Can someone help me or give advice please?

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barrymurphy91
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Can someone help me or give advice please?

Post by barrymurphy91 » Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:27 pm

Dear folks,

I need your help. I have read the Power of Now many a time and found it very beneficial in the past. However, I find myself immersed in really bad anxiety at the moment. I haven't slept in days. My appetite is all but zero. I keep replaying voices and images over and over in my head about my past experiences and worry seriously about the future. I can't stop thinking of work and what other people are thinking of me. I worry that i will have to quit work as I am so tired and withdrawn from what is going on around me. This has happened to me so many times in the past. I am being a burden to my girlfriend by my constant referrals to how bad it feels. I can't make up my mind about what I should do. My mind is sapping me of all my energy and 'watching the thinker' just doesnt seem to work anymore. Also my feelings are of such a negative charge it's really unbearable. My days of horrible depression are back haunting me. Please, can someone help me out on this one.

Peace,
Barry

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Webwanderer
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Post by Webwanderer » Sun Oct 07, 2007 3:57 pm

Me! Me! Me! Me!

Can you see your focus? Can you see in your post all the words that point to a separate self that is suffering? Take a close look at the concern for fixing this me sense.

Now ask your self, who is seeing the me?

All the fear and concern that you mention lives in concepts of past and future, as it relates to some sense of separate vulnerability to those concerns. Stop thinking about it for awhile and live in this very moment. Be open to the experience of now, whatever it holds. Just for this moment, forgive yourself all the wrongs and accusations of guilt that you fear. Experience what it is to be free of judgment, just for a moment - this moment.

There is nothing outside of you that causes you pain. Recognize that and live, for just this very moment, in self forgiveness. Stop looking at yourself through others eyes, that is, how you fear they see you. That is a vicious ego trap. To the degree you live free of self judgment, you will begin to forgive others their judgment as well.

The key is to find space in this moment now, to live thought free. In just this moment.

And welcome to the forum barrymurphy91. There are many excellent threads here. Look through them. You will find many quality pointers that will be helpful.

WW

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Post by kiki » Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:30 pm

Welcome to the board, barrymurphy91. You are in the throes of what it means to be lost in the mind, to be lost in the "story of me". Disengage from the mind and thus from the story.

How is this done? Become very cognizant of what's actually real and true right now. To start with, get familiar again with what's relatively true. Instead of putting the bulk of attention on the story/mind allow attention to rest on your physical surroundings. Become familiar with the senses again - what does it feel like to sit or stand or walk, what does it feel like to sense the air coming and going as you breathe, what does it feel like to feel the temperature of the surrounding air, can you feel the movement of air around you, what does it feel like to simply taste the food when you eat or the liquids you drink, what does it feel like to simply listen to the birds sing, what is does it feel like to simply watch the objects in your field of vision. Keep returning again and again to what the senses are delivering to you.

Do you see the underlying point here? All of these actions are designed to take you into the immediacy of the physical world and draw attention away from your mental world, which is only a distortion of what's happening. The common bond in all experiences, clear seeing and distorted beliefs, is the underlying awareness. But without the overshadowing aspect of the mind that underlying awareness has an opportunity to come more to the foreground and subvert identification with "me". Right now you are so totally bound to the distortions of the thinking mind and its slave master, the ego, that you can't "taste" the awareness/RealYou that is observing it all. Hang around more and more with what's physically felt and you deprive the mind of ingredients for the ego to turn into a "turmoil suffle".

barrymurphy91
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thanks for response

Post by barrymurphy91 » Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:43 pm

WW. Many thanks for words of wisdom and for clear reply. There are some thoughts still there but I let them be and forgive.

Peace
Barry

redindira
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thanks kiki

Post by redindira » Wed Oct 10, 2007 4:15 pm

I am back to home ground. was lost for two days ,ofcourse most of it in jetlag. But, your post in this discussion has brought me back to the joyful awareness which was part of me all the time the past few months. thanks once again kiki.
indira

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Post by kiki » Wed Oct 10, 2007 4:47 pm

You are entirely welcome, redindira.

marshall21
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Post by marshall21 » Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:01 am

Hi Barry

Your post was pretty elaborate in describing your situation. I know the feelings you described are very suffocating and twisting and I say this from my own experience. I would just like to say a couple of things here which i tried to follow and which did help me in this regard.

From your post it appears that you are too eager to find an answer to your confusion. And you are not even conscious of this frantic search for an answer to your situation and negative feelings. The moment you become aware that you are too eager to "get rid" of your situation, the mind slows down immediately. Then you ask yourself who is trying to fre whom from this mess. Dont answer, just feel. There is no mind involved in it. It is like when the entire mind is like a pool of dust and you are trying too hard to make the dust settle but not realizing that your very trying hard is making the dust get more unsettled. So for a brief moment only, it could be second only, just become conscious and relaxe and try to answer the above questions.

