An Amazing Experience

[Vikings are Nice]

I should point out that my partner and I are come from a western rational tradition (were quite cynical about new agism for example) and so this series of events is quite unexpected...

For a couple of months I have been dissolving the pain body. First body pain, then anxiety and then emotional pain came out. This seemed to lead to a realisation that my long standing relationship with my partner was causing us pain and that it had to end in order for us both to grow. I explained this to her and after a period of upset for us both, she realised the same thing.

I was using the ET techniques and tracing the pain back to my heart. In the breakup process I felt a sensation like opening of the heart (partial opening in any case!) - it was a physical, emotional and spiritual thing.

The curious thing is that my partner has to this date not been interested in spirituality, not read a scrap about it, in fact, has been hostile to it. And yet she felt an opening of the heart as well, synchronised to mine. Hers was very strong and for the last two days she has been in, what I can only call, an awakened state . She says she just feels love for everything. Though we still think we should part, she says it doesn't even matter so much who she is with anymore. She has been euphoric, going from periods of frantic activity to just stilling in silence. She is completely a new person.

I don't know if this is a permanent thing for her, and I am not sure if I should give her the PoN to read to reinforce it, or just let her be (as she doesnt seem to need anything!).

I can only assume we were sharing the same pain-body.

I can report that my own sense of peace has deepened over this period. However, I seem to be hanging on to some negativity in my heart that seems to be a kind of barrier to me. Perhaps I think something like never greiving properly over a couple of deaths that occured in my life. It is as if I really need to feel the emotion clearly first before I can dissolve it. That opening up fully (release the constriction) in the heart area might have to happen before I can deepen.

Is there any truth to this in your experience (for instance getting that relationship stuff out really seemed to help), or am I allowing myself to wallow in ego stuff.

I am sure your advice will help.

[Vikings are Nice]

I forgot to mention that last night, I had violent involuntary shakes up and down my body - nothing like anything I have felt ever before. I assumed is was the death throws of the pain-body. But alas this morning, though I had a much increased sense of peace, I seemed to be hanging on to some negativity and stilt felt constricted (though it is different somehow now like the mind wasn't so identified with it).

Perhaps it is just remnants, or perhaps there are other issues to dissolve for me. Which is why I was asking my questions above.

[eseward]

Perhaps I think something like never greiving properly over a couple of deaths that occured in my life. It is as if I really need to feel the emotion clearly first before I can dissolve it.

This has seemed to be the case for me in the past, as if the previously suppressed emotions required acknowledgement before they would pass away. Allowing the feelings (while disidentifying from them) has worked to promote their passage and fading away, at which time something far surpassing the old negativity flowed in to the space left behind. YMMV, of course.

[Vikings are Nice]

She has come down somewhat from that experience. I think we both experienced a release of pain, but pain bodies remain. However there is a deeper sense of peace so there must have been progress. And now she understands spiritualism and knows about dissolving the pain body, so that is good.

With regard to if one should indulge there emotions at all so that they can be felt, I have been letting the emotions have there little say so that I can feel them clearly and then been oberving them impartially with some success.

I still wonder about the issues of repressed emotions not felt clearly. Does one go soul searching for them? From things said on this forum, it might not matter so much what the emotions are, rather the pattern of negativity is the problem?

[kiki]

Simply feel them as they arise. No need to look to root out "repressed" ones. Isn't that a form of searching? - what if you fail to root them out? Life is now, so experience how life expresses now and leave it at that. If it's emotions that arise now then feel them fully without attempting to hang on to them or resist them.

[eseward]

Simply feel them as they arise. No need to look to root out "repressed" ones... If it's emotions that arise now then feel them fully without attempting to hang on to them or resist them.

Absolutely.

[Ives]

Simply feel them as they arise.

This is one key difference between ‘now’ teachings and traditional psychotherapy. And it’s a beautiful one, in my opinion.

There is enough pain in the now, there’s no need to actively dig into the past. I think Gestalt Therapy also works like this.
We deal with pain as it comes up of its own accord. If it doesn’t come up, who’s complaining?

I was talking recently to a friend who is really into psychotherapy. She was saying something like: “After the summer I'm going to see if I can do some sessions to really deal with that trauma I underwent as an infant”.
A little voice inside my head said: “You're projecting into the future in order to go back into the past so that in the future following the future just mentioned you may begin to live in the present?” Huh?

As I always say, “Why complicate things?”

[eseward]

Exactly.

Let everyday life be your teacher.

[Vikings are Nice]

OMG, okay I can see that makes sense. I don't know why I keep going off track with this stuff, it is so easy to get drawn back in to stories. There is part of me that doesn't trust the techniques or wants to give up.

Last night I had such a deep meditation and could feel the constriction in my chest was still present. I looked at it impartially for ages. But there was no release. Then I thought, 'well then the constriciton must be hiding repressed emotions' (this has been my experience sometimes). But I could not penetrate those emotions or feel them clearly and fear arose as I tried (a panick in my chest that I haven't felt for a while now). And then I thought 'oh I am back at square one, this stuff doesn't work'. So you see, it is easy to get mixed up in stories about it, and not to trust the techniques.

Also, I was able to feel more peace this morning by using a different technique like going into the feeling of love for people in my life. This seemed to help with the constriction. So then I thought 'well this technique is much more gentle and works better'.

But I guess both techniques are not necessarilly incompatible anyway.

I guess I had fallen back into the habit of looking for problems to solve.

[Vikings are Nice]

Sometimes it seems to me, when I am meditating deeply and can see the pain body clearly, that it would be a good thing to just move into it or bring presence into it and that will help dissolve it. I have done this. It is intense and my body tenses up. Or sometimes at this juncture I will try to accept - it has the same affect. This seems to produce a weakening of the pain body (or sometimes not). But I am not sure if it is the correct approach, as it means you are really focuses intensely on the pain body.

[yougarksooo]

I still wonder about the issues of repressed emotions not felt clearly. Does one go soul searching for them? From things said on this forum, it might not matter so much what the emotions are, rather the pattern of negativity is the problem?

My suggestion is to cut all mental commentary out of the watching. Just watch emotions and thoughts as they arise. Don't comment. Don't try to figure them out. Don't add them to the story of her or of you. That is just more ego. More self trying to find or understand self.

Whatever needs to be shown to you will be shown through presence alone, which just means watching, keeping inner body awareness.

The very idea that there is something to search for is the "problem" itself. Rest into the awareness of what is arising now. Keep it that simple.

[kiki]

The very idea that there is something to search for is the "problem" itself. Rest into the awareness of what is arising now. Keep it that simple.

Well said. Keep it simple because what you are is irreducible simplicity. Any search, any effort, any attempt is movement away from the simplicity of what you are.

[yougarksooo]

Any search, any effort, any attempt is movement away from the simplicity of what you are.

Agree, as usual.

[Ives]

Isn’t it amazing how difficult it is to just keep things simple?

That in itself is a source for wonder.

[yougarksooo]

Isn’t it amazing how difficult it is to just keep things simple?

Yes, it reminds me of Adya's wife Mukti's teaching about watching the stop sign. For some reason this teaching helps me to see just how people complicate life and spirituality.

You are Point A. Point A is seeking to know itself. So it seeks itself in Point B. Point B could be anything. The content is interchangeable. Point B could be drugs, spiritual literature, relationships, food, God, belief systems, the list is endless. Point A employs complicated thought patterns and systems to know itself through Point B. It does not realize the simple truth which is that it can only know itself by resting into itself, into Point A, into the awareness that is already there.

So any step away from Point A creates the problem of seeking, the suffering.

It's a cruel little joke when you look at it conceptually like that.