From complete ease to complete fear?

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barrymurphy91
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From complete ease to complete fear?

Post by barrymurphy91 » Sun Oct 14, 2007 8:41 pm

Hi folks,

Many thanks for your replies in the previous topic. I appreciate your advice. I have been practising and practising. At present my mind is very muddled and I am numb. It's not a nice sensation. I have really tried to follow being the 'silent witness'. This has definitely worked on some occasions to the point where I feel lucid and really at home with the present moment. But then, it can disappear quite rapidly.

I find then that the next day or week , I may have a completely different experience from when I was free of thought and I become lost again in fear, angst, depression etc. This builds up and the momentum is fast. It's a pattern this fear thing and I can't stand it. I would love to just release this strangling fear forever.

To be honest, I am extremely confused writing this. I can't let go of ideas in my head. I can't hold down a steady job. I would like to stay on in my work but fear is gripping me and I have visions of telling my boss that I can't cope in the job situation, I'll lose the house then. How horrible!! Considering my teaching job is not that difficult (from a neutral perspective) but being present just seems impossible at present. I am contaminating so many people with my insanity.

Can anyone help me?
Peace
Barry

barrymurphy91
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any tips for sleeping at night?

Post by barrymurphy91 » Sun Oct 14, 2007 8:55 pm

hi again,

has anyone got tips for sleeping at night. can't sleep for love nor money. read and listen to eckhart and other spiritual teachers but it just isn't happening.

I can't let go. But the funny thing is. I have experienced this timeless now previously and it was the most comforting time ever. Ever!! I would love to have that beautiful experience again. The monster, pain body, parasite, call it what you will, is back. And it's in full flight. Ahh, I'm only adding fuel to the fire by talking about my anxiety.

Love
Barry

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Post by heidi » Mon Oct 15, 2007 12:41 am

First, realize you are not your mind. Laugh at it, because yours is hilarious!
It can serve you. Watch it without judging.

Not just lying in bed, but during the day, too, try this:
Just slowly and consciously take 3 very deep (feel the skin below your belly expand, feel your ribs expand, open your throat, and then take longer to exhale. Puts me right to sleep (or in daytime put me where I like it) opening to the spirit. :)
Last edited by heidi on Mon Oct 15, 2007 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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fear

Post by blueviceroy » Mon Oct 15, 2007 4:57 am

You are feeling attatchment . WE only fear out of a feling of loss out of a false sense of permanence. All "Things" are transient. The attempt to keep them only creates fear of loss. We are riddled with fear untill we know and accept loss and death as the inevetible end of this experience. Our physicality will forever change moment by momement so don't fear accept that what you "have" will one day no longer "be" yours . My mind is struggling with letting go of self I am grieveing already for the loss of self but it is still present. good luck . Remember we are here to play peek a boo not become the costume.

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Post by barrymurphy91 » Tue Oct 16, 2007 12:03 am

thanks guys for the tips. I have been trying too damn hard to attain a state of no mind. even though i think i am conscious, i am actually not cos I'm over thinking. I have been searching for an answer to a certain situation i'm in and I realise this is part of the whole dilemma.

also, as much as eckhart tolles words are liberating, i got too attached to them. they are only directions. my ego turned his words into an addiction and obsession for me. he gives many directions. my mind actually turned eckharts teachings into a formula and completely over analysed everything. now i am aware of that and feel much more at ease and in touch with the inner body.

thanks guys for your advice.
i'll sleep soundly as i've nothing to fear
peace

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Post by kiki » Tue Oct 16, 2007 1:21 am

Seeing how you get caught in thinking as it happens is the way out of attachment to thought - as attachment to thought dissolves the frequency of thought lessens. Struggling to become thought free or making that a goal is a recipe for insuring thought remains. Just become alert to how mind enters and demands/ expects/ hopes things to be different than what they are. When you see it happening relax deeply back into the awareness which has alerted you to what's happening.

You can read these words and accept the truth behind them, but until you actually see for yourself, until you actually realize the truth of them, they will remain mere ideas which will keep the mind spinning.
barrymurphy91 wrote:also, as much as eckhart tolles words are liberating, i got too attached to them.
They are only liberating to the degree that you realize within yourself the truth to which they point.
they are only directions. my ego turned his words into an addiction and obsession for me. he gives many directions. my mind actually turned eckharts teachings into a formula and completely over analysed everything.


That's right, they are only directions, only words. There is no "formula" for becoming awake; each person wakes up in a unique way, what works for one won't necessarily work for another (plus, remember - there really is no one doing anything; only an "idea of me" which thinks it's doing something). So, focus less on the words and put more attention on the awareness that is hearing or reading them.

I like to recommend people get the audio version of Stillness Speaks because it is ideal for just dropping the mind and allowing awareness to become more noticeable. Being more sutra like (very short but potent) they don't engage the mind much. Plus, the built in pauses between stutras allows you to simply relax until the next phrase is spoken. You'll find yourself at some point hearing everything being said without any intrusion of the mind; then you'll know first hand the "flavor" of consciousness/awareness. Once you recognize consciousness you'll notice it in every situation. It is all so very simple you'll be amazed when you see for yourself.

