Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Talk about relationships in the context of Spiritual Enlightenment

Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby ZenStrat » Sun Oct 10, 2010 11:05 am

Hello!

I am 26 years old and have never had a girlfriend.

I have recovered from a depression that I got 2 years ago and is now back in the game. Much thanks to ET and the teachings alike.

I had to high expectations of myself, was not myself and tried to please everyone else. I think that was the cause of the depression.

Anyhow, I now feel like I have gotten a second chanse in life and should try to make myself a good life and avoid damaging behavior.

I dont meet so many girls right now. But I am not a hopeless case, I think I just need to get to know more girls and one day a suitable girl will appear. you cant get a girlfrield sitting in your room all day right?

I am looking for a job. I feel i might have a good chanse to get to know a lot of pretty girls if i find the right kind of job.

I think that taking a high-status jobb that fits my 5-year eduation would take a lot of time and effort. I would not have so much left for the girlfriend search. I might just be tired and unhappy again...

I can also just find a job that gives me joy in what I do, maybe low-status, with focus on the acutal dooings of the job, but then maybe no girlfrieds. Or I can searth for a jobb that is both fun and with the company of some pretty girls.

I cant get the prioryties strait. What should I do?

I gues the correct answer to this in theory is: Do something that you like and enyoy for a job, get happy, and the rest (like girlfriends) will just fall in place and comes when it comes.
But I get scared of beeing single for a couple of years more.

I guess I should just find something that gives me joy and be present in that. But I dont want to do that if is involves me beeing single for another 5 years or so....

Is the girlfactor clouding my mind? Or is it ok to not take a job thats fun but with only male workers...?

Am I to controlling? Am I to calculationg? Well, we have to make some decitions and do some planning right? Out of present beeing comes "natural action" or something like that....

Daaahh, help me here....
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby Mouse » Sun Oct 10, 2010 2:22 pm

To attract a woman to you that you can really love you simply have to be that place of love in your own body. You have to put love first in your body.

So you might intuit that there is something other than that love in the body. That condition is what we are all caught up in to start with and it is called the mental world. When we are in the mental world we can't feel our bodies.

In the body is where the love is and where love is made. Love holds a relationship together. You can acknowledge love.

Don't confuse jobs with girlfriends, they are separate issues, and you can't do anything to find that right woman. Love will do it when you are ready.
I have been inspired by Barry Long's teaching and I write this so as to acknowledge my source of inspiration. It is a wonderful help, and it is a wonderful gift.
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby runstrails » Sun Oct 10, 2010 10:11 pm

Hi ZenStraat,
I agree with Mouse. It might be a good idea to work on yourself first. For a while, let go of all the pre-conceived notions that you have (of girlfriends, jobs, future). Of course, we all need jobs etc.. to survive, so don't ignore the practical side of life. Work on becoming comfortable with yourself. Spend some time truly exploring who you are (as a person and beyond that). As someone once said, an unexamined life is not worth living. Use this forum to help you explore your true nature. This to my mind is the best investment in yourself. Hope this helps and keep us posted on your progress!
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby Dan_Clizer » Thu Oct 14, 2010 4:30 am

Hi Zenstrat,

Mouse and runstrails have given you wonderful advice. Remember that this time you now have of being alone is in fact sacred. Its sacred because you get to use it for many opportunities to awaken. Use it now to fully face the fears you have, fears of being alone, fears you might not ever find that special girl. Look at those fears fully, don't avoid them. Use this time to transmute those fears so that when you do meet that special lady (and you will), you'll be ready for her. You'll be ready for her because you've done your inner work and you'll be able to be a divine partner for her.
You will honor her, she will honor you in that sacred space of your loving hearts. When you do the inner work first, you'll then attract to you a mate that has done her inner work as well. Its a magnetic attraction. Don't put the cart before the horse, do the hard work first and you'll be so very glad you did later!
Look for every little opportunity you can find to become more aware, more conscious until you reside in peace at all times. That peace you feel in the core of your being will attract to you a lady that's peaceful too.

