The last time was... well... I could write a book about it

I found for myself, that I am not in the world. That may sound funny (it is). Consciousness is, to me, today like a window through which the nameless witness sees the world. It sees the world, it sees feelings, thoughts and so on... it sees a mental construct called "astaroth" which seems to move the body, according to his script, which most people call personality. But the Self is always before astaroth, even before the world. I am not from this world. Scary.

But which keeps me entrapped in astaroth's dreamworld is guilt. Somehow I see that all these struggles are astaroth's struggles, not mine. But astaroth moves the body. Doesn't he? He talks, thinks, feels, acts... Wrong?
But even seeing myself now outside the world doesn't keep astaroth from feeling guilt about what he has done. Today, that's all stories. But astaroth blames itself for having it done, anyway. So where is the problem, you might ask.


webwanderer, you once wrote "do you still feel guilt about what you have done in a dream?" I didn't understand what you meant. But saying "okay, it isn't all that bad, it's just a dream" may sound true for me now, for I see I am not inside the world of form. But it sounds also cruel. You know what I mean? Just letting go completely of astaroth feels like sneaking away from responsabilty. Not being responsible for anything, after all, that feels cruel.
Please give me some wise words...
Thanks,
astaroth