what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.
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tikey
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what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by tikey » Thu Nov 15, 2007 12:37 am

hello dear friends.

at first :sorry for bad english, because I use it very rarely.

A few days ago i was comming home very tired after work. i felt very irritaded, frustrated, sick and wanted to die. at those moments tolle is my only friend.
and so it was that we were sitting together in the car. i as a driver and he as a passanger next to me as a voice comming from laptop speakers.
and so it was that i was driving and i was completely gone in his words. i was driving automatically. there was a huge trffic jam so i didnt have to pay much attention. i could listen. i arrived home and i didnt get out from the car. the little rain was falling down and water drops were all over the windows, so i felt
like i was somehow disappearing, drawning, going deeper and deeper into what he was saying. (if you mind what was the record it was "practising the PON")
so you know - his words talking calmly about that there is a life undearneath my life situation (and of course my life situation was dreadfull so i was happy
to hear that). So I imagined myself stepping out of my life, standing naxt to it. Cant describe it precisely. Then he was talkin about surrender. I was
so tired that i didn't even know that surrender had just happened in me... under the tiredness i had no strenght to opose... i just dispersed into the words.
As i felt a little bit strange sitting like an idiot in the car, i opened the door and went out. And then strange things began to happen. I met my dad in the garage.
Funny but this encounter wasn't so bad like all of them. i don't know - i can say i just could become his friend and chat witch him for ages, which isn't pretty normal for us. Then there was an episode wchich happens rarely in my family, but when it happens - we(my dad, me, our pets(2dogs) and my mom) become totally frustrated, unhappy and miserable - it's a family quarrel started by mom mom. And so as I walked to the kitchen i started to chat with my mom.
I was completely present, clear, i dont know - my mind was so incredibly clear and logical as never ever before.And then the misunderstanding began to happening. I wanted to say clearly what I think and then my mom said she cant talk with me. (If I had to use Tolles terminology - she is completely unconsciouss egoic entity). She told me nothin I say have sense but I was absolutely sure and confident that I am "right". But I was not pushing her. I was calm. I was just speaking about the simple facts, when she began to scream. Originally that is me(yes, I often am VERY unconsciouss) who is screaming, but this time it was her being unconscious(i was pretty satisfied about realizing that her pain body has taken her over and i am present). And normally I would scream to her an shout, break some porcelain and go to bed and cry(and dogs would propably go hide in the bathroom) but somehow none of her words hit me!That was strange!In me there was NOTHING wchich absorbed the words, wchich reacted to them (As I felt that i realised "oho, thats because i have completely lost my "ego") and literally they were comming THRU me hitting nothing!GREAT!AMAZING!I was very happy. Then this quarell began to unfold, but I could always say something rational, rather then something silly so the situation calmed down. (even dad took my side-brilliant).

So what do you think of that? Was that because I Listened to Tolle?
PS.There were even more situations. I was going on the street and you know sometimes I ask for cigarrette. And normally(lets say, when "my ego is active") the
reaction of peaple is "get lost" or "i dont have"(i know he has, he just put them in the pocket) and thats because i sound fearfull, not confident, as i would please them to ignore me. Or I am trated like a intruder, stranger and somehow I feel as a greatest opponent of the person I ask cigarrette for.
And this day it was different. As my ego was lost there was no negativity ine peoples reaction. My request was also verbalized somehow different - you know,
- a new ideas of asking for the cigarette where comming aout of nowhere.MAN!People were friendly - they couldnt be hostile to me because there was nothing in me to be hostile to! And so i was wandering around and getting the cigarretes for fun!Man what a ride. I was feeling almost like some stuntsman(cause normally i HIDE from people) and I was enjoing that INCREDIBLY. And somehow there came to me a sensation of great responsibility of
what I do in my life. I dont know. A sense of that - that if I want to live like that(happy,present,in the NOW, out of problems, without EGO) I need to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY. Anyone had that? Anyone felt like an "opened gate" thru wchich everything heard or seen was just passing, making no conflict within and without?

PPS. It was a week ago. That state didnt happen to me again. I wonder if it ever reach me again. I hope for.See you.