One last thing unrelated to the content of my post: Everyone, please remember to use capitalization, punctuation, and standard English to the best of your ability.

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Post by BrahmanEternal » Tue Oct 16, 2007 11:05 pm


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Post by weopposedeception » Wed Oct 17, 2007 4:13 am

I can identify with you. I have a very strong and tenacious ego/pain body. Much of my life was spent alternating between anxiety and depression. Fortunately the truth of who I am, the undefinable presence, has managed to slowly reveal itself. The teachings are helpful to understand how the ego works. Ego tells a story about "my life", filled with woulda-coulda-shouldas, fears about the future, negative judgements about everything. I took this storyteller to be myself and this gave it the energy to thrive. Initially what worked for me was not to act or strongly believe in everything that came out of my head, to realize that basically all thoughts are judgements or opinions, they are not reality. I also found it helpful to believe that my life was being directed by a higher power and that everything is happening exactly as it should. Maharshi talks about this under the topic of "surrender". Some simple advice a teacher gave me was to "notice and allow" everything without making a story out of it.

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Post by kiki » Wed Oct 17, 2007 4:51 am

Ego tells a story about "my life", filled with woulda-coulda-shouldas, fears about the future, negative judgements about everything. I took this storyteller to be myself and this gave it the energy to thrive.
Yes, that's how ego it maintains itself.
Initially what worked for me was not to act or strongly believe in everything that came out of my head, to realize that basically all thoughts are judgements or opinions, they are not reality.
That's right, they aren't reality, only interpretations that are believed in, thus creating the false reality of the egoic world, a world of ideas only.
I also found it helpful to believe that my life was being directed by a higher power and that everything is happening exactly as it should.
Very good. There can be a deeper relaxation into your essence when it's seen/felt it is taking care of everything, that the "higher power" is you/consciousness.
Maharshi talks about this under the topic of "surrender"
It doesn't get any better than Maharshi.

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Re: From complete ease to complete fear?

Post by Larryfroot » Sat Oct 20, 2007 7:53 pm

Hi Barry,

I hope the following helps in some way...

When I realised myself as "Self beyond self" I was launched into months of bliss. All well and good. But then the bliss subsided and a more recognisable human brain returned! But deep down, I knew in my heart of hearts to be disappointed in this matter would be playing the same old game in the same old way. So I remained peacefully resigned to the fact that bliss was fading. And that led me to consider a quote from Eckhart. That we may not always be happy, but we can always be at peace. So very true...but I also found was that peace itself became the foundation of real happiness. A happiness that was not dependent on external conditions or even internal judgements. Peace is the foundation of happiness...can we conceive of happiness existing without peace?

So often what passes as happiness is excitement, a stimulation that in time turns into exhaustion or boredom as the novelty wears off.

But to be at peace with all these manifestations of unhappiness, depression, anxiety even...is not about learning to deal with them, to try and be happy irregardless. It is learning to allow them to be, and in that allowing is a peace which once felt, becomes the foundation of true happiness.

If we look for peace we only find a search. Peace cannot be found. It can only ever be allowed (through acceptance). In fact perfect peace is perfect acceptance.
Many a mickle muches a markle.

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Re: From complete ease to complete fear?

Post by heidi » Sat Oct 20, 2007 8:36 pm

I think we need a bumper sticker here:
Allow Peace :)
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Re: From complete ease to complete fear?

Post by Larryfroot » Sun Oct 21, 2007 11:39 am

Yep...two words that sum up so much. As soon as I can its going on a T-Shirt!
Many a mickle muches a markle.

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Re: From complete ease to complete fear?

Post by loganp » Sun Oct 21, 2007 9:04 pm

Hey brother, I can relate have have been just where you are and felt really tortured. I felt that I wanted to be perfect and do it just right, I wanted to figure it out. And tried and tried and just felt bad all through the process.And it arose so many old and familiar demons in me .And I felt myself getting worse. By worse I mean feeling more stuck more anxious, more tense, more in despair, more frustracted, more disconnected.I want to give you a qoute from Eckhart that helped me and may help you. It is something i knew already but just forgot and needed to remind myself. "Don't Look for peace. Don't look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance.
FORGIVE YOUSELF FOR NOT BEING AT PEACE.The moment you completely accept your non peace, your non peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you to peace. this is the miracle of surrender. When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. That is enlightment." Hope this helps Barry. Peace logan

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Re: From complete ease to complete fear?

Post by Webwanderer » Sun Oct 21, 2007 11:51 pm

Nice post loganp, sounds like experience talking. Welcome to the forum.

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Re: From complete ease to complete fear?

Post by blueviceroy » Mon Oct 22, 2007 4:02 am

Loganp that made my eyes tear up a little . Whenever I experience the relief of awareness it still chokes me up. When you whitnees a path that leads there that another took and made it , it's very touching to me after all the struggles i've had and sometimes still do.

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