Your post talks about multiple things, from your image in the eyes of the people to the problem of relationship. Now which is the cause and which is the effect cannot be ascertained in this frantic activity. But so far as the image and negative thinking is concerned, when the mind is losing steam like crazy, that is the point to let go. You can make it step by step by telling yourself, if any action I take, since your mind is very anxious, you can choose to write down any action which you need to take so that you can detach yourself from that situation. Or you can decide by thinking that if a friend calls you with a situation like that what would you advice him and please follow that advice because the answer that comes then in which you have no self attached, sooner or later turns out to be a healthy answer given the situation. It may not be of interest to everyone or please everyone, but it probably would be more enduring in the long run. So far as the image problem goes, just realize, the people out there have the same mind under their ironed clothes and polished heads. They also are equally frantic on the inside. Moreover, when ever you are dealing with people, as ET says, you can just watch the antics of the mind. While meditating just watch the stories the mind plays as to what other people thought.
Last but not the least...you cannot make people appreciate you...IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY IN YOUR OWN SKIN...no matter what you do...what strategy you adopt to improve this self image would ultimately bring more misery. So just be who you are in this moment. If you can love yourself and that comes from accepting yourself in this moment...as the person who is crazy, stupid, frantic or screwed...Im sure these are the stories the mind plays...if you can accomodate them lovingly...that becomes the starting point for self improvement and discovery. Everything begins from you...if you are happy with yourself...no body can make you unhappy.

Hope my reply was not too wordy

Take good care and relaxe...

Dont take life too seriously...ultimately they say, nobody comes out of it alive...

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NoordZee
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Post by NoordZee » Sat Oct 13, 2007 8:24 am

How timely Barry's post is and how beautiful some of the replies. I am naturally speaking of myself in relation to the timeliness of Barry's post. I too seem to be going through a dip once again.

Kiki said:
All of these actions are designed to take you into the immediacy of the physical world and draw attention away from your mental world, which is only a distortion of what's happening.
Thank you once again for reminding me of this very important truth. As I am writing this, I am listening to the song of a blackbird in our garden. Momentarily, I feel at peace and all is well.

Marshall21 said:
Or you can decide by thinking that if a friend calls you with a situation like that what would you advice him and please follow that advice because the answer that comes then in which you have no self attached, sooner or later turns out to be a healthy answer given the situation.
How interesting. I am retired now but am still the Treasurer of the Board of Management (volunteer position) of a rather large mental health association. A book was published by this association on the occasion of its 25th anniversary. I got presented with a copy of this book. I have yet to read it but know that it deals with the history of this association. Today, I flicked through the pages when I suddenly saw that an entire page was devoted to me. A former client of mine had written a poem in which he described how suicidal he was but that Frits (me) had given him a new lease of life. When I saw Marshall's remark I asked: "What is really stopping me from following my own advice? If I can do it for others, why can't I do it for myself"

Barry, I am not able to say to you that I fully appreciate how you personally feel. However, I still understand what depression and anxiety can do, as I often "yield" to dark thoughts myself. I have just finished reading ET's A New Earth and must tell you that he has made it much clearer in this book what Presence really means. I highly recommend this book.
"Veritas vos liberabit"

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yougarksooo
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Re: Can someone help me or give advice please?

Post by yougarksooo » Mon Oct 22, 2007 5:06 am

To start with, get familiar again with what's relatively true. Instead of putting the bulk of attention on the story/mind allow attention to rest on your physical surroundings. Become familiar with the senses again - what does it feel like to sit or stand or walk, what does it feel like to sense the air coming and going as you breathe, what does it feel like to feel the temperature of the surrounding air, can you feel the movement of air around you,
Hi Kiki, long time no see.

So, I'm sitting here feeling fingers moving quickly, without thought being put into that, over the keys of this keyboard. How does that happen? I saw the mind ask that question right after the first sentence. I feel an itch on my shoulder. I stop to scratch it, then back to the keys. Now, a deep breath. I cleared my throat. Sat back in my chair. Looked at clock, then at a stained oven mitt on the desk. Now back to the screen. I'm now looking at the title "can someone help me or give advice please" and wondering what advice is needed. It's only now, what is happening. This is happening. What is this? I have no idea. :D Over and out!!!!!!!
"When people ask me who they are or who God is, I smile inside and whisper to the light: there you go again . . . pretending."

Adya

vegivory
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Re: Can someone help me or give advice please?

Post by vegivory » Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:32 am

Hi Barrymurphy,

I would say that listening to one of ET's audio recordings is just about the quickest and most effective way to bring me into presence and quiet my chattering mind. I highly recommend that you purchase one for yourself and give it a try.

arniepost
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Re: Can someone help me or give advice please?

Post by arniepost » Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:52 pm

When I feel those feelings I remember to feel my body and bring my attention to my breath. That really helps. It doesn't help to try to fix thought with more thought. That just doesn't work. I also find it helps to not be at the computer too much or to not watch televison. lie down, close your eyes, and just feel what you are feeling in the moment. It is futile to resist what you are feeling in this moment. If you resist don't resist the resistance. Just be aware of it all. There is nothing you can do to fix anything. The entity that wants to fix things is the resistance. Why hire a Fox to guard the chicken coop? :-)
Arnie

Sw Anand Devagni.
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Re: Can someone help me or give advice please?

Post by Sw Anand Devagni. » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:22 pm

Hi - for this kind of post, I often refer people to the section 'The Secret to Happiness' in A New Earth.

All you do is ask yourself on an inbreath - 'is there any negativity in me in the moment'?

Then check your body for the emotion, wherever it is, then check up to your mind to see the thoughts which appear to justify, but actually cause, the pain.

That is in my experience often enough to dislodge it.

Sw A D.

weopposedeception
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Re: Can someone help me or give advice please?

Post by weopposedeception » Thu Jan 10, 2008 5:11 am

I have found it helpful to scan the body for feelings but leave the thoughts completely out of it. Get curious about the specific feeling in the body, examine it very closely, get intimate with it, but don't entertain a single thought about it. Just, what is here right now?

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