Tomek
Last edited by tikey on Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by shappy » Thu Nov 15, 2007 1:17 am

Hi tikey,
tikey wrote:A sense of that - that if I want to live like that(happy,present,in the NOW, out of problems, without EGO) I need to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY. Anyone had that?
Yes! It was wonderful. Basically, when I experienced it, I KNEW that I was completely responsible for my life. No one can make me happy (or sad, or angry, or "in love", or etc...). My life is completely in my hands. It is so incredibly freeing because you can do whatever you want with your life. It was a beautiful moment. Since then, I have (mostly ;)) lived like that.
tikey wrote:PPS. It was a week ago. That state didnt happen to me again. I wonder if it ever reach me again. I hope for.See you.
I hope so too, but I wouldn't dwell on it if I were you. I have had some profound experiences ever since I started taking my existence seriously but I have learned to let them all go. The things that are real and worthwhile will stay with you forever. The things that are just experiences or mind-tricks will fade and disappear with time. I say let truth be truth.

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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by suraj » Thu Nov 15, 2007 6:42 am

Tikey, I really enjoyed your story.
ET says , allow the harsh words of others to pass through as if there is nobody. I have tried it and am trying it. At first , something is diminished inside (exactly as ET says) ; and then something grows when the words have passed over.That sense -"I am still the same , undiminshed" comes over.
I AM

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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by Larryfroot » Thu Nov 15, 2007 11:15 am

Tikey,

Firstly thank you for your best effort in writing in English! It really is a big help to all us English speakers.

I cannot help but be reminded of a phrase I heard recently when I read about the lack of resistance to your mothers screaming and shouting. And that is 'no target'. When we resist that which we do not like, then we create a target for that bad experience to cling to. And the more we resist, the bigger the target until in the end, the target is so big, the bad stuff cannot avoid the target, even if it wanted to.

So acceptance = no target.

Isn't it such a profound shift in relating to our thoughts, our relationships, our life 'stuff'? We try and try so hard to get it. But when it finally comes it is because we simply open up and allow what is already there to manifest. "If you look for peace you will find a search" Peace is not to be found. The very act of looking for peace destroys the peace you are searching for! Peace is only ever allowed, only ever accepted as the moment, as the now.

What a wonderful thing, Tikey! And I am so happy for you!
Many a mickle muches a markle.

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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by Agnieszka » Thu Nov 15, 2007 9:24 pm

TAKE that responsibility! It seems to have been a very valuable insight.
I'm happy for you as for everybody else going through that state (as if one could "go through" stillness :D ), not only because you probably are my fellow countryman, right?. ET is still not widely known in Poland and we should talk about him here more and more (we currently have only the Polish translation of PON and even this is not available in "regular" bookstores).
Good luck Tomasz,
Agn

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tikey
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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by tikey » Thu Nov 15, 2007 11:57 pm

hi guys(and girls)

Thanks for all your comments, they were great and they confirmed my suspicion that something significant happened to me.
now I just cannot stop thinking about reaching that state again! :(
I cannot concentrate on anything else. I'd like to let go of all the thoughts and of my desire to "remake" that state but I'm afraid that if I stop trying I will never get there. And propably the opposite is the case. I know it, but I really find it hard to just chill out and stop this "spiritual marathon" for a while - and if I would- peace would propably reach me automatically, and who knows, maybe the state described above would come by itself to me. Ok guys(and girls), enough talking. I'm going to chill a bit, cause I feel the faster I pursue my goal of happiness the faster it runs away. Ill just pause for a minute. So keep fingers up, and enjoy your own presence.

peace
Tomek
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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by tikey » Fri Nov 16, 2007 12:35 am

To be honest with you I feel now pretty awful. I feel that I let down everybody, I described that state so beautifully but I cant make it again... and so
I again become a miserable "oridinary" human with a head full of problems. I didn't want to let down . I could take that responsibility.... I know I could...
but I just... I can't really explain it... propably I was too afraid of taking resposibility... I was afraid and shocked, cause in that state I was really amazed
about the "power of now". I think i was pretty impressed, because I witnessed it from "first person perspective". I witnessed my own abilities and i saw
the infinite number of possibilities in my life. That was really shocking. And it is somehow like that: I opened the chest with treasure and then closed it rapidly, because I understood the significance of that discovery and I was propably afraid too loose it. So I didn't want to wait until someone "steals" it, or that my life would go wrong. I just shut down this state(propably consciously) with a feeling that I escaped from something that I should not escape. I do this always... and thats my problem.... sorry everyone... just if anyone was with me that time, if someone could understand what was happening to me and accompany me, guide me and then say to me: no, don't shut it down, dont let it go, stick to it and "be it" I would be propably more confident...and i would DARE taking the responsibility...cause for that you really need to have balls.... i don't have enough yet.....
Last edited by tikey on Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by kiki » Fri Nov 16, 2007 1:03 am

