eventually stop
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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby Webwanderer » Wed Aug 02, 2017 4:10 pm

afrodite95 wrote:I feel like I have a spirituality pyshcosis. Like my mind tells me that the reason im lonely and isolated is because I attracted this reality

That's likely the case. The way we think and view ourselves goes a long way in determining how we interact with people and develop relationships. Others feel the energy we emit which becomes a factor in how they relate to us. People who have a strong inner focus that has a bases in negativity tend to push others away who would rather not join with that negative feeling. Thus a very good reason to focus on more enjoyable thoughts and feelings. Much more attractive to those whose company we might like.


To summarise, do I allow thoughts and all the hatred to flow and it will eventually stop

Generally speaking yes. Established thought patterns arise of their own accord. What matters is how you perceive these arising thoughts, how you characterize them, and the discipline you employ to replace them.

How to perceive: See negative thoughts that arise as just old stuff that you created when you didn't fully realize how they would become beliefs and effect your future experience. Not good or bad, just the natural result of the type of thinking and emotional focus you applied at the time.

How you characterize them: They're only as valid as you believe them to be. Discount them as the definition of who you are. They're only habits of thought that can be changed. Genuinely see them this way.

The discipline you employ to replace them: Don't make a big deal out of them. Emotional energy is their life blood. Begin to starve them of it. Know that a new belief structure can be built and consciously choose to change the way you think about your life and all the events in it. Always look for the bright side of things and your life will brighten accordingly. Choose to always be patient. There is no time frame here. It's a new way of living. Treat it as such.

Oh, and laugh a lot at the old crap. Even if at first it's just pretending. It will prime the pump for the genuine understanding to come.

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Re: In desperate need of help

Postby afrodite95 » Mon Aug 07, 2017 3:34 pm

Thank you so much!
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