Love,
Dan
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby Sighclone » Mon Oct 18, 2010 6:21 am

Here is an early Adya piece on relationships -- I post this a couple of times a year, will put it in "Forum Favorites."

Andy

* * * * * * * * * *
The Heart of Relationship
Awakening to the truth of perfect Unity, means to awaken from the dream of a personal self and personal others to the realization that there is no other. Many spiritual seekers have had glimpses of the absolute unity of all existence, but few are capable of or willing to live up to the many challenging implications inherent in that revelation. The revelation of perfect unity, that there is no other, is a realization of the ultimate impersonality of all that seems to be so very personal. Applying this realization to the arena of personal relationships is something that most seekers find extremely challenging, and is the number one reason why so many seekers never come completely to rest in the freedom of the Self Absolute. Inherent in the revelation of perfect unity is the realization that there is no personal me, no personal other, and therefore no personal relationships. Coming to terms with the challenging implications of this stunning realization is something that few people are willing to do. Because realizing the true impersonality of all that seems so personal, challenges every aspect of the illusion of a separate, personal self. It challenges the entire structure of personal relationships which are born of needs, wants, and expectations. It is in the arena of personal relationships that the illusion of a separate self clings most tenaciously and insidiously. Indeed, there is nothing that derails more spiritual seekers than the grasping at and attaching to personal relationships.

The revelation of perfect unity reveals the true impersonality of all relationships. The ego always interprets “impersonal” as meaning cold, distant, and aloof. However, “impersonal” simply means not personal, or void of a separate me and a separate you. The mind cannot comprehend of a relationship without separate entities. Much as a character in a dream cannot comprehend that all other dream characters are simply manifestations of the same dreamer. Yet when the dreamer awakens, he instantly comprehends that the entire dream, and all the characters in it, were none other than projections of his own self. In the dream there is the appearance of separate, personal entities in relationship, but upon awakening one comprehends the impersonal (non-separate) Self that is the source of all appearances.

To deeply inquire into the question “Who is another?” can lead to the direct experience that the other is one’s own Self - that in fact there is no other. However, I have seen that for most seekers, even this direct experiential revelation is not enough to transform the painfully personal ways they relate. To come to this profound transformation requires a very deep investigation into the implications inherent within the experiential revelation that there is no other. It is in the daily living of these implications that most seekers fail. Why? Because, fundamentally, most people want to remain separate and in control. Simply put, most people want to keep dreaming that they are special, unique, and separate, more than they want to wake up to the perfect unity of an Unknown which leaves no room from any separation from the whole.
There is a powerful tendency in most spiritual seekers to avoid probing deeply into the implications inherent within profound spiritual experience and revelation, because these implications are always threatening to the sense of a separate self, or ego. It is the implications inherent within profound spiritual revelation that demand the transformation of the apparent individual.

Inherent within the revelation of perfect unity is the realization that there is no other. The implications of this realization reveal that in order to manifest that unity in the relative world, one must renounce the dream of being a separate self seeking to obtain anything through relationship with another. Indeed, personal relationship appears to happen in the relative world, but in reality, all appearances simply arise as temporary manifestations of a unified whole. In the relative world these appearances are in relationship, but not as separate entities. Rather, they are the play of the one Self projecting itself as apparent entities in relationship to one another.

As long as you identify yourself with the projection of separateness, you will continue to deny that you are the Source of all projections. When you truly and absolutely awaken to this fact, and comprehend the overwhelming implications inherent within this awakening, you will continually experience that all apparently personal relationships are in truth nothing other than the play of your Self. To realize that the personal me is an illusion born of false identification with the body, thoughts, and emotions, brings a profound sense of freedom. This is fundamentally the realization of emptiness, of what you are not. But contained within the realization of emptiness (formlessness) is also the realization of what you ARE. In the most absolute sense you ARE this conscious emptiness which is the source of all appearances (existence). But you are the appearance as well. Not just one part of the appearance called “me”, but all of it , the entire whole. This is the challenge, to let your view get this vast. To let your view get so vast that your identity disappears. Then you realize that there is no other, and there is nothing personal going on.