tikey wrote:I cannot concentrate on anything else. I'd like to let go of all the thoughts and of my desire to "remake" that state but I'm afraid that if I stop trying I will never get there.
You are experiencing what it is to be caught in an egoic trap; ego wants to recapture it and feels that effort is needed. And just as you suspect, the opposite is the case. But ego really wants to be in charge, and in order to do that it has to "do" something. To be what you really are, however, takes no doing whatsoever. Ego simply can't stand the thought of not doing anything though.
I know it, but I really find it hard to just chill out and stop this "spiritual marathon" for a while - and if I would- peace would propably reach me automatically, and who knows, maybe the state described above would come by itself to me.
Yup, because peace is your very nature.
Ok guys(and girls), enough talking. I'm going to chill a bit, cause I feel the faster I pursue my goal of happiness the faster it runs away. Ill just pause for a minute. So keep fingers up, and enjoy your own presence.
That's all this is - getting to know what presence is. Relax about the whole thing, let all forms of effort drop away and there it is.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by shappy » Fri Nov 16, 2007 1:24 am

tikey, something that helped me was to ask "who"? "Who is feeling this anxiety?", I would ask myself. And when I looked inside, I realized that I, shappy, was feeling anxiety. But who was actually noticing that shappy was feeling anxiety? Hmmm....

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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by tikey » Fri Nov 16, 2007 1:44 am

thanks for reply kiki - really pro :)

shappy: really annoying observation :)

but to let it on: I think that now I have to start just from the beginning. Strange thing is that that there is no any recipe to have that state.
So i think thats why ET was poking fun on one of the seminaries telling the audience"there are seven steps" and it will take you "seven years" and everybody laughed. So i could imagine how a vast amont of people is reading a lot of books, feeding their minds with new concepts and stuff, flying around they head and covering the true reality of life and cutting them off of their true being and denying the simplicity of that fact. All right. Just simply to be silent. To be still.
Thats so annoying simple that my mind screams""no, no you will gonna be defenceless, you will gona be hurt, you will not have ME to protect you, please dont do this, cause you will end up really bad" and it ads of course "it's too easy!It cant be the true way to great mastery!True way must be long and comlicated!Nothing is easy in life! You have to worry, because if you didn't.... you could becaome happy!How dreadfull is that!" So.... from now on I just try step out from that voice and not intensify it by identifying with it. Thats strange. There really is space. see you!
Last edited by tikey on Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by shappy » Fri Nov 16, 2007 1:59 am

shappy: really annoying observation
it's not difficult... try it.

"who is annoyed?" tikey. "who is behind that?"...
"who is frustrated because they don't know who is behind that?" tikey. "who is behind that?"...

You keep asking until you're sick of asking ! :P Or don't...

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Re: what was that?(tolle's effect???)

Post by Larryfroot » Fri Nov 16, 2007 4:35 pm

Tikey,

The desire for reaching that state again is counter-productive as it insists there is something to do before that state is attained once more. And we don't know exactly what that thing to do is. What is peace other than an allowing of each moment, and acceptance of each thought and emotion without resistance? And yes, sometimes we have to accept some pretty awful emotions and feelings and thoughts when we need peace. But you cannot force yourself into feeling peace, into being peace. And no one can 'do' acceptance either. Acceptance is an entirely passive state. By reacting against the loss of peace you are postponing your arrival back into peace. When we resist what we do not like, when we judge it and try to push it away...we are actually pushing away the potential we have for peace as well, without even realising it. There is the moment itself, the eternal moment where you always are as peace, as vitality, as beauty itself. So when we resist the content of our minds, the bad thoughts and the sad thoughts and when we resist the content of our hearts, without realising it we are also resisting the moment in which they arise in. We throw out the solution when we throw out the problem. Acceptance takes courage and awareness, but sometimes that courage is born of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. That there is something better than all this pain and hurt. And there is...but the only way to it when you work with acceptance is through the unhappy content. Because what you will find when you accept the unacceptable is (logically enough) the content. And accepting the content as it is, with no judgement, no guilt allows something else to make itself felt. A space begins to open up around the content. And the more you let go and let be, the larger and more spacious this feeling becomes. bigger and bigger until it is so much bigger than the problems and situations and feelings and thoughts that make up the content. And then it simply washes away the attachment that links our hearts and minds to all those issues that prevent us from tasting the essence of ourselves beyond thought, and beyond content.

Acceptance is profoundly healing. It heals the rift we have with the moment, with the now.
Many a mickle muches a markle.

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