I have a chronic illness, that causes brain-fog and memory loss. The brain-fog is like a terrible tired, dreary, heavy blanket stuffed in my skull, making everything a complete haze. Its like waking up from surgery but the anaesthesia drugs are not gone from the body yet. It feels like a wall my mind cannot get through and its so terribly hard to focus, remember, function etc.
Now, I have been 'suffering' from this for more than 16 years (34 years old now). And something struck me today. A tiny moment made me aware of something after listening to many talks by Eckhart.
I was doing chores in the house, and my brain felt so tired and heavy, misty and horrible, with poor vision and dizziness. I thought to myself 'I feel like crap, I feel horrible'.
I felt so unhappy, because I wanted to be active, clear and awake.
Then suddenly I felt laughter coming up...
Because my brain still felt like heavy mist and horrid crappiness, but something deeper inside of me was unaffected by it and I noticed that. It felt like moving out of my body and mind and hovering in a pleasant space, seeing from outside.
I felt awareness of 'how my mind did not cooperate with itself' and believed that it 'needed itself to function, but it did not function so it did not have itself'... very unpractical.. lol

I noticed that it did not necessarily have to function perfectly because the awareness/consciousness is enough on its own. The laughter came from an inkling of how ironic it is, funny actually.
When I feel that awareness, something in me goes like 'lol! it doesn't matter!'.
It doesn't matter, because consciousness is totally and utterly unaffected by it. The true me is, always, clear.
I actually could consider the brain-fog mind a blessing because it doesn't function and that forces me,.. absolutely 'forces' me, to learn to be with consciousness instead. Brain-fog should really be called 'mind-fog', because that is what it is. The mind feels foggy. If the tools I have (mind/body) do not work very well, then I cannot do anything else than be conscious right? There is no other way (no other sensible way).
My body still feels horrible and tired, fuzzy and blurry, exhausted and dizzy etc. My mind still feels like it cannot get through that wall and be clear. But for a small moment I really felt very clearly that.. although I would prefer a healthy body and functioning mind.. it's not needed persé.. its only needed if I belief that I am the mind, and need the mind to function, to function.
Its hard to put it to words, I guess I need to be with consciousness to really do that well. I wanted to write it down here to focus on it a bit more, on the experience and to realize further how I got there.
It sounds silly maybe, buts its almost like an out of body experience. Like looking down on the mind and body, and feeling how the limitations of the mind and body are just that.. limitations of 'only the mind and body'. The one that looks down on it, is flowy, light, airy and very much ok and unaffected by those limitations.
I just have to become super conscious, and then function from there. I can work on that.

Sorry if it doesn't make sense, I might have to work on how to explain it better.