Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

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winstonthebish
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Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by winstonthebish » Tue May 14, 2019 1:09 am

I have been aware of thoughts/feelings for about 5-6 months now, and can see how easily one negative thought can transform into a chain of more thoughts, which in turn create a lot negative feelings inside my chest/stomach area. The negative "energy" can also show up alone, and when I try to into it to release it, I just don't feel strong enough which in turn feed tons of energy to negative thoughts. After reading ANE, non-resistance, non-judgment and non-attachment seems to me the foundations of a life without suffering. So with situations/everything outside related, I try then not to resist anything that is "bad", but then I'm judging it? Whatever I don't resist, most likely is "good", because why would I resist "good things"? I try not to attach to anything, but this is hard especially with this girl I'm dating who I am already attached to. It feels like my attachment to her fluctuates depending on how often we meet/talk.

Anyways, most of my suffering comes from expectations society/media have put on relationships, that I have bought into or believe in. When I’m taking the bus, or cooking food, thoughts like “why aren’t you and her official yet after four months”, “why doesn’t she text me” and “she’s still into her ex” show up. I have tried to follow them, or even logically answering them, which gives me some relief maybe for a couple of seconds before they pop back up again. Staying present and consciously breathing also does this, but they show up immediately after. However, this requires me completely zoning out of what is happening on the outside, like closing my eyes for a few seconds, which I cannot do in certain situations.

But sometimes, when these thoughts show up, I just think “oh my god, I don’t want to do this”, with a sigh. And when I do this, it feels like I really let them go. They still do show up later, but isn’t this just resisting thoughts? Resisting feelings and energy in the body? I know that solving one problem, only gives me peace until the next one arises. So I just dismiss these thoughts in the sense of thinking “why even bother, who the hell cares?” Kind of like this “I don’t give a damn” attitude. I am afraid that this is just adding more fuel to the fire, but at the same time, it is the quickest, most efficient way I have of not getting lost in thought and not being sad.

So basically two questions, can one really dismiss thoughts without it being resistance? And can one be detached from someone who they already are attached to, in a similar fashion with what Alan Watts talks about in this YouTube clip?

https://youtu.be/y_I3Iqx8GY0?t=15
from 0:15 to 3:28

Would love to hear your input on this way of handling thoughts/negative energy.

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turiya
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by turiya » Fri May 17, 2019 12:28 am

winstonthebish wrote:
Tue May 14, 2019 1:09 am
So I just dismiss these thoughts in the sense of thinking “why even bother, who the hell cares?” Kind of like this “I don’t give a damn” attitude. I am afraid that this is just adding more fuel to the fire, but at the same time, it is the quickest, most efficient way I have of not getting lost in thought and not being sad.
winstonthebish wrote:
Tue May 14, 2019 1:09 am
can one really dismiss thoughts without it being resistance? And can one be detached from someone who they already are attached to
To me, finding out who/what desires to dismiss thoughts (good or bad) in the first place is worthwhile. Is that one really you? Look and see.

Also, find out who/what is attached to others... Is it you?

I like the quote at the beginning of this video:

https://youtu.be/5ND0p1BqOV8

I am/you are/everyone is the effortless, formless, ever-present Goodness... Is it true? Investigate! :D
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

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turiya
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by turiya » Fri May 17, 2019 1:01 am

Alan Watts has some good pointers towards the end of this video (starting at 48:24...):

https://youtu.be/wPOsUYA1Auc?t=2904

:wink:
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

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turiya
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by turiya » Fri May 17, 2019 1:22 am

...and here's Mooji (sorry, I'm getting all video-happy! :lol: ):

https://youtu.be/ysb5BHLa-6E
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

winstonthebish
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by winstonthebish » Mon May 20, 2019 10:53 am

Well I don't know. It's kind of like what Alan Watts said in that video you linked to, "trying to get rid of the ego to not suffer anymore." I guess that is what it is. I'm afraid of more pain. Then there is this endless loop of wanting to get rid of the ego and not wanting to get rid of it.

I tried to investigate, see who is saying what. It feels like the awareness kind of breathes life into every thought and emotion. Like a canvas. It's just so funny how I get so upset at my thoughts, emotions and the situations I'm in, but at the same time, how I'm so fed up with it all. Like what Alan Watts said: "If you don't want to be in a state of anxiety all the time, you don't have to. You can be anxious all the time, as long as you think it's fun". This resonates a lot with me. For the past few years, I would listen to sad music to reach this "depressed" and "everything is shitty" state and imagine all these "dramatic" situations with people in my life. I did so because I liked it. Now I don't, but "trying" to stop is so tough. And it's actually affecting my relationships, as in if there is no drama, is there really a relationship? Like this isn't enough.

It helps staying present, but it's so easy to fall into thought. To the point of it getting in the way of my exams, threatening my relationships and just making me overall sad. I know that I just need to stay present, but my mind makes it difficult for me.

Anyways, thanks for your reply, the videos were really nice!