Contrary to the way the ego will view such a realization, it is in reality the birth of true love. A love which is free of all boundaries and fear. To the ego such uncontaminated love is unbearable in its intimacy. When there is no clear separating boundaries and nothing to gain the ego becomes disinterested, angry, or frightened. In a love where there is no other there is nowhere to hide, no one to control, and nothing to gain. It is the coming together of appearances in the beautiful dance of the SELF called Love.
To the seeker who is sincere, an experiential glimpse of this possibility is not enough. If you are sincere you will find it within yourself to go far beyond any glimpse. You will find within your Self the courage to let go of the known and dive deeply into the Unknown heart of a mystery that calls you only to itself.

Adyashanti, posted to AdyashantiSatsang by Bob O’Hearn

From NDHighlights Digest Number 1475
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby Ralph » Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:33 pm

Wow ! ... this Adya piece certainly is a gem !!

I need to refer back to it every now and then whenever I am caught in my separateness.

Thanks Andy for posting it.
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby spikyface » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:06 pm

I dont meet so many girls right now


Go forth and meet more girls. At a minimum about ten a week

Is the girlfactor clouding my mind


Looks like it, but the best way to eliminate that is by going out and fulfilling that very natural desire

Be completely present at all times when doing this, observe the thoughts and reactions going on inside you when you do this and share them here

Understanding the internal mechanisms that give rise to this desire will help untangle this knotty clump of emotion
Do not take anyone as an authority on what you are. Ultimately all the answers lie within
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby jamestown0101 » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:37 pm

ZenStrat wrote:Hello!

I am 26 years old and have never had a girlfriend.

I have recovered from a depression that I got 2 years ago and is now back in the game. Much thanks to ET and the teachings alike.

I had to high expectations of myself, was not myself and tried to please everyone else. I think that was the cause of the depression.

Anyhow, I now feel like I have gotten a second chanse in life and should try to make myself a good life and avoid damaging behavior.

I dont meet so many girls right now. But I am not a hopeless case, I think I just need to get to know more girls and one day a suitable girl will appear. you cant get a girlfrield sitting in your room all day right?

I am looking for a job. I feel i might have a good chanse to get to know a lot of pretty girls if i find the right kind of job.

I think that taking a high-status jobb that fits my 5-year eduation would take a lot of time and effort. I would not have so much left for the girlfriend search. I might just be tired and unhappy again...

I can also just find a job that gives me joy in what I do, maybe low-status, with focus on the acutal dooings of the job, but then maybe no girlfrieds. Or I can searth for a jobb that is both fun and with the company of some pretty girls.

I cant get the prioryties strait. What should I do?

I gues the correct answer to this in theory is: Do something that you like and enyoy for a job, get happy, and the rest (like girlfriends) will just fall in place and comes when it comes.
But I get scared of beeing single for a couple of years more.

I guess I should just find something that gives me joy and be present in that. But I dont want to do that if is involves me beeing single for another 5 years or so....

Is the girlfactor clouding my mind? Or is it ok to not take a job thats fun but with only male workers...?

Am I to controlling? Am I to calculationg? Well, we have to make some decitions and do some planning right? Out of present beeing comes "natural action" or something like that....

Daaahh, help me here....


My profile can be found on bodybuilding.com. I've been through several girls, spent my life hooking up with random women, and I've carried a ton of baggage for all my cravings. Further more, I've most recently gone through quite a scare in my life. It started out with flu symptoms, then std screening, and led to a testicular cancer check up. I could not be more open on the forums on bodybuilding.com. I must say, I cannot believe the great deal of support I received from random people. At the same time, some of my friends, family, the people closest to me seemed to be gone or not available. Through the situation, in hospitals or clinics, I am present and yet, there is an empty seat where a beautiful young girl, my gf could have sat only, I choose to take a different route in life.