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turiya
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by turiya » Tue May 21, 2019 9:42 pm

winstonthebish wrote:
Mon May 20, 2019 10:53 am
I would listen to sad music to reach this "depressed" and "everything is shitty" state and imagine all these "dramatic" situations with people in my life. I did so because I liked it. Now I don't, but "trying" to stop is so tough
Lol I used to do that too. And, yep, it was all fun and games until I unknowingly started identifying with the depressed/the shitty/the dramatic. It was like having fun playing with a costume... and then I suddenly somehow became the costume and couldnt take it off!
winstonthebish wrote:
Mon May 20, 2019 10:53 am
I know that I just need to stay present, but my mind makes it difficult for me
I was relieved when Mooji said in this video that nobody can "stay in it"... because the one who wants to stay in it doesn't exist. :wink: (starting at 6:30) :

https://youtu.be/uBLy1zoSTZw
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

winstonthebish
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by winstonthebish » Sun May 26, 2019 8:19 pm

Thanks for sharing that video, I enjoyed his talk very much! The way he says to just let everything go, all your ideas, opinions, concepts, everything, is such a great way to really see deeply inside. It's funny doing this, because there really is nothing left when I do this, and then a few seconds after a feeling of not enough quickly arises. Saying I'm tired of it, or just laughing at it feels like judging so I try to just let that go too, and this blissfulness comes back. Or maybe not comes back, but gets to shine through again.

Another funny thing I notice is that this "need for more" is removed once this girl I'm dating texts me since she isn't really that active on her phone. Kind of like over the last months I've trained myself to feel at peace ONLY if she texts me. It's so ridiculous, and to even image how I would handle this need without practising awareness really scares me. I'm so grateful for finding Tolle and this forum. But I digress, knowing that I don't have to stay the watcher all the time really puts pressure off myself. Just knowing who I really am is enough.

Again, thank you very much for your replies!

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turiya
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by turiya » Tue May 28, 2019 12:18 am

winstonthebish wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 8:19 pm
Just knowing who I really am is enough.
Yes, just knowingly being You. That's it. :wink:

It's funny how complicated/difficult the mind can make it all seem.
winstonthebish wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 8:19 pm
Again, thank you very much for your replies!
Thanks for your questions! :D
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

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turiya
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by turiya » Tue May 28, 2019 12:38 am

Some Spira, for good measure (starting at 7:50 and end at 14:25):

https://youtu.be/j-D38-gZTbw?t=470
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

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smiileyjen101
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Re: Is thinking/saying "I don't care" resistance?

Post by smiileyjen101 » Sat Jun 01, 2019 12:58 am

winstonthebish said: So basically two questions, can one really dismiss thoughts without it being resistance? And can one be detached from someone who they already are attached to?
1. Yes. 2. Yes and no - depending on your understanding of relationship.

I've mentioned in another thread I've just recently been re-reading Practising the Power of Now. both of these questions are highlighted quite succinctly in there.

The 'awareness' that notices that these thoughts are arising and you don't want to give them energy is core - that first 'aha' moment of what is happening. The thing is then is not to make enemy, obstacle or means to an end of them. - 'oh look at that thought form that just arose' is more in the energy of curiosity and 'noticing'. The energy we put into that thought dictates the path and the intensity of them.

In ANE the story about the monk accused of getting a young girl pregnant illustrates non-forceful acceptance that that is what someone is saying, believes and is offering to the monk (it is what it is and there is much peace to be had in accepting that), the monk chooses instead to just stay with the realities.

The non-judgemental response is not to defend or deny because what you would be defending against or denying is not real. What then does it 'matter' in you? Hence he peacefully responds with 'is that so' - now, this phrase can be said and felt egoically or without intensity, just the same as I don't care, it depends on what is underneath that, acceptance or resistance.

ET says to check what the body is feeling/experiencing, separate from your mind and go inside - is there tenseness, is there a distance between reality and expectation struggle, an inner and outer struggle? To care is to be involved in, if it's not your business, no need to put your energy into being involved, if it's a false clam/fear also no need. If there is a difference between your thoughts and your inner sensing, the emotions are correct. It's likely then that your outer expression - your words/actions - are also twisting energy, layering expectations over what is.

If you were a labrador puppy... how would this situation be?

So the key is not not to care, the key is to discern your truth, and sit with that, watch it from a bigger space. Energy intensifies when it's narrowed, and evens out and connects with a wider energy field when we relax. In the sort of states you're talking about, instead of making an enemy of those thoughts, embrace them, honour them for they too are in your world.. as in 'surrender' is both to acknowledge and offer no resistance. It just is - thought arises > discernment finds it out of harmony with grace, love (gratitude and generosity) breathes it out. A bit like when someone farts at a party ;)

No need to grab it by the throat, hold it hostage and argue with it ;)

It's telling you something is happening, and that something is the niggle that you want an enlightened relationship with that other person and fear and ego is getting in the way, making up stories, torturing you without cause in the present moment, likely coming from some past belief holding on and re-emerging.

When expectation and reality are at odds, a grief process of sorts (all the emotions of, are triggered) happens, and can connect with previously created beliefs. The most honest and loving way is to recognise the expectation, as with the unwanted thoughts, thank it for coming to awaken you to the unconsciousness arising, and instead of hanging on to the expectation, step into the reality fully.

In Practicing the power of now there is a section on relationships as a spiritual practice you may find interesting as these things are arising.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com

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