As of now, I am working on unconditional self love, progressing towards expressing that love with everyone I come into contact, and maybe developing a committed relationship. I think you need to start putting yourself out there. There are tons of resources from hi5, plenty of fish, myspace, facebook, and others that are available to you if only you would put yourself out there. Sadly, many guys read "pick up" or other sorts of non-sense, attempting to think, "sex" or "love" is the answer. Eckhart points out in his books the cycle of disaster that awaits if there isn't enough presence. For me, I escape with sex, the thrills of an unknown pretty girl in bed or hooking up in a shower, public washroom, beach or God knows where? Sadly, I believe in God yet, I don't do the work of God. I pray and I ask for help but, in a selfish manner, usually when say, I get a cancer scare or I need something. I meditate and try to pray but, I get distracted in life with all sorts of form based possessions, building up myself on women, sex, clothes, cars, money, and my looks.

I imagine, if I am able to hook up with beautiful girls by putting myself out there, I could do the same thing but, in a more genuine fashion, and build some lasting relationships. All you can do is take a shot when you see a beautiful girl. No matter how good looking you are, your not going to get every girl, and you need to be okay with that. Notice in yourself, is you ego growing when you hook up or get a number or have sex? Also, notice when you don't get the girl, has your self concept been effected or destroyed? The ego will tell you so. All you can do is go out, take your shot, and let everything happen as it may.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... =131814353
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby herve » Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:10 pm

ZenStrat,

I perfectly understand your situation and I can guess your feelings.

Not aving a gf or a job makes the ego negative, and having some, make ego sometime feeling positive or ... more likely complaining about.
Complaining about not having one or having the wrong one ... same thing after all. Even having the right the right one is another story you made up.
What if you change and thing your gf or job do not suit you anymore ? ...

IMO there is no perfect solution.

Who care about having a gf + sex + social status + money ? Ego.

Do you have to be alone, unemployed, nobody, and poor in order to enlight ? maybe yes, or maybe no. Do you have to be 'someone' with girls and money in order to enlight, maybe yes, or no.

We all have an area of pain somewhere in life, could be gf or money. Some said it is a perfect thing in order to be aware, I agree.

I felt in love recently, but the girl didn't want to engage with me, my "hope" lasted for a year, until recently when my heart finally, broken, this pain is probably taking part in my motivation to get rid of the story of "me", because at a moment, you seek an 'exit gate' from pain and suffering.

Be depressed and stay present, be happy and stay present. Consciousness is nor happy nor depressed, it is.

Adyas's text is indeed a gem, I enjoyed it.

Herve
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Re: Girlfriend-factor when searching for jobs?

Postby far_eastofwest » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:23 pm

Its your call...
working with only other males, well thats a bit dull (as is all female enviroment) but even if you are in mixed company office/workplace romances are the hardest to manage and already have a few extra points on 'degree of difficulty' even as you start.
Of course male colleages will have girlfriends (who have sisters and single gf's) so you may meet girls like that too.

Just do what you want, and jamestown has a good point, if you go for the girl and don't get her... will it upset you?
Thats the letting go of the outcome... go for the girl, if she's not interested thats fine (women are very fussy... its a biological thing from prehistoric times... one womb and only able to produce maximum one offspring per year makes hitching up with a male a big deal.... on the other hand men have millions upon millions of sperm and can impregnate a women every day if they had too so sharing of their favours is quite a bit more relaxed).

Do what you enjoy that provides you with enough income to cover the food/shelter thing. And time to enjoy the food and shelter.
There is nothing harder to find than a black cat in a dark room
Especially when there is no cat....
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